Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
FF I'm on the edge. A month ago I posted a need for a 30 day countdown of support until this school year ended. I just didn't feel like I had the gas in the tank to end the year, and I was so close. For the last 28 days that support has carried me, and I thank you all so much for it.
But this very last week of it all my PTSD has been triggered in classes. Even though I have 97% great students, I've had 3 who've tried to bully me as instructor in, of all things, a death and dying class for nursing students I teach at my community college. I posted about them here before and got support I used well then, too.
It's a class they shouldn't even be in to start with. As you all suggested here in reply, I got my boss to sit them down at mid semester and they cooled off a bit. But as this last week started they started stomping in and out of the classroom, talking loud to each other, and disrupting class. Which triggers my PTSD in front of the whole classroom. I went to my boss again, but she said she's done all she's going to do and for me to lump it. School's almost out.
I get that, but she doesn't have PTSD. It makes me want to cry in front of them, at home, everywhere. That class is so good--except for that, and I can't control how it triggers my PTSD. I lost my last job after just one year in 2011 and I've had this job for four years now. I don't want to get triggered and do something to lose this one, too. You all know how PTSD and work can be. I had 5 jobs in the 4 years from 2007-2011, so to have a 4 year run of stability from 2011-now means a lot for me.
When I asked for support here 30 days ago so I could make it to May 8th, I got lots of support replies. I printed them all off on a piece of paper, folded it up, and I carry it in my wallet. I'm looking at it right now, my support printed off on paper from DS PTSD.
I HAVE to believe in it tonight. Tomorrow I teach them again, and then again Friday. After I teach them tomorrow I see my doctor, and I also have blood drawn for tests concerning my permanent kidney failure, which I got from too high doses of PTSD meds in 2010.
I HAVE to believe, but tonight I want to cry. I hope one of my DS PTSD friends reads this and sends me a hug. Just one will be enough to motivate me to pull it together again tonight and stop crying so I will make it through tomorrow, my next to last class. And then Friday, when I can say, finally, I made it through another year.
5 more years to go until I can retire at age 62. One year at a time, by one day at at time, like this. I started this new job I have now 4 years ago at the exact same time I joined DS PTSD here 4 years ago, too. I can't take meds since 2010 and kidney failure, so I came here and this is my substitute for meds. I have to push through the anxiety, flashbacks, and raw pain without any meds at all. With nothing but DS PTSD support.
But you all at DS PTSD have been enough. You've always come through and made that possible for 2 days shy of 4 years so far. That's 1458 days you've always come through. I need to make it to 2 more days to make it 1460 days, or 4 years on this job. Your reply here and one hug to stop me from crying tonight and I think it will take the place of the meds I would need so I can make it through tomorrow. Just one.
Thanks.
Muji
But this very last week of it all my PTSD has been triggered in classes. Even though I have 97% great students, I've had 3 who've tried to bully me as instructor in, of all things, a death and dying class for nursing students I teach at my community college. I posted about them here before and got support I used well then, too.
It's a class they shouldn't even be in to start with. As you all suggested here in reply, I got my boss to sit them down at mid semester and they cooled off a bit. But as this last week started they started stomping in and out of the classroom, talking loud to each other, and disrupting class. Which triggers my PTSD in front of the whole classroom. I went to my boss again, but she said she's done all she's going to do and for me to lump it. School's almost out.
I get that, but she doesn't have PTSD. It makes me want to cry in front of them, at home, everywhere. That class is so good--except for that, and I can't control how it triggers my PTSD. I lost my last job after just one year in 2011 and I've had this job for four years now. I don't want to get triggered and do something to lose this one, too. You all know how PTSD and work can be. I had 5 jobs in the 4 years from 2007-2011, so to have a 4 year run of stability from 2011-now means a lot for me.
When I asked for support here 30 days ago so I could make it to May 8th, I got lots of support replies. I printed them all off on a piece of paper, folded it up, and I carry it in my wallet. I'm looking at it right now, my support printed off on paper from DS PTSD.
I HAVE to believe in it tonight. Tomorrow I teach them again, and then again Friday. After I teach them tomorrow I see my doctor, and I also have blood drawn for tests concerning my permanent kidney failure, which I got from too high doses of PTSD meds in 2010.
I HAVE to believe, but tonight I want to cry. I hope one of my DS PTSD friends reads this and sends me a hug. Just one will be enough to motivate me to pull it together again tonight and stop crying so I will make it through tomorrow, my next to last class. And then Friday, when I can say, finally, I made it through another year.
5 more years to go until I can retire at age 62. One year at a time, by one day at at time, like this. I started this new job I have now 4 years ago at the exact same time I joined DS PTSD here 4 years ago, too. I can't take meds since 2010 and kidney failure, so I came here and this is my substitute for meds. I have to push through the anxiety, flashbacks, and raw pain without any meds at all. With nothing but DS PTSD support.
But you all at DS PTSD have been enough. You've always come through and made that possible for 2 days shy of 4 years so far. That's 1458 days you've always come through. I need to make it to 2 more days to make it 1460 days, or 4 years on this job. Your reply here and one hug to stop me from crying tonight and I think it will take the place of the meds I would need so I can make it through tomorrow. Just one.
Thanks.
Muji
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Good Thursday to you!I've been watching a really long trial on Youtube these last couple of nights and will finish tomorrowHopefully I'll be in the land of nod soon and I hope my peeps are having sweet dreams followed by a great daySending hugs...xo
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xhiN9qsZ3M
Hang in there muji. Almost there. You can do this.
You have been there for me when I had questions that I felt you were uniquely qualified to answer based on your life experiences, background and education. And you always exceed expectations. Muji, you are a very special and unique individual. Just look at what you have accomplished despite unspeakable odds. You have 2 days left my friend. Your fear and trepidation is unfounded because you are one of the strongest people I know.
If I could, it would be my honor to give you a manhug. I guess you will have to take a virtual one. And my friend, if you want to cry, please do so. I would give anything to be able to drain my tearpool, I just can't tap it yet, but I will. You are going to fly through these next 2 days in flying colors my friend. I would be blessed beyond imagination to have you for my teacher. Maybe up there. ( See, Paragraphs)
I was trying to find the original post to cheer you on yesterday but I couldn't find it.
Smooth sailing to you.
You're strong and gentle. You can do this love x
Bless you all. Blessings to you. Like I said in my hug replies just now, I'll take your support printed off on paper with me in my pocket to school tomorrow and look at it when I get triggered. Last time, that alone really helped keep my PTSD grounded.
Thanks again so much. I'm so grateful as I go to sleep preparing for tomorrow, the next to last day of the whole year.
Muji
Two more days. You can best those quarrelsome wenches.
Would it help to have a copy of Pete Walker's steps for dealing with flashbacks nearby? That way if you get triggered, you can glance at your list and know that you have a procedure you can follow. Now, I realize this is more challenging to do when teaching versus standing in line at the grocery store, but it's always okay to take care of you, and maybe you just need a starting place to break the cycle.
The other thing is that yes, maybe you've lst jobs before, but that was then, and this is now. You have been working on yourself and are stronger. We tend to undermine our recoveries. Such perfectionists! We want to handle it all perfectly, but we don't have to. We can learn to take care of ourselves one moment at a time, and as long as we can do that, we will be okay. Sending hugs to you, Muji.
I'm sending you One More Gear -- one you didn't know you had.
It's the one that lets you make it up that hill, takes the strain off the mechanicals, and gives you faith that you WILL get over this next peak.