Hello Grey Heart. Welcome to DS.

I have one of those herstories. When people start counting their blessings, they seldom know that it is me they are luckier than. No way am I going to enlighten them because of the very reaction you speak of. It is much easier to silently slither off to the social distances.

The folks who have helped me the most on this trail of tears are the ones who are gently and patiently honest in their reactions. The most appalling part of my herstory is that it is still going on. Children are still being hurt this way, as I type. Be repulsed. It is repulsive stuff.

But rock your friend gently and cry with her. Encourage her to keep venting while you protect yourself from the whiplash. You reading it isn't as important as her venting it. It's allot to hold in.

Just out of curiosity, BSF is, "Bible Study Friend?" Prayer has magical healing power.

Gentle hug grey.... You 'sound' like a wonderful friend.... I think Arfie has give you some really good advise

Welcome to the board.... Big hug.....xo

Thank you <3 Arfie, I meant bsf as my best friend, but I do have a religious side to me. I haven't prayed in a bit, maybe I could try awakening that side. I think I just need to let her talk whenever she wants and just distract myself from my history while she is having a rough time. Thank you both <3

A benefit I gain from providing emotional support to others in recovery is practice in detaching from these horrors far enough to let healing happen. Wounds, psychic or physical, don't heal when I am constantly picking at the scabs. It is easier to remain objective with someone else's injuries than my own. The extra effort of providing support gives me practice with important skills that help tremendously in my own healing needs. I receive far more than I give.

I have yet to be able to establish myself within a religious community, but I consider myself a Prayer Warrior. The further I have healed, the greater my faith in prayer has grown. At worst, it gives me something to do when there is nothing I can do. It is the most helpful distraction I have yet to discover.

Hope healing happens here.

Welcome Grey

grey, I grew up in a home that today my therapist explains was led by 2 mentally ill parents. My father was an untreated bipolar, and my mom and untreated case of borderline personality disorder.

Bipolars can explode, and my dad did so violently and regularly. Borderlines are manipulative, so my mom covered up the wreckage after each blow up.

That meant we had to move often, so I sent to 13 schools from k-12. My dad would last about 9 months before he would explode either at work or at home and we had to run for it.

The thing was that my dad hid his moods behind being a pastor. He split congregations with his violent behavior so often that moving on the run turned him into an evangelist. When his behavior spoiled even his evangelist reputation in the USA, he became an international evangelist.

That's where somebody finally made him be accountable. It was really my manipulative mom's fault, actually, but the government of Peru caught them in church fraud in South America. They were finally punished.

All along, whenever my parents' fights at church got the best of them, they took it out on me at home. Sometimes it started right in the church parking lot after worship, My dad grabbed y0u by the hair and banged your face against the car window with one hand while driving off from the church parking lot with the other.

It was all so extreme that it didn't turn me against God since it had nothing to do with God. In fact, I'm a minister myself now. The problem was getting a church to hold them accountable, and that took 30 years. Meanwhile, I'm grateful that kids in church who saw what was going on supported me through it until adults finally came around. That's the kind of friend you can be, grey, until things change, a friend who helps them keep the faith until justice is done.