I go through this with my family too. Sometimes I feel like I'm crazy or invisible because they can't see how much I'm getting upset! Like when my son massages my husband and he makes those pleasure grunts - this is at night, in our bed, when I'm about to sleep. I told them I'm going to leave the room next time! And anything about the sexualization of young girls ...

My son has a hard time because I think he is trying to figure out what a man is and wonders if this rage is directed against him ... he is prone to guilt and shame (why? what did I do to him?). Anyway, I am letting myself burst into tears if needed to let them know how upset it gets me. I don't like it because I feel I'm being a stereotypical hysterical mom - but I've decided to have enough self-respect to know that that's NOT what I am and if I have to let my feelings show to be taken seriously, at least I no longer live in a household where tears would be grounds for further mockery and abuse.

I have a mixed reaction to this one.
My impulse would be explain: When I say I don't wanna know? I mean it! So shut up!
My other reaction is: OK, he helps people and animals but watches gore-fests and slasher-flicks and apparently didn't mind seeing you uncomfortable, while he detailed torture? The inconsistency there is raising a huge red flag for me.

Now, I don't know him. My Hubby is the sweetest guy around, has maybe one mean bone in his body (I suspect a little toe) and wouldn't hurt anyone.... And if I tell him, "that film will trigger me" he doesn't watch it on DVD till I've gone to bed. He doesn't expect me to sit through things he knows make me uncomfy. Nor do my BFFs.

I'll split the difference and suggest you ask him if he felt compelled to ignore your wishes and detail the torture because *he* had discomfort and that's how he was trying to cope. But if you feel like he got off on detailing torture? That's a whole other convo.

I had a friend over just this past Friday and we avoided triggering topics, and when I started to get bad, I knew it was my deal, and said as much, and it was fine, but we've known each other over 20 years. We've worked out the friendship kinks.

Sorry to ramble, but I'd go the route of asking outright why he continued when you said you didn't want to know. And it's okay if you triggered, it's not just "your" thing---it's a thing for all those in our lives, to some extent.

Gentle support,
Leo

That was his bad, not yours.

That being said, even loving family with the best of intentions screw up on occasion. Mine do sometimes - I throw things at them and then make them knock it off.

Horror triggers me, and what is hubby watching right now? Z Nation. He put on it just for me to watch the episode I purposely avoided. Now I am triggered - but at least it is off.

Sigh,
yadlim

My guess? It made him feel strong and powerful to see you freak out - as if he is stronger than you. This means he doesn't get it.

Ah, the art of wiggling dirty fingers in open wounds...

I mostly treat "it" like my stuff to work through. If the opportunity to work "it" out on an inter-personal, I go for it, but I surely don't bet my personal well-being on that opportunity arising.

Whether "it" is my son using today's slang, his grandfather using McCarthy Era slang, or a talk/news show host trying to keep the ratings up, "it" is a trigger cliche in my own irrational reactions. I shoot for minimum engagement. The less I feed "it," the quicker "it" wanders off in search of fatter grazing. If my triggering gets too intense, I go off and work my program.

Whether that makes sense to your case, or not, gentle support while you work "it" through, Reed.

Having an adult daughter who idolizes her abusive but now deceased dad, my response.
" I know your are not blind to my anxieties when you bring this up or constantly refer and expound on it. What it does to me to have to keep correcting you will do neither of us any good. But it will pull us apart. I can't hear that without a reaction, feel the anxiety and pain all over again. There are so many more subjects to talk about but if this is all you can come up with... please take it elsewhere.

For you to have to explain your anxieties to your child whatever age because they keep pushing the button is time for boundaries. If he would actually jump in to save a kitten from drowning, it's time he knew that you don't want to find out he is only doing it for show, that he isn't really in his heart* that good.
* heart=true self.

Kids learn just like others when the can hurt without striking a blow, but the pain is still painfully registered, if the get any sort of satisfaction, then it's cruelty.

BTW My daughter doesn't push the subject of her dad around me any more, I don't remind her every-time I have trouble standing, that it was what he did to me.

"Normal" people don't get it. I'm fine if I can get away buy I get really mad when people continue and won't leave me alone.
Although, I think that people without PTSD get bullied or agitated by insensitive people. Some people are jerks.

Thanks everyone.

Jewels, I really like how you phrased that response and imagined saying it with no emotion.

Reed, you know one of the reasons I'm here is that I was tortured in the 1970s when I lived overseas. Soldiers did it.

It's with me daily. I'm pretty good with it. But since the horrible events of 9-11-2001, I've noticed torture presented in a different and more acceptable light on tv. In really popular tv shows.

It makes me realize how naive people can be about the topic. I think they're venting anger, or thinking it's a way to fight back against terrorists.

It's not. Except for the mentally ill, torture ruins the lives often of the torturers themselves and not just us victims. And it gives very little back, if anything, even in the way of information. Information gathered under torture is usually unreliable by simple definition.

Then I've seen torture leak out of those anti-terror practices into being acceptable in movies portraying other scenarios, too.

I can usually handle it with some detachment unless it's somebody close to me, as in the case with your son. Once in a while the topic pops up close by when I don't have my guard up, and I feel exactly like you do. You're not alone in this. I hope it's getting better today.

All of these comments and support and insights are helping a lot.

You're right, Muji. People don't get how torture impacts everyone involved forever. It destroys potential, ruins lives and, in the long run, accomplishes very little.

Thanks for listening.