Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.

10,127 Members
27,616 Posts
0 Online
Anxiety Disorders
/ Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

Insensitive remarks

FindingKatB
FindingKatB
I was at my aunt's place for her birthday, where i am currently staying at for a bit. It was a get together. It was time for the pictures and I knew that i wasn't up for it but they told me to get in. My aunt told me to smile and I told her no. At one point, she told me that I looked like I was in the army, that was the beginning. When i told her I didn't want to, she said that she didn't want me in the picture and that I wasn't anyways. Then, she showed me how I looked in it.

I left the place. Hit a glass window then walked around the block really quick.

She wrote to me and told me how sorry she was; she didn't know how to handle my emotions. I know she's sincere about her words but everything was said in front of everyone and my reactions were noticed by them.

I don't know how to handle this cptsd. I know now, I've never really known how to handle my emotions and now, its like, I became exposed. This time of the year makes me withdrawn and alone. Now, more than ever, i feel more alone.

I don't know how to shake this off. This is my misery and I want to have my head above the waters...
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
I'm sorry you went through this kind of ordeal. In my individual experience, even if they didn't mean any harm, it has been family members who got to me the most. In scenes like you describe here. I wish I had the answer, but I can at least tell you you're not alone in having this kind of experience with loved ones. Thanks for bringing it up, and I hope to learn a lot from the posts that follow. Hang in there.
deleted_user
deleted_user
We humans are all such imperfect people. It seems your aunt doesn't misunderstand you on purpose, is defensive because of her own inner agenda, but her guilt and apology show her concern and love for you too. ... Everybody just needs to keep trying. You are trying hard, and she needs you to help her know how to make things a little easier for you.

These days holidays suck for me, because I did have better days once and the contrast hurts. Whether we can have happier holidays at a future time is a big unknown.

The best to you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I dont like my picture to be taken in the first place and for another thing I really hate it when some one tells me to smile and I dont want to smile, That really pisses me off I feel like I am doing some thing the other people want me to do not what my wants and wishes are, And I would have been mad that she humilated you in front of every one and imitated the way you looked, I would have probably done the same thing if not worse, I get very offended when I feel like I am being made fun of or mocked, Especialy in public, I myself would not be sorry for you did, If any one should be sorry I would say it has to be her, Maybe I am in the wrong for saying this, But that is the way I feel, I hate my cptsd also, But I also dont need people laughing and mocking me and making me do things I dont want to do, I expect some respect
Cammiecat
Cammiecat
Rain has really hit on something here. You were told to do things that you didn't feel like doing. That could be very triggering and retraumatizing for some people. The fact that it was done in public makes it that much harder to deal with. I am so sorry this happened to you. I wouldn't have appreciated it much either. You did the right thing in walking away from the situation. Walking away wasn't a choice you would have had earlier on in life. But you are strong enough and brave enough to do it now. Peace to you.
FindingKatB
FindingKatB
Mujica, did I ever give you advice on something? Your teaching and something with students? Memory is bad. Anyways, sorry for going off course but, it finally hits me: family members hurt you the most. Thank you for making me realize and feel that I am not alone when it comes to family and insensitive remarks.

Letitbe- i replied with a hug...

Rain- When you talk about not ever liking your picture being taken, i understand. I used to believe I was photogenic. I used to smile a lot but only when it was with ppl i was really close to or felt loved.

Thank you for your response, really. U have no idea how much i can relate to this. You took the words out of my mouth. You understand. my aunt apologized but its like a bad memory in my head and it spins. May be my insomnia or depression but i would go even further and exaggerate my tormented mind and stomach at the moment.

Okay, I am done. Thanks for understanding. Really appreciated much.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I just don't attend those gatherings anymore. If I do, I make it clear that I will not tolerate things that I am not comfortable with, and I make sure that my transportation is out on the street or some place that I can leave easily.
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
FindingKat, you bet you gave me advice, and good advice I followed, too, with good results. Yeah, about teaching and more. And I get a lot out of your posts in general. Keep 'em coming.

It looks like a lot of people stood with you here about what happened with your aunt. And therefore with all of us who have troubling experiences trying to relate to families & PTSD. Thanks again for posting on this. I hope you get to feeling better about it.
chris1976
chris1976
She's your aunt; she's supposed to know you very well by now. She doesn't respect when you say no, insists, she creates the circumstances for an unpleasant scene, causes it and then apologized to you, but not in front of all the people who witnessed it.

Hmmm... that doesn't sound right to me. I think she's a passive aggressive manipulative person, and she perfectly knew what she was doing.
arfie
arfie
I would be an aunt who flat out gave up on trying to reach past the family dysfunctions to reach my nieces and nephews. There is not a corner of my being which believes I can do as well as your aunt did. I will not even try unless the niece or nephew is willing to work with me. Never worked and the nasty names I received for my effort are still ringing painfully in my psyche. I get even less explanation from my youngers than I did from my elders.

Your aunt is still trying. Any chance of working with her on it?
MillaSofia
MillaSofia
I'm sorry this happened to you.
FindingKatB
FindingKatB
Thank you guys for your responses. I really appreciate it.

Chris- I dont know what to believe. She most likely did know what she was doing. It was just horrible for me.

Arfie- I wrote to her late that night and told her right out that I just can't take or do certain things anymore. She understood. She just sees the person I used to be and wants me to be happy. She told me something:
" You will not be given more than what you can't handle". I wonder if this resonates with me...

Luzi- I agree with you. It makes the matter much more difficult.

Milla- Thanks.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Sadly, trying to live with CPSTD can be it's own trauma. My counseling center made an error in judgement a few months ago. My statement about what I consider reckless behavior was taken out of context by another staff person who took it as my actual behavior and it went south from there. Suffice it to say, I LOST IT. There had been a couple other similar things, but this was so close to my trauma, it really sent me over the edge and it took more than a week to come down from it. But any time I think about it, unrelated to anything else, I get triggered. So now the effect of the CPTSD had created a new trauma. A kind of whiplash effect. I'm treating it like all of the "original" traumas but now that I know this is possible, I'll be on the lookout for it.
PS The counseling center was very apologetic and supportive and we tried to work through the episode together.
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • AngelaJo

    PTSD/anxiety plus life its been awhile

    Posted by: AngelaJo
    Last Reply: arfie
    3
    Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
  • Community LeaderMid

    Misplacing daily use items

    Posted by: Mid
    Last Reply: adriasm
    4
    My day...today...misplaced my debit card...didn't realize it until I got to the register after shopping to a full cart.  Used a different debit card and pulled apart everything looking for missing debit card before I left parking lot.  Got home, dropped keys. So now I have a missing debit card, missing keys. A full cartload to unload and put away. I got everything put away.Dumped purse for a...