I also have used the word 'hate' too often and worked very hard to change it. Is it safe to say I hate the word hate? Is that one of those oxymorons or something like that??? LOL.

When I catch myself saying "I hate" I quickly change it to:
"This is challenging"
"I strongly dislike"
"This situation stinks and I don't like it"

I found that by using the word 'hate' it increased my anger. When I changed it to the sayings above my anger was lessoned.

It is amazing how long these old thought patterns stay with us. They are very deeply ingrained in us but they can be changed. Slowly. It seems like everything in this process happens slowly.... All good things come to those who wait....I guess that saying is true. :-)

It's hard to let go of what worked even if what worked eventually was destroying us and those around us. Hate and negativity only work to crumble but love encouragement kindness gentleness peace patients self control all build into us and others. I read a verse that always sat with me ...a wise woman builds her house up but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands. Proverbs 14:1

I didn't experience much building up of me in my childhood there was some but not enough I did get torn down regularly by my dad very negative and sarcastic presence. Guess what one of the harder things for me to let go of sarcasm and negative attitude. Somehow there is comfort there for me because that's how I grew up. It is much harder to just love people.

Sometimes though I try to use it to my advantage so I might say for 14 years in my marriage I expected the worst asummed the worst from my hubby there was always something he could change or do better and just for variety this year I am going to expect the best, assume the best, and be extactic about who my husband is. So far my husband is pretty happy :)

Now for myself I have lived many years of my life looking out for me, making sure I got what I thought I needed, disregarded others happiness for my own (I mean they could be happy doing what makes me happy right). Finances went where I wanted or if not live with my resentment... So this year I let God fulfill the desires in my heart how he wants and when he wants, I put others happiness first I did my best to enjoy what they love just as I expected that from them (little harder to be honest), finances I let my hubby spend the money he makes where he wants to if he wants to buy friviouls things to me oh well he works hard why not I check resentment at the door if there is something I want I let him know I also think of ways of making my own money which is fun. Alright back to work

What you all have written is very wise. Heartsadx, I am quite sure your change in attitude is going to make everyone in your house a lot happier, including you!

Nevertheless, I want to put in a good word for hate. RichieD once said something on the Incest survivor's board that made a huge impression on me. He said that hate is a defense mechanism that protects us. You can probably see why this makes sense to an incest survivor. If we didn't hate some people we would love them, and that would be fatal to us.

I think hate can be a normal emotion. We as people should be free to feel how we really feel. What makes hate bad is acting on it.

Very good and yes I suppose negative feelings and thoughts get a bad rap. I find center usually by going from one side to the other and then landing in middle or somewhere close too. So maybe this year is about embracing the good...which considering I've gone through the worst possible trauma so far that has accompied much saddness and grief, loss, loss of health, etc I still come back to believing for the best. Although I've had to draw clear lines with family and strong boundaries. I still want to wake up and embrace the day. Today I am sick at home dealing with sick kids but it is sunny I got my coffee never mind the car was on empty the day before payday and I have very limited money I look horrible like I feel, but I have medicine that helps Sun pouring in my window and children that are so fun to be with love learning. And I get to rest a lot and get on here for support so pretty good I will take it and in a few days I'll either be improving or in urgent care for more meds...

One more thought I met a gal who does therapy for emotions we hit it off before I found out and I was like are you kidding me. Is this God? I know I need to get the negative emotions out but I just land at is there a time where you just feel you cannot cry anymore I have had so many years of sadness I'm tired. I don't want to not deal with life if something happened and I need to address it I hope I could and will that's what I've done. I just don't have the grief or energy to grieve. Maybe in time I will get there. I am probably still in shock more than anything.

Absolutely, hate is a natural emotion. As a natural emotion, I believe it warns me of elements which range from not healthy to lethal. e.g. allergines, infected wounds within my psyche or dangerous situations.

Habitual hatred is another story. I believe my own hate habit is connected to my hyper-vigilance, my phobias and my habit of rejecting before I can be rejected. I keep thinking I have a handle on it and wanting to speak of it in the past tense, but habits die hard. Doncha hate it? :--O

Great food for thought in these responses. Thanks all.

I'm sure I'm not the only one here, because many of us have talked about dissociating being a problem in how PTSD has affected our emotions. What I'm mentioning is that for me, as I imagine may be true for others, I had to work UP to the point of feeling hatred. Awakening feelings at all was a big part of the job in my therapy for PTSD. I was dead inside, as I know others here have mentioned being.

As arfie said, from there I had to be careful not to make hatred habitual. But my therapist and I actually celebrated the first time I could say I honestly felt enough to feel hatred toward my abusers. It was progress, like thawing and feeling heat for the first time.

From there other emotions came. I not only lacked emotions. What emotions I had were all mixed up. I had been taught many incorrect things about what "love" was by my abusers, too. I can't imagine what a blessing it must be to feel emotions as a child in a healthy home and know feelings by their true names. But I'm glad I found out at all, even after so many years.

More food for thought if hatred and negative outlook, or expecting the worst protects us from bad things than I can safey say for me it didn't. Could I make a case that a positive outlook and love protects me from bad things happening I can also say for me it hasn't. Hate will keep on doing it's work as well love. You can see it everyday and maybe even more hate as it makes the news every evening. But still abides love. Will I join the ranks of love or hate this seems the final choice because either way I am not safer from life's unending blows. But I would argue a case for happiness and joy is found in love and discontentment and unhappiness with hate. I find my peace in that I don't have to carry out vengeance and we will stand and be accountable for our choices. I love the verse that says God laughs at the wicked for he knows the end of their days or what it will come too. If I had that view perhaps I could more easily set aside my case and enjoy my life. Perhaps.

For me hatred is as strong as love. How often do you think you are in love? For me it has not been often. Just so with hate. To truly hate something it must have some impact on you on an emotional level. I get irrational boughts of anger yes. But that is a small issue. To truly hate like how I hate myself sometimes is a very powerful thing.

I would not say the feelings in and of themselves are bad and yes can be useful warning system but I don't live by my feelings alone. I can't base all my thoughts and actions on my feelings either. My feelings don't always tell me the truth either. Dear Lord what a wretched person my husband would be if all the things I ever felt or thought bought him were true. My feelings are often hung up in my past and send me spiraling to the ground if they ever take hold.

This happens to me at times, not the hate factor, I have different words. Haha. It is weird how these things pop up when we have been able to bury the habit for so long. My habit saying is "this sucks___"

I try to step back and tell myself to slow down. It seems the habits come back when I am irritated, under stress or angry. I try to find the deeper emotion causing it. A lot of what lucky has said here.