Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

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I hate and other things

Cry
Cry

I don't even know why I'm angry. No that's not true or maybe it is. Even I don't know anymore. I hate that I know what it's like to be the victim and perpetrator (thankfully my friend was 'just joking' even though it made me cry from stress) and I don't talk to him anymore. I hate the fact that more rape accusations are fake. I hate how it makes me feel like I can't talk to people about what happened because I faked it (even though I know I didn't) I hate doubting myself. I hate that I feel like what I said didn't even matter to the police. I hate that I feel even less valid than before because my damn case it closed. I hate that my case even closed in the first place after both my dad and brother denied it because who listening to the fucking teenager who's got abandonment issues! I hate that I feel like I broke my entire family apart because of my secret. I hate that I had this fucking secret. I thought that maybe if I kept it to myself I can be a normal girl with a normal life. I hate that I don't have a normal life with a good brother and father and mother (my mother is wonderful but strict) I hate feeling like I failed as a daughter because of what happened to me. I hate feeling like shit!


Shu-

Invictus22
Invictus22
I'm so sorry hon. What a horrible thing to happen when you were brave enough to reach out and say what happened.

You're also very brave for talking about it here.

Doubting your own feelings and reality can be terrifying. But you know what happened. Try and trust yourself. I believe you. Your feelings are valid. Your fears are valid. YOU are valid and worth so much! I'm so sorry you haven't been treated like the unique human being you are. You deserve love, compassion, safety, and support. Personally I'm happy to be a listening ear and look at how many other people are in this group! We have different details, but we're in this together.

You can get through this!
arfie
arfie
Sounds like a valid list of reasons for anger, to me. Sufficient to fuel an anger channeling exercise. Pillows of the world be warned!!! Repressed emotions coming at you. . .

Continued support while you work it through, Shu. Wanna borrow one of my pillows? I keep spares on hand for occassions like this.
Cry
Cry
That's honestly not even half of it. My oma was telling me to go to bed as it was 1 am and we're heading back out but it was keeping me up.
-shu
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
It's good to get it out, cry. Because being able to acknowledge hate later on helped me acknowledge something I truly had never experienced in my abusive family, and that was love, beginning with love for myself. I thought that was impossible. Love in my experience with my family was an excuse to abuse; my family had the permission to do anything to me in the name of so called love.

So when I admitted that I hated that and broke off contact with them for the protection I deserved, I discovered that was never love, just a perversion of it abusers use. It took feeling the hate to get to the next step, and know all the other feelings there are, too, like peace. It was good for me to get the hate out to open the way for a feeling life for me on my own terms.
jewells1
jewells1
When it was happening to me there was no system to fail. But even now the system has kinks, so if there was not proof enough for court does not mean it didn't happen. Just that they were not capable of seeing it first hand. Your mother is just as guilty by perpetuating their innocence at your cost. It's why I refer to mine as a parental unit at times. But you can make your own choices and letting them go is one of them. Parent's and sibs can teach a lot, both how to and how not to. The second part comes when you know that their choices are based in deception, then you can be free of them easier., as muji says. But you need to build the belief in you, that regardless if what they say or how often they say it, it doesn't change the truth.

We are here and I hope you stick around. Hugs and support J.
patti22
patti22
What can I say? One reply explaining how I've been through it too is too long, and too much about me.

Another reply sounds bland.

The best I can say is that we all find our own way. Some of what I "blamed" myself for (upsetting the peace) ended up being the most beneficial in the long run. Life is strange like that.

I wish that I could take your pain away, or make it easier. If it's anything like mine, that's only limitedly (a made up word?) possible.

Heartfelt hugs, Patti
LillyPotter
LillyPotter
oh, it is brave and good you are coming here to talk about this with us, (((shu)))

something about getting this out in front of you too, where you can see it, will help you. it helps me to do that.

also having people who do understand to talk to, even went through the same thing, can help more than anything else could. keep talking to us, we care, you are not alone.
Cry
Cry
I am in therapy. I've been in therapy since January. But I had to take a break to evacuate. I'm returning tomorrow.
sadalonehurt154
sadalonehurt154
I am so sorry that you are going through this. I am finding out that the system set in place to help doesn't always do so.

The way you are feeling is okay, and a normal response to a not normal situation. This is a good place to vent and express your anger in a healthy-er way than some alternatives

I hope you know we will always lend an ear when you need and good thoughts your way
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