Uncomfortable things make people squirm, but that doesn't mean it should all be sunshine and rainbows, because life is not like that.

When your father made people squirm it was probably with the fear of hellfire. That's a lot more extreme than squirming at the sound of someone else's suffering. Don't you think it's quite a different thing? Also the intent was completely different.

I also sometimes have a hard time embracing judgment of my child-rapist father because I figure I'm not that different than him - even though I have never come NEAR to molesting a child. Why do we think like this, Muji? Anyone? Why do we assume our abuser's guilt?

Some things in life do 'make us squirm' and so they should... BUT I think it's important to educate and let the uneducated public these things indeed take place.. Squirm can be a good thing
Perhaps someone in the audience was a person who needed to know that there is help and healing to be had...That there is somewhere to turn and people to turn to... Squirm can be good sometimes
Hellfire and brimstone is instilling fear to control and hurt others...I think that something completely different Muji... Big hug....x

It sounds like your talk was something completely different from what your father did.

I believe it was arfie who said the sometimes things just are hard and we have to let them be hard.. er, it was somethign like that. Hers was much better said then what I just typed out.

A sermon does not need to be hard. For someone to make it hard just for fun is horrible.

PTSD and the trauma that causes it IS hard. It is hard to life through the trauma that caused it. It is hard to live with PTSD. It is also hard to hear it from other people. I can guarantee you that a good half of the posts here make me squirm. It is just the nature of this beast.

hugs, you are not your father
yadlim

Ya got me wondering if, "Make 'em squirm" is a trigger phase for you? Like the way light or atheist cliches trigger me to fear of my father's rape fests. Just wondering.

"Made me squirm" is a pretty common cliche. It sure can mean allot of different things to all the different people who use it.

Whatever those whatevers, making peace with the DNA in our blood is a pretty essential part of my own therapy. OF COURSE you have things in common with your parents.

Ugh, what a word choice for them to use.... that said, people dislike anything that disrupts their life view... It's not necessarily bad or good if they squirm, just is what it is, for me, I guess.

We all bear the imprints of our abuses, and our abusers, and that da*n similarity to them when they're parents and siblings. (I tried to excise my dad outta me, but that requires a DNA transplant, apparently.)

The big thing is, if you didn't enjoy it? You're not the a-hole. You're giving voice to truths that others need to realize, too, if we're ever going to progress as a species, IMO.

Hang in there, Muji, you did *good*.

Thanks, everybody. I guess I see now that I chose not to be a pulpit pastor and to be a hospital chaplain to comfort people instead of yell at them like my father did. I was assuming his guilt with worrying about this "squirm" thing, like donnawanda said. I appreciate the insight.

I don't think "made them squirm" in the same ways. Since your father was an abuser, maybe he liked scaring people. Maybe he said certain things to get certain reactions from people just to get a kick out of it.

Idk what that guy meant by that at all lol. I think it's great that you shared about your ptsd.

Yeah, I don't know, either. Could just be a feedback report, could be passive aggressive. I guess the best thing is not to keep trying to read minds other than my own. Reading my own is hard enough. Ha!

Remember you are NOT your abuser. Like I am not mine. If you are raised by you abuser like I was we will always have things in common with them. But we are better than them. I explained my cptsd to some one and they said "how do you live with it" What else can we do. We are Not our abuser and I never will be. Keep talking about it. It helps and you don't know who else!

I think on some level we all fear being like our abusers. I know for years I have been afraid of being like my father the most out of my abusers and life story. I was afraid I had the potential to kill someone. It scared the crap out of me. I had to do a lot of work in therapy to realize I did an do have the potential to do that deep down inside just as everyone does. It was almost like a shock to me. It was hard to scramble through that because I wanted nothing to do with being like my father. My therapist helped me to realize that I am nothing like my father cause I had the chance to let him die and in fact I saved his life. She reminded me if I was evil like him I would have let him die. I know it is very easy for all of us to feel like that becauae we have been brainwashed. What know is that munji I hope you keep sharing your journey with everyone. Squirm could be a very good thing as because he the person might have realized that they needed help or any number of wonderful things as well
We always tend to think of the neagitive. Great job my friend.

I think it's just a reflection on the person's lack of command of the English language. Maybe the person meant, "Wow, I can't believe you endured that. How horrible it must've been for you if it was difficult for me just to hear about it."

Did you post how it went right after that, BTW? Care to bump it? I missed it. : (

Idunno. Whenever I talk ... at all ... about my experience ... people get very uncomfortable ... squirm ... look away ... try to change the subject.

I can't _blame_ them, but I wish it was otherwise.

I still think it's a little bit about the "Just World Hypothesis." It doesn't reassure people to believe that bad things happen to good people, and that good things happen to bad people.

It's harder to believe that you can BE good and DO good, and STILL just get the worst the world has to offer.

I think it's good that you shook them up a bit, Muji. I'm just not entirely surprised that they WERE a bit shaken up ;-)

You're still a brave man to take on this sort of thing.....

David, you wrote, " It doesn't reassure people to believe that bad things happen to good people, and that good things happen to bad people."

Ain't THAT the truth! We deal with this when I teach death and dying class to nursing students at my community college, too. It's like some people actually even live in a pink cloud fantasy that they'll never even die. It surprises me that I have to teach that, um, in this course we're not just talking about "them" and "those" people as patients. This time it's about all of "us." sooner or later.

I'm really sorry for the reason we're all here, survivors of trauma. But on the other hand, it's so great to belong to a community of people in this world in which I don't have to apologize for talking about reality.