I'm on a hellevator. My hellevator is my dear friend depression. Sometimes it's down in hell and it makes me suffer other days it's in heaven and I feel like I'm on top of the world. It's never just there on earth. Somedays when it's in hell it's not to unbearable. I can walk away and smile until it passes, other days it's in the nine pits of hell and makes it impossible to function.

Basically what I'm saying is I'm in an elevator and currently I'm in the nine pits of hell. My depression, my good friend decided to show up when I woke up for god knows what reason (even though I tried to figure it out I really have...) And it's been with me through the entire day. I've been so out of it I had to have a friend like me multiple times in one class period because I just zoned out. I told my mom I wasn't functioning and she just said to go the rest of the day and put a bubble around me. (She's spiritual and supposedly that bubble gets rid of depression) I'm like okay that's not helpful when I can't even be creative sooo I suffered the rest of the day. Any time a friend gave me love it brought me to the verge of tears (and I don't cry) I get home and I'm pissed which is apparently another sign of depression. She just told me to suck it up even though it was clearly making me suffer. So she's just like "are you mad at me?" And she's a very emotional person so I just said no. I change into something cooler and she says "so what caused it?" I said I don't know. She started listing potential reasons as to what caused it and finally I just said "didn't I just say I didn't know." She got mad at me like she's the victim and says "you should've tried harder. And not just half ass your tools." Before storming out. GOD IF SHE COULD HEAR WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING IN MY HEAD SHE WOULDN'T HAVE OF SAID THAT!! I wasn't half assing anything and I tried my damn hardest with all my tools my councilor gave me to push past it but I just couldn't...and hearing her say that made me feel even more worthless and like I didn't try hard enough.. I'm tired. I can't... I can't seem to get it in her head that the bubble thing doesn't always work for me. But she insists it does so I just go with it because if I didn't then she gets mad. She's not abusive she's just strong willed and hard to get info she doesn't understand past her. And because of that I suffer