Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
I'm not a fan of spring...never was. Maybe this is less OT than I thought. Summer meant days at home all day long without a break from my mother. Honestly...I don't want to think about it. I HATE thinking about it. I hate rehashing it. My mother was never going to change (and believe me or not...why do so many people not believe that I tried?)...in any case, I tried.
Oh but people would believe me eventually, IF they got close enough to my mother. She'd one day turn a SMALL part of what I got daily on them. Then those people would be out the door.
School was bad (I was pretty much THE bully target), but at least it was a break from home.
Summer...was like hearing about other kid's birthdays. How great they were. What fun stuff they were going to do. The great job that someone was going to get. Vacations. Or maybe just "doing nothing". Hanging out with friends. (My mother drove away what few friends I ever did have over to my house. Or would spend 2 hours telling them what was wrong with me.)
For me, summer was all day long in a house. We lived too far to walk any place other than the local elementary school playground. Not terribly close to anything that I could bike to either, not that it mattered, because I was forbidden to bike on the main roads, which meant...I was going nowhere.
Books were my only escape (and still probably are.)
I always HATE saying that I'm hurting. At school that was an opening for attacks. At home...proof on how I was WRONG. Everything about me wrong. The things that give me comfort the rest of the time...well those are especially WRONG. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.
So that's it. No dramatic story of physical abuse. Just unrelenting psychological. I remember hearing once about a lab experiment about shocking dogs. How if they weren't allowed to get away, eventually they'd "stop trying". Sounds like a horrible experiment? Not to me...sounded like the first connection to my life. Dogs had learned to go within themselves...just like me. Researchers just didn't get it.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
((((( gentle hugs ))))
Thanks Traumagenic...I feel stupid still wanting people to know how much I tried, but even now...it helps just to hear someone say that.
I hope you have ways to beat the heat and stay cool this summertime.
Thanks lilmissy and MrMojo the support means a lot to me.
I believe you. I believe you tried. It's okay to say you're hurting. We hear you. And you're exactly right the way you are. I always appreciate your kind and down-to-earth way of saying things. Hugs of support