When I first started plying therapy exercises, I resented the need quite bitterly. **IF** I had been raised right, I wouldn't need no friggin' therapy in the first friggin' place!!!

Somewhere along the way I realized "Normies" don't have perfect, anxiety-free lives, either. Those therapy exercises I so bitterly resented are grown-up versions of the coping mechanisms "Normies" are taught in childhood. Getting with my own therapy program did double duty as setting a better example for my children. Maybe. I pray.

And then there is the divorce drama. . . Isn't exhausting a natural part of the STBX waltz? So or no, gentle support while you work it out.

You're not letting the kids see their father?

You have proof?

Look, this is SO state/county specific...

In my state of Pennsylvania...I would probably not just lose custody, but I might also end up with supervised custody (me the one being supervised).


South Carolina/Southeastern US ....you may have the law on your side.


I knew someone who had a TON of circumstancial evidence (therapist and teacher notorized reports) that the children's father was sexually abusing her preschool aged kids...and the West Virginia courts gave him unsupervised visitation.


I'm just going to say...a police officer...is NOT the person to ask about this stuff. Police don't enforce civil law...and divorce & child custody is civil law. ((( That said, in a rural enough area...the police may know the single judge that handles everything. )))


Have you ever heard of DivorceCare? They're an inperson support group for people going through divorces. It's NOT a place where you will find Professional advice, but you WILL find people currently going through it in YOUR state. As such, you may find out the way certain judges think of things.

And in some states...it's the judge who basically decides everything.

My county...has ONE judge. Just one. Big cities will have several...so which you get may end up being the luck-of-the-draw.

Patti please don't try to scare me. The officer said exactly what the other lawayer said. I'm in SE US. Every situation is different. Thanks for trying to think for me - I know it's from a good place, but things like that just create more anxiety. You're not here. You don't know my state or who else I've talked to. I've talked to SOOOO many people who would know and they're all saying exactly the same thing. Some say report it! And I'm hesitant because I don't know for sure that they wouldn't automatically charge him. Even the officer said more than likely all they'd do is take the report for documentation but you never know. I don't care who he is. My concern is not for revenge. It's for the safety of the kids. He can have them regularly again when he's drug tested, has taken an anger management class and completed the county required coparenting class. I'm the primary caregiver so judge would require him to take it before having custody anyways - I've already taken mine. Thanks for allowing me to defend myself. I'm so done with DS tonight.

Easy does it, Marah. Every case is, indeed, as unique as the family living through the challenge.

Breathing with you. . .

I joined DS because my ex drank himself throught the last year of our marriage and then decided he didn't want to be married any longer. I've heard a lot of stories in the 11 years I've been on the Breakups and Divorce board.

((( Myself, I never wanted revenge, and from what you've written, I've never thought that that was your motivation either. )))



Anyway, nope. Not trying to scare you, or do your thinking.

I worry...well it doesn't matter what I worry about...you've got your lawyer.

100% support...I'm more on your side than you think.

Triple hugs of support. I know everything is made even harder when exhaustion is involved.