day 3 of going cold turkey from Effexor and though the symptoms are bad I am coping because being on it was causing a lot of problems too. This drug is a big pharm manufacturers dream because it is so hard to come off that many people can't. I am angry at the doctor that coerced me into getting back on it when I was unable to stick up for myself even though I told her my bad experience with it before. She made me doubt my own capacity to make that decision. 

Anyway it turned out that a lot of my problems were from hemochromatosis and could have been diagnosed with a simple blood test. It's the most common genetic disease in the western world yet the most under diagnosed. 

Sure I do have cPTSD too I know. But making sure your health is right is a big part of coping with it. Anyway fish oil, magnesium, vitB complex and venesection etc are helping me more than pharmaceuticals. 

Big insight on my daughter. My ptsd was largely caused by being treated with contempt and cruelty from birth. I was very passive about it and accepted I must deserve it because I was ugly and worthless. When I got the same deal at school and then my adult relationships the belief was confirmed. My daughter treats me with the same contempt, partly her innate personality and partly learned from my family. She cannot deal with anyone who is not completely subservient to her and she has several people who allow and encourage her behaviour. I put up with a lot because any attempt on my part to negotiate better treatment causes her to cut my contact with my dear grandson. I was very nervous about getting to know and love him because I was scared this might happen. She is also teaching him to disrespect me which he does in front of her to gain her approval. He really seems to love me when it is just him and I. Today is his birthday and I dropped some presents off on the front porch in the early hours of the morning. I am starting to accept our relationship is over. 

I'm also done with fighting fate too I think. I just can't get it right with people and like others have said too I have a hair trigger flight response. I learnt this from finding that persevering bought worse horrors upon my head. I am looking to Buddhism to learn how to live an isolated life with contentment.