I just spent about half an hour on the phone with a helpline, which did calm me down.  I totallly came undone and stopped coping.  

Basically,  I don't even know where to begin.

On my current job there is a man there who is really obsessive toward me.  It started as soon as I started working there, and it's not the first time it's happened to me at work, it's happened before at other jobs, and didn't work out so great.  On my current job, it started when I was at lunch and was talking with co workers and telling them about a time when I was at a professional lunch and the bartender deliberately put too much alcohol into my drink.  I was with my bosses. When I started to feel dizzy and woozy, I said something, and the bartender said: "You said no with your words and yes with your eyes."  It was really scary.

Upon hearing me tell this story, the co worker lit up, this seemed to energize him. He said, "Well you're going to get along really well here. How YOU doin?"  Everyone got really quiet and nervous, and I never went into the lunchroom again. I've been there eighteen months.

That night, when I went home, since we were obligated to have everyone's phone numbers, I get a text from him with an emoji of him saying "cheers." and holding up a glass of alcohol. He wrote: "I was sitting here having a drink and thinking about our earlier conversation at lunch today, would you like to continue our conversation, how are you this evening?"

I was so disgusted and sick and I never told anyone. I tried to ignore it but the texts kept coming, every night, asking me what I am doing, like he was trying to get a drink date with me or something. It just wouldn't stop. He was at my office every morning, kept staying there as long as he could. Talking about his ex wife and his current girlfriend. Just wouldn't leave. I told my boss that he was texting me, but I didn't tell her the whole context.  She said she would talk to him.

He came in and apologized and said he understood, but then after a while he started up again. My boss kept trying to rein him in, it didn't work. He started bothering other people. I came back this schoolyear and it started up again.  Our new boss came on board and ran this fake therapy circle last week, and directed people to start hugging. So of course he came over to me, I was just so sickened and degraded, him hugging me and his body on me I wanted to throw up. I have been avoiding and trying to keep him from getting near me and touching me. I felt totally cornered and trapped and suffocated like when I was being abused when I was a kid. I had a relative who was a s*x offender and I couldn't make him go away.  My new boss and I really aren't hitting it off and our values are not consistent.  I don't think this is going to last.

Yesterday, I was late to work and when I got to my room/office, he was waiting at my door for me.  I was speechless and horrified. He dramatically went out of his way to open the door for me. He is my parents' age.  At Christmas, he came in with a bottle of wine and brought it to me in a bag, in front of my students. I didn't want it, he basically shoved it at me and said, 'take this is put it away.'

As I was about to leave today, my co worker and then my boss, just to me they were acting weird and kinda rude. On my way out I said to my boss, I'll see you later after my surgery, I'll be back. She started gushing and getting really emotional and telling me how much she would miss me.  She comes across to me as very dramatic and histrionic, if that makes sense.  It felt weird and I just kinda stood there. I guess she didn't get the emotional reaction she wanted because she then got angry. I just left, feeling totally defeated. 

I called HR the minute I got home, I ended up telling the whole thing from the beginning, the whole eighteen months.  The guy has been warned twice, by my first boss and upper management. I felt like I couldn't go on like this another day, like I'd rather just not exist anymore, I went back in my recovery and development to the last time I made a s*icide attempt. It was because my boss from years ago was doing this to us all the time, touching us, etc. on top of being abused at home and I took a whole bunch of pills, nearly really did it, and got myself locked up.  I was just about there again today.  

I don't know what's going to happen after this, but I don't want to go back there anymore. All of my job applications get denied as I'm looking, I got a few "no thank you" letters that came into my box. I don't want to do this anymore.