Maybe your mind has blocked out something to terrible and hurtful for you to remember?

I feel like I'm usually screaming "what is it". Lately I've even been trying to cut when I can't I guess to make something spill out. If I've been hiding this thing for all my life would getting it out now just do me in completely? Then I still keep telling myself and everyone here there's nothing. Something blank is lurking yet there is nothing.

QUESTION: can you make up crying. Not acting, but having the real feeling and doing it but it just comes out of nowhere and with no basis but like a real thing did happen and you cry for real. Am I making sense? I swear there is nothing inside and nothing upon that. I'm so full of nothing so why do I need to bother crying?????

If you're crying, it has a cause, it's just not immediately obvious. You may find out that you've got a reason much later, or never know, but random tears hit me in PTSD. It's just what it is, darn it. If something has to come up/out, it will, in its own time. Just let the tears flow. They're probably very much overdue. That's how it is to me.

Sounds like what my docs and I call, "Anxiety Attacks." Sometimes they hit for no apparent reason.

Continued support while you figure what ^it^ is for you.

maybe you've not felt safe enough yet to remember the memory.

maybe you are beginning to feel safe enough

Feelings don't lie.

maybe you are having emotional flashbacks. they are extremely confusing feeling. they do not come with a visual memory to connect to and when i had one it did feel the most frightening until i realised it was a flashback and let it happen.

for weeks, i kept trying to figure out what these terrifying feelings were about.

it helped me to realise that i was 'safe enough' and IN the present time and place.

for myself, what helped was to comfort my earlier self and allow htat littler self to feel those feelings, knowing that more grown up/more evolved if you will/me, was here now/safe enough now, to hold down the fort while that happened.

a lot of TW all over the place

the fort, being our physical body, while mentally holding that little me - embracing little me while she cried.

you might need to spend time gaining little yous trust. i had to.

here is a reference to pete walker's website - specifically about emotional flashbacks. he is awesome
http://www.pete-walker.com/pdf/emotionalFlashbackManagement.pdf

((((Gentle hugs))))

big Hmmmm....dw, that feelings don't lie, mine are telling in secret code. LP, little me (the me one, not you) my hijacker boasts that its dead. killed by hijacker. it is a lie i know, but...
ANOTHER QUESTION: don't you hate therapists? mine, the intensive one, seems so detached. like he's playing a chess game or something. and gives those, "i'm totally not going to respond to what you just said" looks. And arfie, please don't be bothered by my saying, i could not get a committment out of him about the politics/non politics i've been spewing lately. i still need to express how frustrated and stuck and i don't know what else i am. and i am indeed often triggered. don't know what to do about that. i'm in a good mood and suddenly little things just go and destroy it. i have yet to take a look at the links. i will. if i've blocked out something, really, would it be best to not pursue it? i think i've had enough pain. don't want it anymore.

...and thanks everyone. btw, i'm not going higer than the middle face anymore. just got to contain it.

Whatever it is you're so afraid to know, the fact is you've already survived it. I think what becomes scary in itself is the mental partitioning. I am in the same boat btw.