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The flashback plaguing me this morning is from preadolescence. I was running down a suburban street with a handful of dandelion puffs raised in the air, taking joy in the stream of seeds flowing from the stems into the air behind me. An unknown man, sweaty from the labor of creating his perfect carpet, placed himself in front of me and chewed me out for the weed seeds that were flowing from my stream onto his immaculate lawn. He was terrifying. I cannot talk to suburban landscapers without his visage and the terror of his tirade over-taking me.
Hubs just chewed me out over the two strips of hay field I thought we had agreed to nurture into bee food (wildflowers.) I thought. This morning I stand accused of making decisions that rock the status quo of honest men making honest livings. I am depriving the hay farmer of bales he could sell in the future. I am depriving my father-in-law of the agricultural tax exemption which helps him managing the staggering taxes on his vacation home. I think. I admit that I cannot understand much when I am in the throes of a flashback.
Hubs stalked off to quiet his anger. I have been reading my meditation readers and am now here, attempting to enunciate my confusion. Reaching into my psycho tool box to calm my surge of ...
This would be a typical scenario by which my experiments are typically derailed. I am resisting the urge to begin packing up in preparation for the declaration that the great bee experiment is over and I need to get back to my gilded cage. I am very confused. My flight instincts are raging.
Prayers welcome.
Hubs just chewed me out over the two strips of hay field I thought we had agreed to nurture into bee food (wildflowers.) I thought. This morning I stand accused of making decisions that rock the status quo of honest men making honest livings. I am depriving the hay farmer of bales he could sell in the future. I am depriving my father-in-law of the agricultural tax exemption which helps him managing the staggering taxes on his vacation home. I think. I admit that I cannot understand much when I am in the throes of a flashback.
Hubs stalked off to quiet his anger. I have been reading my meditation readers and am now here, attempting to enunciate my confusion. Reaching into my psycho tool box to calm my surge of ...
This would be a typical scenario by which my experiments are typically derailed. I am resisting the urge to begin packing up in preparation for the declaration that the great bee experiment is over and I need to get back to my gilded cage. I am very confused. My flight instincts are raging.
Prayers welcome.
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My day...today...misplaced my debit card...didn't realize it until I got to the register after shopping to a full cart. Used a different debit card and pulled apart everything looking for missing debit card before I left parking lot. Got home, dropped keys. So now I have a missing debit card, missing keys. A full cartload to unload and put away. I got everything put away.Dumped purse for a...
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I don't really know how to label this but I having a rough week and I can't say it's one thing.... I have a lot on my plate which is nothing new and I try to cope in many positive ways and do but I still have my moments.My kids more so my daughters talk to me about everything which I know it's cause of comfort and we are close.... however I really struggle with the venting about their dad which...
1. Gentle sympathetic hugs to you for being the brunt of undeserved rage over dandelion fluff.
2. Maybe write down the reasons you thought Hubby had agreed to this and if they look like good reasons to have believed it--- e.g., he never said NO NO NO, My God, you horrd woman, how could you deny my beloved father his gummint kickback!
3. Ask him---from a safe distance, e.g., over the phone---- if he even heard you telling him about the plan to keep a couple strips of hayfield as wildflowers for bees. (And point out that bee-keeing is classified as a form of agriculture in some places.)
In short---clarify why you believed he was on your side, and then ask him why he is *not*, but do it when you're feeling safer, okay?
And remember, you're here and now, a grown woman, and you have not only your strength, but all our support to help you if you need it...
Leo
Hope it all blows over. Until then, again, prayers your way for sure.
Bee's are so much more important in the great scheme of things especially when it comes to those other "legit" working farmers. With out those little buzzy friends of yours...they would have very little to harvest.
Gentle hugs .
J.
I'm sorry Hubs triggered you.
Do you have access to an air-conditioned vehicle? If so, please to go for a long rambly drive until you feel better?
Marital squabbles are so-o-o-o-o hard. For me, the residuals can be worse than the argument. Gonna leave my psycho tool box scattered around the house until I heal enough to stop feeling the urge to renew my contacts in the Southern Hemisphere. Freeze is typically my first trigger response. Once the freeze breaks I have herstorically been running so fast that I can be on another continent before my mind catches up to my feet. Kinda proud of myself for making it through the dispute without running any further than my psycho-tool box. Yay me!!!
Thank you all for being here.
Gives someone too much power to rip me to pieces.
Vhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vouaj9Vu3ko
Still love it. I fancy that she even looks like me. Well... I was only 10 when Gale looked like that.
Hubs and I have had more than one separation during our 34 years. More than I care to count. I am a gypsy, after all. We have even lived in different hemispheres during those 34 years. Sometimes I think that the only reason we are still married is because neither one of us likes lawyers. Personally, the only clear reason I can see for divorce is if I want to get married again. I can't see that happening. Once is enough for me...
on a side note, I agree with Muji, The vision of you running down the street with dandelion puffs trailing behind you is beautiful and joyful :-)