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Trying to organise my thoughts. Not exactly easy. So I numbered it.
1.So there's this game called Outlast (great game btw) anyway so in this game the priest usually fucks the women due to them having a weird dream. Anyway so i was watching a friend play it and he looked at me and we were processing the scene in front of us. A girl on a bed shaking in a ball. He finally spoke saying it was a rape room. That word... It's such a horrible word. My brain still likes to hide the fact that i was. And i began stuttering. He realised what he said and apologized. I said it's fine and that it's just a part of the game.
2. Idk if you've heard of it, but it's a movie called The Zookeepers Wife. It's about the Warsaw ghettos. And it really took into consideration about what the Nazis did to the women. The would take women (some as young as 10) and harm them and rape them. Good movie but just idk really messed me up.
3. Why is it that I'm far more aggressive. I mean I'm a natural agressive person. But recently i just snap for no reason. I snap at my mom just for telling me to take care of something. Most nights we go to bed angry at each other. I've almost punched a kid at school because he was making rape jokes and then catcalled me after school. If my friend wasn't around, he'd of been a bloody mess on the ground. Graphic as it seems.
4. On a happier note, my friend had her baby, but the father has done more harm than good. Her new boyfriend is amazing, the actual father raped her and then walked out leaving her with trauma and a baby. Of course she chose to keep it. And I'm so happy for her. It's been less than a week and the fucker who hurt her somehow got in contact with her and demanded her to give the baby to him. Her boyfriend stood up for her and called the police, there's gonna be a trial to see if he goes to jail. The problem. NO ONE EVER BELIEVES THE VICTIM!! and that's how most rapists are still on the street! I just don't want her to lose and then the fucker hurts another girl.
Okay i think that's all i can think of. Honestly there's more, but no one needs to worry about that. It's not important. Anyway
Thanks
-Shu
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
Do you think your mom is doing stuff that is disrespectful or upsetting, or do you think you are just super irritable?
Do you think it might be better for you to avoid triggering media, like games and movies that include rape scenes? That's what I do, but I know that some survivors are drawn to those depictions.
I'm sorry if you've already talked about this and I don't remember, but are you in therapy or working with anyone about what happened to you and how it's affecting you?
Glad you felt the confidence to start organizing your thoughts here. That is a sizeable challenge, all by itself.
This is where I usually askt he tedious "Does Mom know, did you get therapy yet, blah blah" but truth is... I think if htere's a peer support in-person group, that might help most. Di dwith me. I even quit caryring a knife everywhere. I was 17-18.
I echo the otherse: Grab one thing to focus on, and work on.
Support.