I do a lot of self assessing.... and I try and think things through... I can't afford to get into any type of regular therapy so I try and be aware of moods and how something is effecting me

I think my greatest tool and the one that's helped me the most is gratitude.. No matter how bad things are I am able to find other things to be grateful for and I find that it balances me and my life... I think my Faith plays into this a great deal and again gives balance to the difficult triggers that still hurt at times... I still have moments when I can get lost in hurt or anger about the past however I'm not stuck there and that's important to me... I want to be able to make the most of today... I also find that reaching out to others and using my pain as a tool over the years has helped me to move forward.. .. xo

arf you are blessed to have a family and support it takes consistent support to get that far

Yes, SC, Gratitude is my most consistently effective tool as well. Being grateful for simple things, like a breeze on my face or the bird concert at dawn brings me into the present like nothing else I have found. My daily inventory (self-assessment) reminds me when I need to use extra doses of gratitude. And then there is faith: The strength to keep going when all evidence indicates NOTHING is okay. Still looking for additional tools. . . Gluttony? Perhaps what I have is already enough?

Free: The Birth-given family and support you have assumed on me was sufficient to make my 18th birthday as a homeless, drug-addicted prostitute quite predictable. The family I have built needs more support than they can offer, despite the gift of reasonably stable beginnings. I count them among my blessings, but not my "cures."

My envy of you: I envy the family and support which blessed you with a formal music career. I still ain't respectable enough to be a paid teacher. Not in my entitlement package. I was profiled before I hit the birth canal.

But. . . I remind myself that envy only distracts me from effective use of what Life did give me to work with.

Arfie, it is hard to do that is for sure. In my present situation, I feel like I am re-living some past stuff, but in a different format...so after coming down a little from the fight/flight triggers...I had PTSD memories flash from the past, but connected to present events...then when snarky comments came from a few neighbors, I felt like I HAD to isolate myself and re-assess What I was reacting too...was I oversensitive, or was I right-on? It was a gut check for sure, because it seems that past experiences are bound to mix into the present when triggered. I am still trying to balance it all..my isolation, my gut tells me I was right-on...how do I know...the past...I lived it before, I know what it looks like, how my brain/body react..those feelings for good or bad that tell us when we are in/near danger. I think people here would understand, but not so much the snarky neighbors.

I know someone, not here at this site, who can not deal with anything in the past....everything that has happened bad, alot of years bad, is blamed on one person from the present who is btw not very nice...but is being used as "That person ruined my life"...."sigh"...no that is not true.....but it blocks ever having to look back and deal with the past pain. Staring back for me has to be in short sequences, if that is possible.... maybe why I go to numb easily...a learned defensive behavior....still chewing! Support and Hugs...good topic!

Since my memories are of abuse all abuse it is only of late that I have had a few recollections come forth of the times in between.

I started to answer this last night since I can't consider it "staring" at the only history that stayed with me. It would be the most mammoth TW I have ever let go of. I did journal it or a synapses of it, Not complete, my hands won't type that fast as to capture what I remember in any decent period of time.
But even that abbreviated entry is not very good for anyone myself included.
So for now, Support.
J.