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Sad, angry, lonely, hopeful, discouraged ....bleh....it is all there. I'm a little teary....not sure why.
I guess I am bothered that family never tries to reach out to me (except my brother who molested me). I am struggling with the food/weight stuff and starting ( just starting) to deal with the emotions involved with that. I am beginning remember all the things I was feeling while the abuse happened and relating them to how I react to people and situations now.
I am discouraged that I move at such a slow pace with everything. I just can't seem to get out of my own way.
I have spent the last couple of days with my film camera and doing some still life shots. I start with an emotion and create a scene in my mind. As I work through the process the scene takes on a life of it's own. I don't fight it...I just let it happen then take the shot. It can take hours to set up one shot. I have to make my own props which mostly means pulling something out of one of my curiosity boxes and adapting it to meet my needs. It keeps my mind busy and away from all that brooding I sometimes do.
Guess I'm just lonely and reaching out.
I guess I am bothered that family never tries to reach out to me (except my brother who molested me). I am struggling with the food/weight stuff and starting ( just starting) to deal with the emotions involved with that. I am beginning remember all the things I was feeling while the abuse happened and relating them to how I react to people and situations now.
I am discouraged that I move at such a slow pace with everything. I just can't seem to get out of my own way.
I have spent the last couple of days with my film camera and doing some still life shots. I start with an emotion and create a scene in my mind. As I work through the process the scene takes on a life of it's own. I don't fight it...I just let it happen then take the shot. It can take hours to set up one shot. I have to make my own props which mostly means pulling something out of one of my curiosity boxes and adapting it to meet my needs. It keeps my mind busy and away from all that brooding I sometimes do.
Guess I'm just lonely and reaching out.
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
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My day...today...misplaced my debit card...didn't realize it until I got to the register after shopping to a full cart. Used a different debit card and pulled apart everything looking for missing debit card before I left parking lot. Got home, dropped keys. So now I have a missing debit card, missing keys. A full cartload to unload and put away. I got everything put away.Dumped purse for a...
I do not have the eye for phtoography. That is a true talent. :-)
Yeah, my fam ignores me. I ignore most of them, to be fair. But ignoring Dad's toxic gene pool means I don't get around MOm's side much (they live near and have too many overlapping acquaintances----and then if I visit Mom's and not Dad's, I literally get hate....) It's stupid and complicated and at times absurd and always kinda lonely....
It's hard when the abuser reaches out, I bet. My sis sorta tried once in a letter... once.... but.... I dunno. She died. If she did reach out now I'd probably run screaming in the other direction. Or at least hobble quickly muttering bad words under my breath.
Wish I could give you a hug and see your photos and watch your process of setting up the shots. Bet it's like a dance in its way.
Purrs of healing,
Leo
gentle hugs
Sorry you are feeling down, Cecil, but I am thrilled you are putting it to good use. I love photography, and I am envious of your patience for staging. My photography is more likely to lead me to creepy places looking for fast moving critters.
Keep shooting.
https://www.flickr.com/photos/9691681@N07/13938429961/
https://www.flickr.com/photos/9691681@N07/13961585923/in/photostream/
https://www.flickr.com/photos/9691681@N07/13938416052/in/photostream/
https://www.flickr.com/photos/9691681@N07/13938416252/in/photostream/
https://www.flickr.com/photos/9691681@N07/13961592353/in/photostream/
https://www.flickr.com/photos/9691681@N07/13652746493/in/photostream/
Hope it works.
Oh yeah...only the black and white shots are film.
Yeah, it definitely blows your anonymity, but I am glad I got a peek.
Actually I am pretty sure there are worse things on the web about me for people to see :-)
So seeing your photos was a real, big way to brighten my morning.
I love the color photo of your kitty with the scarf draped over him/her. Way, way cute. The vase still life is really great, too. The best is the manniquin head with the butterflies. Very Frida Kahlo.
Thank you!