AUGH...

I hate to brag, but my mom tossed my dad out and got therapy when I was 16...she found out about 3 affairs my dad had had, and he was toast.
One of the affairs that my dad had was with my one uncle's wife-My uncle found out and moved away with his family. But don't feel bad for that uncle...I recovered memories of that uncle assaulting me.

It wasn't until after dad was out of the house that it was safe for me to begin to remember...My mom was physically and emotionally abusive in her own right at points...but I also understood she loved me, and II was, well, trauma bonded to her. So I could not remember so long as she still cared about him at all.

I couldn't stand to be around either of my familial abusers, and if those two were still part of the family, I could not be.

( My dad doubtlessly had more affairs. I have reason to believe I may have a Thai or Cambodian half-brother my own age, and no way to get in touch with the poor guy.
...I wonder if I have more half-siblings out there. It's a really weird idea.)

Supportive vibes.

My family was cleanly split--- Mom had no clue and her fam was loving (witho exception of her dad, but nobody really counted him)--- dad's was all toxic or pre-toxic --- so I know iif Mom's family knew? They' have helped....

But I didn't tell.

And my abusers had me too cowed to even tell Mom.

So.... Yeah.

I dream of a family reunion where I stand up and shatter some illusions about my dear sainted sister from He** but.... nah. That'd mean being around too many of them.

Hang in there. Don't let them take your truth.

The art of loving imperfect people ain't nothin' easy.

I am guessing that this comes after the event. Wishing you a speedy recovery.

Here's a family reunion movie, available on Netflix: "The Celebration". Trigger warning. Makes a nice Father's Day gift.

How was it, Cecil?

You wrote: "Gonna see Dad and the brother who abused me. Gonna pretend like it never happened. Gonna try to come to terms with loving people who hurt me either directly or by not helping. Maybe some didn't even know.""

Oh, yeah. Very familiar scenario on all levels. Thanks for describing it so well and so succinctly.

How did it go? (Support to you now from Brazil, of all places.)

I am back home in one piece. Hi Muji!!! **waving across the ocean and across the land***

It was a strange day. Usually when i get to these family things i am fine. Really fine. The brother who abused me was always my favorite. There is a whole lotta work for tdoc there but I digress.

Usually it is ok. We are all much older and nicer to one another and so it usually goes pretty well. Today i struggled. I felt "out of it", unfocused, dream like.

One of my brothers has a son from a first marriage when he was very young. My nephew is only about 8 years younger than me. He has a son (my great nephew) who just got married and his wife just had a baby about 1 month ago.
Anyway this nephew of mine annoys me. He is over bearing and loud. My great nephew skeeves me out. He has since he was a teen. He is maybe 20 or 21 now. There is just something so greasy about him. He spent one year at a non accredited bible school and now calls himself a minister. His father did the same thing.
This is not an attack on their beliefs. The kid just seems bad in some way. He can't hold my gaze. At minimum is is good old fashioned male chauvinistic attitude and he doesn't like my "go eff yourself " smile. At worst a serial killer is lurking under that greasy skin.

So odd as it seems i spent some time with my abuser brother discussing our shared disdain for the great nephew. At one point I even asked my brother if he noticed something "off" about this guy. He agreed with me.

When it was time to sit down and eat the great nephew was making my skin crawl so badly I literally picked up my plate and drink and left the room. I NEVER do stuff like that. I was taught to subvert all feeling and deal with crap but I just couldn't. I had to get away from him.

On the upside there were some good times with my nieces and my nephew in law ( he is just a cutie and so nice ) AND one of my nieces made something called "Apple Pie in a Jar" It is an adult beverage ...anyway it is pretty darn good and now I have a pint jar in my fridge.

Hey, Cec. Thanks for the international wave. Just checking in to see how it went

"I felt "out of it", unfocused, dream like."--Yeah, that's what I would've done. Dissociated.

"He spent one year at a non accredited bible school and now calls himself a minister. His father did the same thing. This is not an attack on their beliefs." My dad, my abuser, is also a grad of one of those unaccredited bible schools, and I don't say that as an attack on their beliefs. Just sayin'.

He made "my skin crawl so badly I literally picked up my plate and drink and left the room." GOOD FOR YOU! Way to do some self care on the spot.

"On the upside there were some good times with my nieces and my nephew in law" Hey, there was a pay off in relationships. Glad to hear it.

Yay Cecil.

Hi there. Nothing to add, just letting you know I'm with you.