OOPS!
...my ex's core belief is what his mother told him: he does not matter.

I think he HAD to make that core belief come true and drive me off.
I selected someone who'd confirm the core belief that it's my job to be hurt in order to make people feel better.

I may have other core beliefs, there seems to be above 30 of me/us in here...
Probably what my dad said to me:" You'll never amount to much.". Which is why I have self-sabotaged all my life. I somehow really believe that, even though I remember burning in indignation to hear it when I was in first grade.

I am so sorry. (((Hugs))) reassure your inner child that you will look after her now. That she is safe. That his inner child said those mean things and They are not the truth. Hold your inner child and rocker.

Know we are here for too

Something else...
We try to drive people off in any relationship, usually fairly rapidly, by getting wacky for a bit. It used to be something we did unconsciously...I caught the alter responsible...er...in charge of that?
He says " what good is an asset you haven't tested?"
...But I don't want to invest in someone who will judge us.
We have very few friends IRL, because we have a hard time believing anyone would really like us unless we pay them to like us with sex. Which complicates the fact that we really do want to have sex with a lot of people.

We want love but we believe we're too contaminated with all that slime from all those guys to get the kind of love we really want...

Unless we pay for it by letting them hurt us, I guess. By giving until we're exhausted. By begging and pleading and doing our best.

We wonder if we are going to be single the rest of our lives because we are too damaged to find and receive the love we really want...Our ex is but he won't look at it and work on it. His mind forged manacles are made out of titanium.

We in here can at least work on ourselves. These core beliefs have wrecked our lives, obviously. Not just love...work, school, how we live, who we see ourselves as. Maybe we can make the latter...little less than half...far better?

Intellectually I and the other grownups in here see we deserve it. We're not a terrible bunch of people. Pretty damn flawed, but we TRY to do good things for others.
The kids hate themselves, wish they were dead often, want me to hit the body often. Want daddy back to hit us and make us feel better...O.o

One more thing:
All my exes were emotionally abusive. ALL of them.

I pick emotionally abusive people...because " We are supposed to be hurt/it's our job to be hurt so people can feel better."

(...And this is why my serious relationships of the foreseeable near future are gonna be with electronic items that vibrate. :/. Damn. )

sorry you are struggling i know for me i know many people with all sorts of origin pain and issues struggle with this keep on venting i am sure it helps we are all loveable in my opinion maybe find a group for that outside

For all your challenges, and all your parts, you consistently come off as someone with intelligence, wisdom, perseverance and determination. I think your greatest strength as far as dealing with other people as well as your inner population is your loving nature and your desire to nurture and foster healing. Because of these things, I believe in you.

Your inner children have all kinds of terrible beliefs because of the terrible treatment they received. But you are in a position to keep moving their healing forward. I have one friend on here who works incredibly hard EVERY DAY working with her inner children, as if she was a full-time elementary school teacher! And they are healing. She is healing. You can heal.

I don't mean to minimize your challenges. But those strengths I listed count for a huge amount. I really believe in you. You can heal and reteach those children by locating their beliefs and working with them every day to educate them in the truth.

The study of "Core values" has been and remains a critical part of my own therapy, playing heavily into the exercises of "parenting the inner child." May I work with your example of, "My inner kids revealed that a lot of them think our job is to be hurt?"

There is only one child of varying ages in my personal case, but every age of my childhood carried stiff lessons on that very subject. White Trash Whores are God's chosen public toilets. Even the preachers and teachers agree.

Equally, The adults in my head really do know better. The exercises of "parenting the inner child" are about healing the hurt which let a child's pain grow in to such a warped value. No easy feat helping a child heal a hurt that big. . .

Good topic, blue. Helpful chew. Thank you.

Yes, that is one hell of a negative core belief. Hope healing happens here.

Soft supportive purrs, BD, and excellent insight! Love that about "the adults in your head know better".... Yep. Miy inner adult knows.... But my inner me/kid *feels* and that's not always great.

My core belief is: "My birth caused all the problems in at least two people's lives, ergo my existence is to be one long apology to the world for using the resources better reserved for the more deserving." (And I *wish* I was being snarky, but that really is it. Nothing like a tango with the abyss to bring up those ugly things from the deeps. *sigh*)

More soft support, BD. Much support. Ramble rant and vent away.

My core belief is: "My birth caused all the problems in at least two people's lives, ergo my existence is to be one long apology to the world for using the resources better reserved for the more deserving."

*nodding*
We've got that one too. Back in December...after a trip to a psych emergency room...provoked by the ex's going off on me while suicidal...we really upset Mom by offering to kill ourselves repeatedly. We were sincere.
:(

Mom's supporting us financially right now. That doesn't feel good.

This week we are trying to feel worth that. She obviously thinks that we are worth that.

I am so sorry. (((Hugs))) reassure your inner child that you will look after her now. That she is safe. That his inner child said those mean things and They are not the truth. Hold your inner child and rocker.

Know we are here for too

Hugs blue, complex and strong insight...Much Support to you! More Hugs!

Oh, I'm so sorry, blue. It's a familiar painful story I and others here have lived through, too, in our own ways. The worst part for us all is that we haven't just lived through it once, but with partner after partner.

You're not alone. And nothing is inherently wrong with any of us. It is simply very hard to have a good relationship under the best of circumstances. Even more so with all the noise and confusion we have added into the mix from our traumatic experiences. Then there's the added factor of who we're often trying to have a good relationship. That is, likely, someone like ourselves with their own inner noise and confusion, too.

Please don't feel "less than" because of this. Please don't judge all of your life by difficulty in this one life area. I say that as someone who hasn't figured out how to have a good relationship, either, and so hasn't had one for 6 years. I do the best that I can do, and so do you.

You are a good person who contributes a lot here. I'm glad you came here to get some support, because supporting you is definitely what we all want to do for you now in return, as you can see.