First off, YOU need to get to a counselor, okay? First make sure you can function healthy, otherwise.... And your daughter is an adult. I'm sorry. This is hard to say. My mom faced it with my sister. She's gonna do what she does, and all you can do is give her love. Anything else will bounce off until *she* is ready.... and she isn't. So make sure *you* will be, okay?

I agree with Leo Spiral.... I would get some help for you and perhaps go to Nar-anon.....

The show Intervention is really great I think in order to see what will help drug addiction... You can't save her... She has to want to save herself and that is often hitting bottom....

I know that it's really hard... A close friend of mine has a daughter who is an addict

It's important though not to enable her in any way and not to become codependent ...

Big squishy hug.... xo

Good advice Leo and SunCloud. I would say the same thing because it is hard to help someone you love, even though you know they need help but you can not be the one because you are the mom.

Please do not be hard on yourself Spiral. I am sure you are doing the best you can but your daughter is going on with her own mind and not hearing a word you say. That is sad to say. I don't mean to sound negative at all, I referring to an issue in my own family.

I just retired from doing my best at being a counselor and a teacher, Spiral. It was what it was. Since I'm a loner with no partner's support, first of all it had to be a paycheck.

As for self-medicating my 3 flashbacks per day PTSD, turning to street drugs is always an option even now in 2021 because it's so bad. Cocaine killed my best friend in 1989 and I had to carry his casket on my shoulder at his funeral as a pallbearer at his mom's request. So I didn't get to be in denial about it like a lot of other people do,

Adjusting to retirement is tricky because I never expected to live to 63 after one of my PTSD traumas. A soldier's gun jammed twice instead of killing me when I was a 15 year old missionary kid abroad. From then on I just winged it as to how to live on. I got away with that on the job, but never as to finding a partner and having kids. At that I failed,

Another adjustment making retirement tricky is that as my own sole source of support I couldn't afford to retire in the USA. I had to give up all of my friends I now had time for and move to cheaper Mexico all alone. It's been a handful to do on my own, Smoking tons of pot sounds tempting now. Of course, I have no idea how to get it and I don't know anyone who does. Sigh.

I wonder why am I here at 63 after 15?

Thanks. I get I cannot make her do anything and she needs to decide for herself. It does not make it any easier. I am almost done my social work education, just 2 more placements....got to love COVID. Anyway, I cannot even figure out how to talk to her, she just yells and snaps that I hate her. Right now she is at a very high risk and the lines of communication are really strained. I have been sending her a txt once a week. Just something like, our door is always open or here the link to a really awesome counsellor or love you. She does not respond.

Does social worker training still cover the dangers of treating family members like clients?

Honest question. Allot has changed since the 70's when I was in college and I was only vaguely exposed to the schools of social science, mostly at college happy hour.

In my hospital chaplaincy training in 2004 it was definitely off limits for us to counsel family members, arfie.

Arfie, yes, it still does cover the dangers of counseling family, it is a big no no. However, I am not done school yet, I still have to do 2 placements which I am having problems getting because of COVID.

I just find it difficult to communicate with her and honestly anything I have learned has gone out the window. I cannot seem to figure out how to gain her trust. We use to be close as a family. Honestly, if I can figure out how to approach my own daughter, I will likely make a horrible counsellor. Communications and gaining trust are a pretty big deal in counselling. I cannot seem to figure it with someone I know very well. I am not talking about counselling her, I just want her to trust me enough to go seek help and at this point she will not even talk to me.

I am not sure what to do. Honestly, the hurt side of me is saying, cut the ties and protect yourself from any further hurt. Tell her she is not welcome at the house anymore and stop trying to talk to her. A kind of careful what you ask for, you might just get it. At this point a lot of damage has been done to our relationship even if she decided to straighten up and act like an adult, get help.

The other part of me says, I am her mom and need to keep the lines of communication open, just in case she needs help.

Anyway, it was a rough day today, lots of crying and anger. I really don't need this drama and have cut a lot of people out of my life for stuff like this. Everyday that goes by makes it much more difficult to not just wash my hands of this, disown her and wish her well with the rest of her life. She doesn't want me in her life, fine. Nothing I can do about it but move on. She will not listen or talk to me, so why keep trying. It only upsets me and I try hard to avoid this shit in order to keep health.

In the end, my health has to come first. She might end up unpleasantly surprised I would choose my health over my own daughter, but I will if she keeps pushing. I am not going to get dragged down with her.

I found today difficult as I am feeling depressed over this and will soon have to decide to stop trying to repair the relationship and face it that I have lost her. I need to look after me first. I cannot let myself fall into depression.

When a partner with whom I lived relapsed and returned to drugs and alcohol I turned to Alanon for my support, Spiral. She got so bad that in a drugged and drunken state she got arrested for shooting a pistol at the neighbor's house because their dog was barking too loud. Things were out of control and in my own house. Alanon really helped, it's the reason I'm here at DS PTSD now.

Alanon helped me, too. :-)

:-)

I lived the way your daughter is living for a long time. I was a heroin addict and I suffered from childhood trauma. I have been to 11 times and it seemed to work until the obsession becomes too much to deal with then I would relapse. My problem is I could never heal the trauma and the ptsd was too much. Then I found my way to an Ibogaine treatment center in mexico. That was in 2011. I have been clean since. You should look into it for your daughter. There are some really good clinics out there. If you want I can give you a number so you can reach out?

Wow, CrownHeights770, I just moved to Mexico 6 months ago. Not for rehab, but for the other *r* word: "retirement." So glad to hear that treatment down here worked so well for you and gave you a whole decade clean! Congrats!!

Alanon or narcanon or counselling for you sound like good ideas. I think it is nice that you reach out and tell her you love her once in a while even if she doens't respond. I know when I am really angry and pushing people away I still want love even if I can't say that or reciprocate even act civil. i guess you ahve to go with your instincts about what to do too. i don't know.