Hi all, I'm new to this group but I thought I would give it a try to see if it helps at all. Basically my life has been flipped upside down for about 3 years now and I am only now starting to realize why. A bit of backstory is that I have always been very good at internalizing my traumas and anxieties. A quick list of what I am now able to see as traumas are blaming myself for my dad's second failed marriage when I was 8, blaming myself for my uncle's back problems and surgery, blaming myself for 3 different friends that struggled hard with mental health problems as I wasn't able to help them (one even went into a coma for a couple days from drugs), and finally I find that I blamed myself for my mother's suicide when I was 20. I should say that I am 26 now. This blaming myself approach had become a staple of my life since I was 6 as I constantly wanted to make people happy, get love, and be perfect as to not disappoint anyone. However, that led to me obtaining an unhealthy approach to life as I always took the full weight of each trauma on my shoulders. This then led to developing a strong opinion of myself as a failure, stupid, and a fraud. As you can imagine, I got severe anxiety and depression from these that I suffered from since middle school. This is all relevant because even though I was suffering from these disorders, I was in denial and telling myself I was fine. It wasn't until 3 years ago when I went through a bout of food poisoning did my life really change. I had just started to find my feet and was getting better with my anxiety and depression as I was working and forming healthy relationships. Ever since that food poisoning, I always am fighting my anxiety that manifests itself physically with nausea, dizziness, vertigo, IBS, panic attacks, etc. At the time though, I didn't know what was happening so I assumed something was seriously wrong with me physically and I saw many specialists as tests kept coming back negative. It wasn't until I finally saw a psychiatrist last november that I was told I could be suffering from PTSD. That blew me away, I thought that really only veterans, victims, and survivors could suffer from it but when I went to read more I cried at how accurate it described the hell that I had been in. I didn't know PTSD could manifest years later after the traumatic event and I believe that the food poisoning reminded me of the heavy drinking that I went through after my mother's passing. I am still amazed at how the brain works. Since December/January I have been seeing a brainspotting therapist weekly to help work through everything and it has done wonders for my anxiety and my mental health. I'm still nowhere near 100% but each week I feel like I improve while learning something new about myself. However, I had a major setback today as I was getting ready to move back into my father's house (I have been living at my grandparent's while they are away). As I was packing I became overwhelmed with moving back to where all this trauma occurred, thoughts of regressing and the fear of being triggered took control of each thought as my anxiety went higher than it has in months. Luckily I was able to handle it better than I had in the past, by stepping back, taking a shower and calling some people for support which I never would have done before. I haven't moved yet but I still am scheduled to move tomorrow so the anxiety could return and that scares me. So I was hoping that typing this all out would help me cope as would getting advice from others that suffer.