You bring up 2 issues: Your situation, and everybody elses. One shoe isn't gonna fit every foot.

In what you wrote about triggering at work, I'm thinking you might consider a continuum of working options, not just nothing or full time. You didn't mention your career, but is there a way to try a part-time, temporary or contract position? Obviously there are varying work environments w/in same profession that are more or less people intensive, and obviously variations in personalities of co-workers.

(As an example, for a while I did statistical analysis on consulting basis and it was just me and my computer and my much beloved paycheck. Later used same background to go into teaching.)

Post PTSD, if you want examples of others success/struggles w/ coping. My trauma occurred mid-career, when I was in a people dense, high stress work place. It was a struggle, one that would ebb and flow depending on my own stress level and what stuff was happening at work. I had to make very strict rules for myself to keep it together and remain professional/civilized. I would not allow myself to react outwardly in anger or any other emotional way. I would hole up in my office to cry. at times. Only once did I cancel a class. And not long after the trauma event I took 2 weeks off and hid at home, under advice of my doc.

Now I don't financially need to work. I sometimes miss the hustle and bustle, but not enough to want to go back.

One other thing, there are some people who spontaneously become more aggressive/abusive when they sense vulnerability in a co-worker (like a lion picking on the limping wildebeest). I found after I got PTSD, I had more negative challenges to diffuse than before- and that my own changed vibe could only have been the catalyst for this. Dealing w/ this helped me further develop my skills at being assertive w/ out being defensive or aggressive. (Falls under the never let them see you sweat, and always take the high road philosophies.) In other words I became very good at standing up for myself, in a determined but civilized way.

Good look w/ trying to sort out what direction you want to take. Volunteer work is another good option for sticking your toe back in; often means short hours too.

thanks, let it be 3

I was a critical care nurse. At this point, I don't see jobs in nursing as being a good fit for me. Although, some might be less stressful than others, right now I don't feel confidence to go back to the same healthcare systems.

I just appreciate you sharing your experience. I did end up crying the last day of my last job, I was unable to hold it back, and had no office to cry in, just a cubicle among many. I think you said something I recognize, people to tend to target the people they see as weaker or vulnerable with their angry outbursts and aggressive behavior. The last job I was at, two nurses left before me also, for apparently similar reasons, according to other co-workers.

I like your words of wisdom of "never let them see you sweat, and always take the high road philosophies.... become very good at standing up for oneself, in a determined but civilized way. This is easier said than done, and I have failed at that several times, but it is not to late to keep trying.

I have just signed up to volunteer to help me get comfortable again with a weekly commitment for shorter hours. That might be enough to help me feel better. The extra income of a part time job would be nice, but I think it best to take baby steps in this matter for now.

Thank you for sharing.

Tiny thought about nursing: had a cousin whose favorite nursing gig was to sign on w/ a service and work nights, only when she wanted, in ICU. She said most of the patients were in comas and little active medical treatment occurred at night. Pretty low stress. This is a true story, but passed on to you tongue in cheek.

I can definitely understand changing to a less stressful job having done so myself. I think sometimes doing something mindless would be a good idea, like working answering phones at an office or something like that. Volunteering is definitely a good way to start out. I don't know of any jobs you can do on your own unless you have your own business, but maybe doing something at an animal shelter cleaning cages or walking the dogs would be okay for you. I think if you really don't feel that you can work and are working with a good therapist, then maybe you need to concentrate on your personal recovery. But you do want something that is a good distraction as you don't want to spend 100% of your time ruminating about what happened or how you feel. I say that from experience.

Contracting was my most successful gig. AutoCAD was my best seller. It allowed me a more controlled environment and the flexibility to do what I had to do to manage the symptoms. The feast or famine aspects often stressed me out, but there's always something.

I have the same problems trying to keep a job longer than 2 years. Now I am on disability because I can not handle the PTSD, stress, panic...
.
My therapist and psychiatrist both insist that I do not work right now. Unfortunately, my finances are a mess, but I can not hold down a job. Just thinking about work freaks me out.

I wish I had an answer for you. When you figure that out let me know.

Hi, my heart goes out to you. I've also had difficulty staying in jobs. I work as an assistant nurse, and used to work in nursing homes. But even with part time work, after 4 months I'd feel exhausted and quit - can't handle stress very well.
In the last 14 months i've had the dream job, as far as my condition goes - I work in a public hospital as an assistant nurse. I supervise one patient at a time, they might be confused or demented, and at risk in some way - falling, getting out of bed. In other words, it's a very easy job most of the time, and I sit by the bedside mostly, reading a book.
I've been very grateful to have a job I can cope with, but lately I'm thinking to go back to nursing homes. I just feel so useless, when there's nothing to do.
but, that's my story, just to say I can relate to having difficulties with employment. Just a thought for you - what about doing 'home care' where you drive around to people's places to look after them?
Oh, and I had a job in a nursing home in 2010. I was being bullied, which brought up heaps of fear, and after 2 months I had to walk. That was very demoralising. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

OK - I have not read all of the original post nor any of the responces - I am just too tired today. But I thought I would give everyone a real world smile. You see, I can't hold down a real job anymore - between my mental and physical disabilities, there is just no way.

The VA believes that with a proper skill set, I can once again be a productive person in society - so they pay me to go to college full time. Full time college is about the closest I can get right now to working, and that is about 15 or 16 hours of being around people a week. I can do that. That makes me enough money to cover my horse costs.

My VA disability pays the mortage on the house.

Hubby, when he can find work in the IT field, as volitile as it is, covers the rest of the bills and groceries.

That leaves spending money - which comes back to me... which I do by making medieval chainmail and scalemail armor and selling them at conventions and medieval events.

Yes - I make chainmail for a living! Are you smiling? You should be. How many people do you know knit with pliers for a living using techniques from the early medieval period?

Thank you all for your thoughtful and insightful replies.

Letitbe3, I have been a nurse on midnights in ICU and I don't know where your cousin worked, but, my experience is much more stressful, not with people in coma and little work to do, but rather, admissions, discharges, surgical admissions, heart attacks, code blues, blood pressure crashing, seizures, ...my experience was very different. I once signed up to do contract work at various hospitals, but I panicked my way right out of that, ...I had so much fear. I do better with a balance of routine, and small individualized challenges to learn, not so good with the unexpected and constant change. Also, for me the years of doing midnight shift really did not suit me well, my internal clock never adjusted mentally or physically, and the sleep/wake cycle never got normal for me, and this exacerbated my symptoms...working midnights was a big blur of my memory, which is sad, because I was a young mother then.

But, I do appreciate you sharing your experiences with compassion. Posting this issue has made me realize, I still need to continue to work at getting physically healthy and fit for duty, as well as continue working on mental and emotional coping skills and boundary setting, then I can figure out if I really want to go back to work or not, and if I am willing and financially able to continue to living on a modest budget of my husband's disability. So, Maybe I put the cart before the horse in asking, because then I guess, once I meet the criteria for me to be healthy enough to complete working for a living, I have to ask myself, do I want to go back to work, and if so, what do I want to do?
I think it is awesome how Yadim found a hobby of medieval fairs that inspired making chainmail! I have kind of lost the zest for lots of things that I used to get inspired about and excited about.... hopefully that comes back with improved well-being.
Stella, I did some mindless jobs for minimum wage in the past, and then I would get the feeling I could be making 4 times as much money to go back to a professional job, so I did. Sometimes, I think a mindless job is a good bridge to a professional job, because it gets me back into work mentality and just showing up, taking baby steps, before showing up to something stressful. I really honestly don't think I would handle a stressful job well right now.
And Arfie, I think it takes a huge amount of self-confidence to do contract work, to go out there and sell yourself. I commend you for that. I wish I could figure out what skills I have that are marketable and needed in my area to do something like that, starting out with a small amount of hours, maybe 12 hours a week, and then seeing how that goes.
I have thought about going back to school, but not knowing what I feel a passion for and finances have me just at the thinking about it stage.

Thank you all for allowing me to think these thoughts, and sharing your experiences with me. It is just so helpful to converse with others.

I've had a lot of problems with work. I've had the same federal job for about 5 yrs. I got my PTSD right around the time I started this career. It's been very difficult. I think my only saving grace is that it is a federal job so it is a lot more lenient than most jobs. I can take off a lot of mental health days. I have found it almost impossible to go to work a full 40 hrs. I almost always end up leaving early or taking days off at least once a week.

Because I seem like such a vulnerable target to predatory people, my last boss (a narcissist) did everything she could to make my life hell. I was singled out, discriminated against, treated differently from everyone else in my group, had a separate set of rules that nobody else had to follow, etc. This went on for probably 3 yrs. A year ago I was in an elevator accident which made my PTSD even worse and I was on workers comp for a bit and have been allowed to work from home 2 days a week since.

Also, about 6 months ago, my old bosses all left and I got a new boss and she's great, she never bothers me, doesn't have any control issues, passive aggression problems, or anything like my old bosses. So I am finally able to work in peace. But due to the depression, stress, anxiety, etc, I still have a lot of problems with work during the 3 days a week I have to go in. And I still find it very hard to make it through all 3 days without taking a day off or leaving early or going in late.

I have started to try to document all the medical issues in case I end up having to go on disability because of it. But I'm hoping I'll be able to go to full time telework eventually which will alleviate most of the issues.

Teaching works for me. The classroom is usually a safe space, I usually make it so. My PTSD anxiety soars when that gets messed with, as happened with a staff person who is a recovering addict and played out his issues on the job.

I get moving every 2 years. I beat that and stayed at one of my jobs for 8 years, but I've had periods where I did that, too. A nice thing about teaching is summer recovery time, if you're willing to live on less pay and not teach summer school. Thanks for putting your experience out there; I really relate.

Dear Mujicapstd,

I opened a business for almost 7 years where I was teaching recreational classes and I really enjoyed 90% of it, except my difficulty in dealing with abusive or narcissistic personalities that occasionally came through. However, due to various reasons, injury, a poor economy, not really earning enough to live on, so needing to get a full time job with benefits, I gave that up.

Then, I could only cope with handling that full time job for 1 1/2 years, and I quit. I gained alot of weight, so I am not currently able to go back to recreational teaching, but I like what you said about you making the classroom a safe space.... I tried to do that with my business, and I do believe it was a healing place for many who came for exercise and fun and left with moral support.

I can understand your pain. For me my job was the world to me. It defined who I was and balanced my life. When I got PTSD and lost not one but two jobs I felt worthless. At this point I am to afraid to go back to work, so I went back to school. Here I can learn to cope with stress, conflict and other people in a safer environment where if I make a mistake it will not cost me my job. Not sure this will work, but it is delaying my return to the workplace at least and right now I need to hide from work. My therapist tells me that when I return to the workplace, it would be better for me or any PTSD person to look for work with a small company, charity non-profits, or run my own business. She acknowledges that these will generally be low paying jobs. Guess my days of making a good living are over. Thanks PTSD!

Thanks CC for your understanding, I applaud you for getting back to school as a stepping stone. I am thinking about it, but that is as far as I have gone. Even school seems stressful at the moment, but I agree what a good play book to have, a new path to follow.

Maybe grieving and accepting the loss of the career that defined me and balanced my life is still in order. I keep trying to figure out a way to get it back without risk of failure d/t pstd again. Maybe letting go and making a new path, even with less pay would be a good fresh start.

Well I can relate somewhat I haven't worked in over 4yrs but only 2 and half yrs were due to my ptsd and its been very hard but the best thing to do is constantly remind ur self to be positive and I knowits very hard but ikf u need to talk I will always be here! Its tuff and not a lot of people realize it!