I had my first death and dying class with the nursing students I teach at the community college today. I'm going into my 4th year teaching the subject now, so I'm pretty comfortable with the topic and can usually deliver it with a smile and good cheer.

Today, though, when I got to the point at which I introduced the idea of balancing cure and care, not just curing patients in hospitals, but caring even when there is no cure, I got choked up. I had to stop and bite my lip to keep from having tears come.

I just feel so honored by the memory of patients who died letting me be by their side when I was a hospital chaplain, and so honored by their families.

I knew that, but my students who were looking at me in class today didn't know that. All they could see was this fat old fool in front of them fighting off tears for no good reason. I felt really stupid, and still feel really stupid now. The nursing faculty I work alongside are some pretty tough cookies, and so our nursing students take the tough approach, too. I've been through a lot of tough circumstances and can hang in there with the best of them. But then I go and choke up today and be a softie. Wow, way to set the tone, Muji.

I get pretty good teaching evaluations at the end of each semester, with approval ratings between 88% and 92%, for which I'm grateful. But the 8% to 12% negative ones are about things like that, "he takes it too personally," stuff that's probably true, I guess. Like today.

Feeling kind of foolish right now. Have to teach the class again tomorrow, too.