Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
FF I'm on the edge. A month ago I posted a need for a 30 day countdown of support until this school year ended. I just didn't feel like I had the gas in the tank to end the year, and I was so close. For the last 28 days that support has carried me, and I thank you all so much for it.
But this very last week of it all my PTSD has been triggered in classes. Even though I have 97% great students, I've had 3 who've tried to bully me as instructor in, of all things, a death and dying class for nursing students I teach at my community college. I posted about them here before and got support I used well then, too.
It's a class they shouldn't even be in to start with. As you all suggested here in reply, I got my boss to sit them down at mid semester and they cooled off a bit. But as this last week started they started stomping in and out of the classroom, talking loud to each other, and disrupting class. Which triggers my PTSD in front of the whole classroom. I went to my boss again, but she said she's done all she's going to do and for me to lump it. School's almost out.
I get that, but she doesn't have PTSD. It makes me want to cry in front of them, at home, everywhere. That class is so good--except for that, and I can't control how it triggers my PTSD. I lost my last job after just one year in 2011 and I've had this job for four years now. I don't want to get triggered and do something to lose this one, too. You all know how PTSD and work can be. I had 5 jobs in the 4 years from 2007-2011, so to have a 4 year run of stability from 2011-now means a lot for me.
When I asked for support here 30 days ago so I could make it to May 8th, I got lots of support replies. I printed them all off on a piece of paper, folded it up, and I carry it in my wallet. I'm looking at it right now, my support printed off on paper from DS PTSD.
I HAVE to believe in it tonight. Tomorrow I teach them again, and then again Friday. After I teach them tomorrow I see my doctor, and I also have blood drawn for tests concerning my permanent kidney failure, which I got from too high doses of PTSD meds in 2010.
I HAVE to believe, but tonight I want to cry. I hope one of my DS PTSD friends reads this and sends me a hug. Just one will be enough to motivate me to pull it together again tonight and stop crying so I will make it through tomorrow, my next to last class. And then Friday, when I can say, finally, I made it through another year.
5 more years to go until I can retire at age 62. One year at a time, by one day at at time, like this. I started this new job I have now 4 years ago at the exact same time I joined DS PTSD here 4 years ago, too. I can't take meds since 2010 and kidney failure, so I came here and this is my substitute for meds. I have to push through the anxiety, flashbacks, and raw pain without any meds at all. With nothing but DS PTSD support.
But you all at DS PTSD have been enough. You've always come through and made that possible for 2 days shy of 4 years so far. That's 1458 days you've always come through. I need to make it to 2 more days to make it 1460 days, or 4 years on this job. Your reply here and one hug to stop me from crying tonight and I think it will take the place of the meds I would need so I can make it through tomorrow. Just one.
Thanks.
Muji
But this very last week of it all my PTSD has been triggered in classes. Even though I have 97% great students, I've had 3 who've tried to bully me as instructor in, of all things, a death and dying class for nursing students I teach at my community college. I posted about them here before and got support I used well then, too.
It's a class they shouldn't even be in to start with. As you all suggested here in reply, I got my boss to sit them down at mid semester and they cooled off a bit. But as this last week started they started stomping in and out of the classroom, talking loud to each other, and disrupting class. Which triggers my PTSD in front of the whole classroom. I went to my boss again, but she said she's done all she's going to do and for me to lump it. School's almost out.
I get that, but she doesn't have PTSD. It makes me want to cry in front of them, at home, everywhere. That class is so good--except for that, and I can't control how it triggers my PTSD. I lost my last job after just one year in 2011 and I've had this job for four years now. I don't want to get triggered and do something to lose this one, too. You all know how PTSD and work can be. I had 5 jobs in the 4 years from 2007-2011, so to have a 4 year run of stability from 2011-now means a lot for me.
When I asked for support here 30 days ago so I could make it to May 8th, I got lots of support replies. I printed them all off on a piece of paper, folded it up, and I carry it in my wallet. I'm looking at it right now, my support printed off on paper from DS PTSD.
I HAVE to believe in it tonight. Tomorrow I teach them again, and then again Friday. After I teach them tomorrow I see my doctor, and I also have blood drawn for tests concerning my permanent kidney failure, which I got from too high doses of PTSD meds in 2010.
I HAVE to believe, but tonight I want to cry. I hope one of my DS PTSD friends reads this and sends me a hug. Just one will be enough to motivate me to pull it together again tonight and stop crying so I will make it through tomorrow, my next to last class. And then Friday, when I can say, finally, I made it through another year.
5 more years to go until I can retire at age 62. One year at a time, by one day at at time, like this. I started this new job I have now 4 years ago at the exact same time I joined DS PTSD here 4 years ago, too. I can't take meds since 2010 and kidney failure, so I came here and this is my substitute for meds. I have to push through the anxiety, flashbacks, and raw pain without any meds at all. With nothing but DS PTSD support.
But you all at DS PTSD have been enough. You've always come through and made that possible for 2 days shy of 4 years so far. That's 1458 days you've always come through. I need to make it to 2 more days to make it 1460 days, or 4 years on this job. Your reply here and one hug to stop me from crying tonight and I think it will take the place of the meds I would need so I can make it through tomorrow. Just one.
Thanks.
Muji
-
Here is my new brother, copper :) He's so tiny! Moo and Tuck were ok with him on first meeting. Rocket due to his severe aggression will never meet Cooper.
-
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTDeA9Wxg/
Mine has been dropping my blood sugar level to below 70 for some time. No WONDER I've been dragging around, feeling edgy, then having that trigger me and worry about PTSD!
So I've been switched to a newer drug that bangs the pancreas to raise blood sugar levels, but not to make them drop any more. So I won't be a dead man walking with hypoglycemia soon. :-)
Thanks for everybody's support through this. I made it through those morning classes to the doc appointment. I got some resolution of why it's been so hard to make the final countdown to the end of working the full school year. Thank you, DS PSTD!
Muji
Last day!! Woohoo! You can do it!! Imagine me sitting in the back of the class making you giggle.
http://www.dailystrength.org/people/4205847/photos-videos/0
you go guy hugs min
I MADE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!
The day had one odd aspect to it at school. I usually read the names of graduates at our commencement ceremony from up on stage next to a colleague that did the honors with me. She's been there forever and has a reputation for being rather headstrong. I've only been there for 4 years. I never was told why I was chosen in the first place, and just went with it. But now I've been unchosen. When the announcement of the ceremony's logistics went out to faculty today from administration, I had been replaced.
I feel like I've been stood up at the high school prom. HA! :-) There's always some kind of high school politics going on with the adults working at every college, and I just lost out somehow. If they only knew the actual battles with real consequences here that are secretly waged with PTSD, they would know how much I don't really care about those image popularity rivalries. But I did enjoy doing it. it was fun to see the eager students respond when I called their names.
Nonetheless, I made it to the end of my 4th school year at this job, and I THANK YOU for helping me do that. Prior to this job I had had 5 jobs in 4 years, so completing another year with the 5th tenure year ahead means a lot. It validates my recovery since my last health crash in 2011. Being able to go up for tenure next year is a blessing, and the possibility of winning tenure a year from now in May 2016 is real, with your support to help me get through PTSD symptoms day by day. Again, THANK YOU!