Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

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Musings/rambling TW

looney1
looney1

day 3 of going cold turkey from Effexor and though the symptoms are bad I am coping because being on it was causing a lot of problems too. This drug is a big pharm manufacturers dream because it is so hard to come off that many people can't. I am angry at the doctor that coerced me into getting back on it when I was unable to stick up for myself even though I told her my bad experience with it before. She made me doubt my own capacity to make that decision. 


Anyway it turned out that a lot of my problems were from hemochromatosis and could have been diagnosed with a simple blood test. It's the most common genetic disease in the western world yet the most under diagnosed. 


Sure I do have cPTSD too I know. But making sure your health is right is a big part of coping with it. Anyway fish oil, magnesium, vitB complex and venesection etc are helping me more than pharmaceuticals. 


Big insight on my daughter. My ptsd was largely caused by being treated with contempt and cruelty from birth. I was very passive about it and accepted I must deserve it because I was ugly and worthless. When I got the same deal at school and then my adult relationships the belief was confirmed. My daughter treats me with the same contempt, partly her innate personality and partly learned from my family. She cannot deal with anyone who is not completely subservient to her and she has several people who allow and encourage her behaviour. I put up with a lot because any attempt on my part to negotiate better treatment causes her to cut my contact with my dear grandson. I was very nervous about getting to know and love him because I was scared this might happen. She is also teaching him to disrespect me which he does in front of her to gain her approval. He really seems to love me when it is just him and I. Today is his birthday and I dropped some presents off on the front porch in the early hours of the morning. I am starting to accept our relationship is over. 


I'm also done with fighting fate too I think. I just can't get it right with people and like others have said too I have a hair trigger flight response. I learnt this from finding that persevering bought worse horrors upon my head. I am looking to Buddhism to learn how to live an isolated life with contentment.

Reed31
Reed31
I increasingly wish we had a community where we all lived within walking distance of each other! I relate so strongly to your post. I was on Effexor and went off of it about 20 years ago and STILL haven't lost the weight. I had the brain zaps for years afterwards. I am feeling depressed and anxious again despite doing all the right things and looking into Lexapro. Not sure it's a good idea but not sure what else to do. I know a lot of these feelings stem from not having deep friendships in my life. I have a TON of "surface" friends that I work with, do art and music and fun stuff with. But it's hard to find good friends who will be there with you through decade after decade of anxiety and depression. For some people it's long term, for others it's recurring, but it colors your personality. I don't want great adventures. I want to be comfortable. Most people want someone to have fun with - not watch movies and play cards with night after night.

Wishing you healing as you come off Effexor and I hope that you do find answers that work for you.
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
Oh boy, Loo, are you ever wise in the midst of bad times. You don't deserve the bad treatment you're getting from your daughter and now your grandchild. I didn't deserve it from my sister and her 4 kids. Like you, they disrespected me in front of her for her approval. I know that episode in life because I've lived it. As you say about your daughter, with my sister and her kids it came from our family of origin, too. I was raised like you, treated with contempt and cruelty from birth.

I was put on a lot of psych meds for the PTSD I got from it. Effexor wasn't my med, it was Seroquel. Originally made for schizophrenics, it was given to me for my PTSD nightmares in 2006. It's a powerful drug, one that caused me to gain weight, and one that affected my functioning on the job.

As you know, when I got kidney disease 5 years ago and collapsed from it at my boss's house, that was it for psych meds for me. I was taken off of them all at once, and I had no idea what was going to happen next. I really feared that I would have some psychotic episode and at the very least lose my job. I feared worse would happen, too, and I would become suicidal.

I came here as my medication substitute every day instead of taking my pills every day, and I got through the drug withdrawal and then slowly figured out how to live without psych meds doctors would no longer give me. I know how bad you must be feeling right now, and yet you speak of Buddhism and of learning to live an isolated life with contentment. That happened for me, so it is possible. I told a friend today that I'm not going to wait for the world to get fixed or even for me to get fixed before enjoying whatever goodness I find in the world. So I'm really cheering you on quietly now, because I believe it can happen for you. You've given so much support to me and others here that you deserve it back now. We're here for you, Loo. You're not alone.
Time2livelife
Time2livelife
Hugs looney. X
arfie
arfie
After much therapy work, I am beginning to fully believe that I don't "Deserve" my mental illness any more than my best friend "Deserves" to be blind. Bestie and I even beginning to find peace (prayers in progress) in letting it be a simple fact that our handicaps affected the lives of our offspring mightily in more ways than we can possibly know. The ways others are affected is for the affected parties to decide. We do not have access to the inside data of how other people --not even our offspring-- are affected by our handicaps. If fighting those facts is helpful, I haven't discovered the value yet, and I am quite a fighter. So far as I can tell, I and my loved ones are the ones who receive most of the black eyes from that fight.

But that is me. . .

Keep sorting, looney. Your own answers are in there. Religious texts might even help you find them. I find a great deal of healing inspiration in the religious texts of the world. All of them seem to have shining gems to offer.
Muskoka007
Muskoka007
Loo, I am proud of you and your insights. I believe my daughter has PTSD and my son too. Hang in there with your coming off Effexor. My good friend is a pharmacist and years ago when I can off an antidepressant he told me to really up my multi B vitamins. Apparantly antidepressants cause low levels of B vitamins which in themselves help depression..his words.
Muskoka007
Muskoka007
Remember, you have nice friends on this site too Hugs
cheesepuff77
cheesepuff77
Loo, just loads of Support and Hugs to you. You are not alone! Sorting with you♡
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
Hey, thinking of you, Loo, sending lots of support to you. Update us when you can, ok?
Doo
Doo
I have heard of the blood test being used more and more Loo. I am so sorry your kids are treating you this way. I hope you know how important you are to me, to us here and we support you and think of you often. You for sure are not alone.
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
Yes, you're important here, Loo, we're supporting you through this right now, thinking of you.
Zoe
Zoe
Sending you supportive thoughts and gentle hugs. You are important.
looney1
looney1
Thanks for your support everyone. You really are the best. I'm over the worst of the withdrawal from Effexor I think though I still have symptoms. I think it's easier this time because I have so much insight and support here. I know stuff now that I didn't know before. I'm sorry you all have to go through this PTSD thing too but I'm glad we're doing it together. I send my daughter loving thoughts each day but I think it's better if we detach with love for now at least for a while.
2magicman
2magicman
I wish you the best of luck on going cold turkey. Be strong, stay strong. Big Hugs.

Scott
looney1
looney1
Thank you. I'm over the worst of it from the Effexor. Still going through the separation from my grandson. At 3 he is already showing signs of anxiety and trauma and has the worst diet of any child I know. I worry so much but feel so powerless. I think it was good for him to visit me when his mother had other things to do. I made sure he knew unconditional love and it was always drama free here. We had fun too. I miss him so much.
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
Glad to hear you're over the worst of coming off the Effexor, Loo. Sorry you wish the little one so much. I would, too. Much support to you.
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