Today hits another anniversary reminder. Another anniversary reminder of a traumatic incident. It seems that all day I knew today was a very important date, but I have done a lot to avoid the vivid reminders.

I thought I would be losing all sanity but actually, I am surprised I have not. I guess to say that is a good thing, for starters. I remember this date well because it was the incident I re-enacted to my mother about my brother's threat to kill me. I remember the fear,shock,anger,terror, horror of being cornered and the silence of nobody to hear it. I remember how that night I went to my uncle's place, to sleep on the couch, late that night. I thought to myself," this is the end of me". There is no lower than low. It was a night to remember.

I remember the months of September-January being my worst fall/winter: along with the hurricane Sandy and all the natural disasters happening at that time. Talk about disaster! I am absolutely shocked on how still I feel, yet I feel like it's all a bad memory; bad dream. I can sense that my physical/psychological reactions are all about the past, but that sadness/grief doesn't leave me alone. It's reeked havoc on me, physically but mentally, I know my mind is experiencing vivid flashbacks.

So to say that I am okay is far from the truth, but I am convinced that I have gained more strength/courage than ever before. Even those around me see a change and they love it. That, in itself makes everything worth the fight.

Psalms 38.