Thank you for your support as I navigate my way through this traumatizing time. I started filling out the medical forms but had to stop because I was feeling so overwhelmed trying to describe everything I have been through in my life. To make matters worse today I received a call out of the blue from my old union wanting help to fight the continuing battle at my old workplace. They asked me if they could use some of the documentation I had. This was a 2 HOUR discussion. I felt my anxiety which is already flared get even worse. My A/C is broken and it's been so hot here and I started sweating and couldn't breath. I had to let them go because I felt panic start to take over. I was afraid I was going to pass out. I sat in front of the portable fan I had on until I was strong enough to get up.  I really want all of this to be over.

I can't get past this trauma because it keeps going on and on. My TDoc doesn't even want to address this current trauma right now because of everything thats happening. My Pdoc keeps upping my meds. Have you ever tried to focus when you are really sedated? I finally fell asleep at 4 AM last night and then came the dreams and I was up at 7:30 AM. It's already after 2 AM and I am putting on A class later this morning that I promised my pain management social worker that I would conduct on zoom for pain management patients of which I am one. I ended up cutting because the urge was so strong because of all the stress and I am so ashamed that I could not resist it. I have been sore all day. I have an appointment with my TDoc two days before this 8 hour medical evaluation. I am almost afraid to talk to my TDoc or Pdoc because they keep suggesting hospitalization. I really don't want to be anywhere near the hospital and especially not in one right now.

I am so tired. I guess I should try to sleep so I can get through the class. Thank you for helping me get through this battle.