I'm so sorry you're hurting today and feel lost. I wish I knew enough to give you encouragement or peace, but I don't But, either way, My thoughts are with you and I'm hoping you feel better very soon!

The feeling of not feeling? That's the hardest because we know that it is missing. You have at your disposal a hand to hold to make you fall back into your skin, your wife.
Take the time to just hold her hand and run the memories of your first date first night and the day you two chose each other to share your life. Remember.

I can tell you that for me that time is done, I am trying to connect with out my spouse. I would give all that I have to reach and touch his hand once more.
Hugs Jewells.

"Dissociation" is another of the new psycho-terms on my radar. I am not sure everyone who uses it shares the same definition and a web search netted me mind-splitting variety in published definition.

But it has come up often enough for long enough that I have begun to use it myself to describe a state in which my current environment seems to be coming through a cloudy, distant tunnel.

Glad you asked, Sean. I, too, want to know.

It means nothing. It is just a word that says when stressors are too big to handle you fall through time to a different time. Could be a good time, ususallly it is a trauma time that needs look at, or a plateau to which you fall.

okay still fuzzy but it seems that word mean not just one thing but several different things under one umbrella. My whole life people have always called me well let us just say calm, cool, and collective. But I think my wife is more correct when she wishes I was not emotion-less. It finally clicked last night I have been like this all my life. Even at one time started creating alter ego Tober. Maybe I will share about him but it will take more trust than I have right now. Old saying applies its not you its me. Well a lot to say but too much unclear fear to start right now. Hope I do not confuse.

there is no doubt that people dissociate in variety of ways and for a variety of reasons. everybody does from my perspective.

the Nazi's
the terrorists
the abuser
the abused
the mobs
the parent
the church
the survivor
the angry and the hateful
the mental doctors
the red tape people

well it goes on and on

Jewells mention of dissociating as "the feeling of not feeling" is helpful to me. It's been the most frustrating of all of my PTSD symptoms, and I have flashbacks a lot every day. Dissociating has been the most dispiriting, though, because in my symptom list it is worth than not feeling pain. I know it began because the traumas I survived were too painful to bear all at once and so my system went into shock. But now the persistence of dissociation decades later bugs me.

I fear dissociation, also, because I see it as a gateway to becoming a sociopath. I could be wrong, but it seems to be something my abusers began to use so as to avoid having a conscience or empathy that would give them compassion for others.

I have work to do to accept dissociating like I've come to accept flashbacks. I believe for some people cutting is a behavior in response to not feeling because of dissociating problems. I realize that while I'm not a cutter, per se, I can also develop coping behaviors toward dissociating that may not be healthy in the long term. So I'm deliberately a work in progress on the issue.

Sorry you're suffering like this. Hope you feel and that what you feel is better soon.

I am sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time. Bear the thought that you are not alone.

Milla, Mujica, and rafy all make valid points. All people have gone through horrendous events that leave the mind in a state of disconnect. Our minds don't know how to make sense of our events, so the way it knows best to cope is being dissociated, in a way "feeling nothing" like jewells said. It is one of the most difficult symptoms for me as well. I don't know what personal traumas you sustained, but I know what it's like to be in a state of disconnect, aloof, and being in a dark tunnel. These days have not been comforting, to say the least, but what else I can do? Remind yourself that you are not alone and that this will pass.