Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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I have an assistant at work who can't drive--had his license taken away after a big accident a couple of years ago. I was led to believe it was epilepsy that caused it. I found out differently today.
On the way home from work, he often asked me to stop off at the supermarket. I would do my shopping then, too, and it just seemed friendly.
His wife called me today and asked me to stop taking him to the store. It turns out he's an alcoholic, and that's why he had the car wreck. Get this: at the supermarket with me he wasn't buying liquor to feed his alcoholism. He was buying multiple bottles of mouthwash and drinking the mouthwash to get drunk. He took a few vacation days last week and really went on a mouthwash drinking bender, and so she called me to ask me to stop helping him buy the stuff.
I had no idea, and that's how this relates to my PTSD. My mother fooled me for a long time claiming my father beat her as well as me. But then my sister told me to check more closely. She was the one telling my dad to beat me for years on end, "to make me a man." She's a homophobe and feared the fact that I'd been sexually assaulted along with other elementary schoolkids would make me gay unless I got beatings regularly to prevent it. It took me forever to figure it out, but I confronted my father eventually and he confessed it to me.
For years I stood up to my father on behalf of my mother and took beatings over a lie. I was such a fool, and I got PTSD for my trouble.
It doesn't look like I've learned much since then about not being a sucker, and I'm 57 years old now. I feel utterly embarrassed and stupid.
On the way home from work, he often asked me to stop off at the supermarket. I would do my shopping then, too, and it just seemed friendly.
His wife called me today and asked me to stop taking him to the store. It turns out he's an alcoholic, and that's why he had the car wreck. Get this: at the supermarket with me he wasn't buying liquor to feed his alcoholism. He was buying multiple bottles of mouthwash and drinking the mouthwash to get drunk. He took a few vacation days last week and really went on a mouthwash drinking bender, and so she called me to ask me to stop helping him buy the stuff.
I had no idea, and that's how this relates to my PTSD. My mother fooled me for a long time claiming my father beat her as well as me. But then my sister told me to check more closely. She was the one telling my dad to beat me for years on end, "to make me a man." She's a homophobe and feared the fact that I'd been sexually assaulted along with other elementary schoolkids would make me gay unless I got beatings regularly to prevent it. It took me forever to figure it out, but I confronted my father eventually and he confessed it to me.
For years I stood up to my father on behalf of my mother and took beatings over a lie. I was such a fool, and I got PTSD for my trouble.
It doesn't look like I've learned much since then about not being a sucker, and I'm 57 years old now. I feel utterly embarrassed and stupid.
@ the big cat, I've never heard the quote more fully. Much less sinister...actually, quite positive. Interesting...thanks.
As far as how to compartmentalize, I mentioned in a previous thread I use a brain filing system. When an episode presents itself, I do a virtual journal of the events. Then I get a file folder. The tab might be, 8/14/15...BUD...MW. then I would put the details in the folder and file it away. It will stay there and if I need to view it again, I can open it up.
Don't beat yourself up. We are too good at that. We can find better things to do.
rest well tonight.
J.
It said that danger is real. Fear is imaginary.
That helped me a lot because I am now looking at life and asking myself, "Is this dangerous?" If it's dangerous, it makes sense to be afraid. If it's not dangerous, I can still be afraid but it helps me to recognize it's optional.
Therapeutically, I'm not sure if you've tried EMDR but I've heard good things about how it can help disconnect that hypervigilance.
It's so good to belong to DS PTSD as my place to go to try new things and grow out in the world.
It's good to belong to DS PTSD as my place to go to when I fall down and need to get back up.
I'm feeling shaken, but I'm getting back up, thanks to your helping hands. It really makes a difference that you're there for me. My gratitude to you, every one.
In the meantime, soft purrs, and get a good rest today:-)
"Having a soft heart in a cruel world is courage, not weakness."
Blessings.
So tomorrow I go back to work, where I will be around my co-worker who used my giving him rides to the store to buy mouthwash to drink to feed his alcohol addiction. I'll have to work once a week with this fellow because he is my assistant in a weekly distance learning class.
I believe he's so good at denial that he could work with me and pretend I never found out what was going on. It's up to me, then, to have the right balance.
On the one hand, I must say no:
no, as his wife asked me to, in order to have good boundaries in not giving him rides to the store any more for him to buy mouthwash to drink.
On the other hand, I must say yes:
yes to being a civil, decent co-worker with him and acting like a grown up at school.
It's a real case of emotionally chewing gum and walking at the same time without falling down. Any advice on that is certainly welcome, believe me.
Don't let this sidetrack you because you have a mission this year. You want to get the tenure that you deserve. I wouldn't even bring a word of it up to him. If he needs a ride, you have something you have to do after work and can't do it. If he brings up if his wife said anything to you, tell him to ask his wife. In my work world, people have tried to ask me about this person and that person. I have one patent answer........"I am not getting involved, I have a job to do."
There was no way you could have known what was going on.
Addicts are tricky people, as addiction is a tricky ailment. Comes with the territory.