Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
Hey everyone....
I just got news that my estranged father of 20 yrs just suffered another stroke (totalling 4) and passed away this morning. I'm struggling with a mixure of emotions at the moment.
He was in and out of our lives growing up... and when he was around, he was more a monster then a nice human being. We were raised back and forth between the US and a Muslim country (my father being Muslim). When he walked in the door he used to chase my class mates out (I used to do homework with them), throwing objects at them in the house and all the way down the driveway yelling at us to "stop whoring around" and then he'd threaten to throw me out of the house naked and tell me I would have to prostitute myself to survive. How do you tell your 9, 10, or 12 y /o daughter horrible things like that?! Especially in a Muslim culture where they put women of sexual immorality to death?!
Anyway, those are just some of the scarring memories I have of him. So when he tried to reach out to me about 6 mo ago through FB and then my personal email, nothing apologetic, and a bunch of arrogance "This is your father, bla bla bla, me, me , me, my wife passed away, oh btw I'm sick and I need money....". His message came the day after a friend of mine passed away (and we just had lunch together) so I was in shock and heartbroken. And this "wife" he spoke of? Was a mistress he ran around with while married to my mom till she finally left him. He went and married her then sent an email to my relatives and older brother that he never loved my mom and he was always meant to be with "her". (vomit). Suddenly we're all supposed to feel sorry for him??
I'm struggling with whether or not I made the right decision in NOT responding to him when he tried to contact me. I wasn't ready to receive his messages or to coomunicate to him. I wasn't ready in case he threw any mind games my way. I wanted to keep it shut. I htought maybe one day IF and when I was ready I would say something to him. Maybe even tell him off. Now that opportunity is gone. Did I do anything wrong?
I am sad and hurt that we left off this way... that we never made amends or any kind of closure. Or the fact that we didn't really have a father daughter relationship. I'm an awesome person and he could have had an awesome relationship with me, but no..... nothing. He's in God's hands now... literally.
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Well, our drought isn't broken but our gutter is. Got two big storms rigth after each other and, wait for it, a tornado warning.Now, I was already running for my go-bag when I heard thunder. The air felt wrong. The sky was getting a color to the west. Been there, lived that, time to hide.No funnel touched down but the radar indicated rotation, and boy was it visible from the ground. Different...
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Welcome to the Perseid meteor showers, the "biggies" usually every year. (The Leonids beat 'em one year IMHO).AND today much of the northern hemisphere will see 5 to 99% solar eclipse. How cool is that? Your best bet is to be in the UK or norhtern Spain, where totality is excellent before sundown. Me, I'll get a super duper tiny itty bitty slice of it, so little that it won't be noticeable. New...
Patti, I'm glad you feel relief. I wish my mom would feel that way instead of sitting around the house as the "grieving widow" Ugh.
Muji, I am definitely grieving that I had no father. Now that he's dead, I'm feeling angry too. Angry at all the things he did and that he made no efforts to make amends. But an uncle called last night and told us the details of how he died and I feel sorry for him too. The hospital made a mistake and discharged him.... he died an hour later at my cousins house. Man.....
THank you, BrokenLady. My husband took me out for sushi last night and we had a rootbeer float after. It definitely helped.
Muskuko, mom just moved back here to Hawaii from OH last week.... we are still trying to get her in the system. She definitely needs a therapist. Thank you for your support. I really needed to hear that. I hate doubting myself.