The heart goes where it goes, violet. Let it guide you without question. Poets, philosophers, psychobabblers and all the rest of humankind has been trying to capture the logic of the heart since apes began to walk on two legs. Without success and with unending misery as the reward of disregarding it.

And until your heart says you are ready, I strongly suggest keep the makeout sessions public with fire fighting crews nearby. Spontaneous combustion happens...

The heart goes where it goes, but be sure the rest is ready to follow or your issues will multiply. if you are not ready? you are not. tell him the truth. if he is a keeper, he will understand.
and carry ice water.

I don't understand.

OK, let me spell it out a bit more bluntly, with apologies for bluntness.

You are not ready for more physical intimacy.
He is a male between 12 and the age of dead.
Sex is on his mind. Not on yours.
Make that plain.
Ice water is to dump on his erection to make your point if/when words fail. Or on you, if necessary.

Hope that aided understanding. I got a much more involved and rather graphic lecture on this at about 11.

Basically, sex before you're ready for it is an invitation to further emotional pain, no matter your age or situation in life. And I don't mean physically ready. Imean emotionally ready. It's a big big vulnerability, and can trigger trouble for people without any past trauma at all.

im not sure i can answer your questions but they are valid and worth exploring....

you may consider looking up "boundaries" on google and decide if setting some boundaries with your boyfriend would be helpful for you

relationships are learning opportunities....often much goes on internally during a relationship and we do not validate it to our own consciousness....nor do we communicate it to those we care about....

i understand your confusion very well.

I have to agree with Leo, you are not ready and your heart knows that. Don't let yourself get pushed because you might think something is wrong with you. The age difference is quite a bit at your age and he is at a point he wants sex, if he truly cares about you then he will not be pushy and he will wait for you. If he tries to push at you tell him to go take a cold shower, it will cool off his hormones, I do believe that is what Leo was trying to say ;)
Don't ever let yourself take a step forward that might actually be you taking a step backwards if you are not ready and you put yourself in a position like that and let it happen then he will think it is ok for it to continue. In my honest opinion you should tell him that you are not ready, that you want the affection, but the very intimate affection you are not ready for. If he cares he will tone it down and let you be comfortable.

There are times even now that I cant kiss Daniel back because of certain triggers. But we are both grown, and have lived lives, you are still young right now and have a long life ahead of you. I honestly think that you are just not quite ready yet. Chin up, and love sent to you

I've told him how I feel about this before. I'm 18 he's 20. I love him I just don't want the relationship to be so physical. Sometimes I wish I hadn't made the first move and kissed him. I don't regret kissing him but him constantly wanting to kiss, I can't handle that.

You have every right in the world to decide what's comfortable for you, and what isn't. It's HIS job to honor and respect that.

It's not always easy to let go of the wrong person, when they don't follow the above, but it's definitely better to be with somebody who agrees with the above.

You also have the right to make the first move, and then "dial it back."

You have the right to be in charge of you.

Please try to remember that. You're worth it. I promise.

But isn't being in a relationship mean make sacrifices? I want him to like me.

Yes, being in a relationship calls for sacrifice, but that comes MUCH later and even then, compromising your own needs is dangerous. You are still establishing a relationship. Making sacrifices at this early stage will prevent honest growth later.

Give yourself time, violet. Moving too fast invites out-of-control chaos.

I guess I'd say ... yeah ... being in a relationship does involve making compromises and sacrifices.

But NOT on everything.

I have an old saying:

Know your agenda and stick with it, and not everything should be ON your agenda.

Know what I mean ?? Not every single thing should be an agenda item.

But SOME should.

Listen to your heart. What's important to YOU ? I know you want to be liked/loved. Who doesn't ?

But if you're not ready for something physical .... isn't THAT important, too ??

If you feel uncomfortable with the pace of the physical peace .... maybe that's your agenda talking.

I say this with compassion and sincerity: I can't answer this one for you. This is definitely something we each have to answer for ourselves.

But .... what movie to see ... where to go for dinner ... your hairstyle .... how you drive .... those can be pretty minor accommodations to make *for the right person.*

How far to take the physical relationship ... early on .... I don't think should be subject to negotiation.

I don't.

That's just me, but ... if you negotiate that part ... either with him or with yourself ... will you TRULY feel good ... about you ??

Right now, isn't feeling good about YOU (which really does come from within, and NOT from another person) THE most important thing ... right now ??

I hope you find your way through this one....

I push how I feel away and do what I can to make my friends happy. If they're happy then I'm happy. For the most part

Violet you need to get to know you and not push that away or comprimise it. If he can't be okay with that then he needs an reality check. A "good" relations ship has comprimises but not these kinds. Sex with your body is personal to you,. He doesn't sound mature enough for it even at his age the maturity is 5-6 years off. But his hormones are in gear before he can think about the consequences. I know you want to be liked, but you really don't want to be liked as "Easy", that plus your fears is a way to continue to be used.

As for "I push how I feel away and do what I can to make my friends happy. If they're happy then I'm happy. For the most part "
Work on being happy with you, not others for awhile...best done on your own. Then you can worry about others. I am not saying no friends, but sexual affection? that's a different story to any girl your age, it does involve the heart. Let alone one that can easily be swayed/manipulated as you were.

Find your own boundaries and your own path. Then one day you will know when a person's path matches your own.
The compromises are for daily problems in life or challenges, not for you or your body..that's called "date rape", if he pushes beyond your readiness. You really need time to get your therapy in place and find out who you are, before you let someone decide that for you.

BTW 18, Junior? Get your schooling done, priority with the therapy, first. Hard to find a job if you can't compete because of lack of education.