You are moving forward..........little by little you will take away the power that those inner voices think they have.You were meant for great things. Never, Never, Never, forget that.

I wrestle between surviving and living every day. It's hard getting out of protection mode and needing to play it safe.
I would also agree the brain gets used to living in chaos mode... Retraining the brain is possible, from what I have learned here.
I also think you would make a great officer and wish you the best!

I'm sorry this keeps bringing the stress and pain into the forefront. I think we continue to work with things until they eventually hurt less. Wish I could tell you when you will begin to feel better.

What is really good though, is that you have goals. You know how you'd like life to be- some people can't even imagine that, so it's really positive you can even identify that.

Auxilliary police could be part of your healing; it's a meaningful way to respond to a terrible series of past events. Healing yourself will contribute to what you can give to others.

I've said it before, but you are a strong, smart woman. So worthy of healing and all the good things you would like in your life.

Whew! There are interviews designed to find the cracks in any system and it looks like you found one. And you are still coherent enough to tell the tale! Congratulations!

It seems to me that everybody I have ever met, Mythical Normie or damaged soul - longs for a life more meaningful than mere survival. I think each of us get that, too, but getting it ready for TV presentation is a different series of steps than living it.

Keep on surviving, Kat. Ya done good. Some things are just hard and this is one of them. I'll even accuse you of being Normal for feeling brain-zapped after such a chore.

Kat, you are ok. Sometimes things come up that make us feel the way you do right now. Triggers that put us into deep thoughts.

Personally, I think you will be a great asset to the auxiliary police. Your experiences will be helpful for officers who more and more are being forced to deal with mental health issues without the proper training. You survival of mental health will benefit those in crisis also. This is a growing field and you could be on the leading edge. We need people like you out there. Calm in a crisis.

In our area the Canadian Mental Health Assoc. just got funding for a mobile crisis team who will take mental health calls off the police department. They are doing this because the police are getting between 4-10 mental health calls a night and spending up to 7 hours at the emergency ward with the mental health patient. The mobile crisis team will go with police to the call, assess the person and decide if they need to go to the hospital. If they do the mobile crisis team will go with the mental health patient to the hospital and wait with them rather than the police. It will free up the officers time and ensure the patient get proper care by a trained professional in mental health.

Kat, I could see you doing something like this.

i dont know what your trauma is but I am you too as hundreds of thousands are,,,,The MOVIE MoNSTER could have been me by the grace of God and the school band program I literally grew up in hell with a mentally ill drunk mother an abusive sexist homophobic wife beating father and two a hole brothers sorry to say were police they both molested me as did all the males in my family at the tender ages of 345 up to 13 as well as someone in the church a J sanduskey dirty ole man the only way i could survive was to develep multiple personalities By some miracle I became a respected music teacher never been in jail,, yet at 51 due to untreated ptsd got raped again ,,, the b,,,stard got away with it,, I could not fight all I know to do is fight and survive now at 58 I cant teach due to pure burnout , but I thank God each day for the trumpet my band teacher gave me at 12 ,, it was the only thing that saved my life and I do believe my mothers prayers not all abused children become predators and murderers but I could have ,, with the hate and hurt i turned in on myself and had breast cancer too double mascectomy I could write a book on ptsd and the many ways we survive ,, I suggest you look at Herschell walker good role models of those who have defied the odds Corrie Ten Boom,, etc holocaust survivors,, it is not about you but your God given amazing gift of survival ,, which I believe could really contribute to being a first rate police officer or any rescue personel that is a good trait to have turn it around ,, God has a way of giving us what we need,, my friend is a doctor and her instincts under great duress make her an amazing doctor,, just my share ,, Lifre is not easy I start my day massively depressed and sing AMAZING GRACE then I know I am sitll among the living mayb I can inspire someone today and not let the bad guys win and take my soul,, by staying in bed in self pity, My best wishes to you,, warrior

I know wha you mean...I feel like my only acomplishment in this life has been surviving it....
But i agree with reply one....its tiny steps tha when show us we have continue to grow as people and good people regardless of what we think.