Welcome back, Ozmum. You've been away since soon after the update on your first inpatient stay. I'm ever so sorry to hear that the treatment plan you left the hospital with proved ineffective.

Yes, life hurts and seems to keep getting harder. Many are the days when I doubt I have the strength to keep going and certainly don't have the serenity to sincerely appreciate the joys, but? ? ? So far I remain grateful I've been able to resist the easy out. So far. . .

*****clink*******

Here's to hoping that reaching out for emotional support will help you develop your plans into a more sustainable plan.

Hope healing happens here.

Thank you for opening up to this forum. I am sorry life has been so hard for you. So many tough and tragic experiences to go through. Don't give up my friend, your life matters even when it feels hopeless. I have been there where I wanted it all to end, but that isn't the answer. It will affect your loved ones and you mentioned your daughters already are struggling due to abuse. They need you. Please seek professional help, reach out to a local church, or go to a hospital to let them know what you are thinking and feeling.

I had a plan once, but in my heart I knew it wasn't the answer. I knew the depression and circumstances were feed me unhealthy thoughts. I had to take my thoughts captive which began with first going to the hospital so I wouldn't harm myself.

Then with the help of therapy, positive self-talk, and trying not to focus on my circumstance but focus on God and healthy thoughts in my life, I began to do better.

You do matter, you are important, and your life does have value. Don't allow the unhealthy thoughts take over. I will be praying for you my friend.

Here is the national suicide hotline (https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/). If you are thinking a plan you should call them immediately.

Also if you need a friend to chat with or encourage you. Please feel free to pm me. Hugs and God Bless

((((((((Ozmum)))))))
Please hold on. You are very valuable & precious
Sending so much support & many many prayers &
Gentlest of hugs <3

I get it, Ozmum62, and here you know when we say that we mean it. I came home early from my weekly face to face support group in the year 2000 one day to the end of my 10 year marriage. I found that my spouse had been scheduling an adulterous affair in my home weekly at that time because she knew I wouldn't be there.

It would have been painful under any circumstances, but was even more so because I'd met her in a face to face support group in the first place. Plus, the guy she was having an affair with was a coworker at the school were I taught.

Layers upon layers of betrayal, as with you. Then what you said about paying for your house resonated with me because I'd been the only one who had paid a dime toward our home yet my spouse went to court to try to get it anyway. The judge had my spouse ejected from the courtroom for profanity when the ruling was "no," so my last glimpse was of the bailiffs dragging my spouse out of the courtroom screaming insults.

This stuff gets to us, I know. I get why you'd make the plan you're making, I just hope that you know it's 2021 and I'm still here a couple of decades later in spite of all. Sending you my support, regardless, I do know how you feel.

Thanks for your thoughts and words of encouragement, for listening and understanding. Today has been a bit better.

For now, plans are on pause. Tomorrow is a big day. First time I will be seeing and speaking with dh since he left.

Hugs to all.

Ozmum62. Remember things happen for a reason we just have to figure out why. Remember you are stronger than you think. Positive thoughts!

Welcome Ozmum glad that you are here. Life can be like that and before you get over one blow another one hits. Please know that we are glad that you join us and never give up.

Glad to hear that plans are on pause, Ozmum62. Hope the big day goes well. Let us know, ok?

Sending love and support your way ozmum. Maybe things happen to you because you’ve such a good heart and it’s a learning experience. That’s how I try to see my life. Good luck

How's it going today, Ozmum?

We are all praying for you. How did it go with talking to your dh? Hugs

Big hug Ozmum ... I am so sorry that you have been hurt and betrayed.... I'm glad that you're here and we are here for you.... Another hug and a blessing.....xo

Thinking of you again today, Ozmum, still with you.

Thanks all. First meeting with husband was civil. Sorted out finances for now. No discussion of what is going on for him. I don't have energy, desire or motive to try and work through anything. Does that sound selfish?

For now I am safe, though dark thoughts are never far away. This is the closest I have come to ending it all.

Thanks for being here. Life is just so exhausting living with ongoing trauma as well as working through my childhood trauma.

I'm familiar with those dark thoughts, Ozmum, they buzz around my brain all on their own quite often. So glad most folks aren't mind readers or they'd get the wrong impression that I have those thought in purpose, you know? But I'm safe day by day in spite of them, and I'm glad to hear you are today, too. We're here, there's a place here for you to bring that special kind of exhaustion trauma, recent or past, brings folks like us to.