Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

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mujicaptsd 09/09/2014

I had my first death and dying class with the nursing students I teach at the community college today. I'm going into my 4th year teaching the subject now, so I'm pretty comfortable with the topic and can usually deliver it with a smile and good cheer.

Today, though, when I got to the point at which I introduced the idea of balancing cure and care, not just curing patients in hospitals, but caring even when there is no cure, I got choked up. I had to stop and bite my lip to keep from having tears come.

I just feel so honored by the memory of patients who died letting me be by their side when I was a hospital chaplain, and so honored by their families.

I knew that, but my students who were looking at me in class today didn't know that. All they could see was this fat old fool in front of them fighting off tears for no good reason. I felt really stupid, and still feel really stupid now. The nursing faculty I work alongside are some pretty tough cookies, and so our nursing students take the tough approach, too. I've been through a lot of tough circumstances and can hang in there with the best of them. But then I go and choke up today and be a softie. Wow, way to set the tone, Muji.

I get pretty good teaching evaluations at the end of each semester, with approval ratings between 88% and 92%, for which I'm grateful. But the 8% to 12% negative ones are about things like that, "he takes it too personally," stuff that's probably true, I guess. Like today.

Feeling kind of foolish right now. Have to teach the class again tomorrow, too.

donnawanda 09/09/2014

Oh poop, so what? If the nurses are so tough it's good for them to see someone wear their heart on their sleeve a little. Things you've seen and done and been through are beyond their imagining. Respect yourself, Muji. You are a human being to be proud of and don't forget it!

LoveAlice 09/09/2014

I think it is important to show empathy and compassion. And I think that the nursing students should also have to show that. I often think that nurses are WAY too mean to their patients. I don't think there is anything wrong with actually caring about people enough to feel sad when talking about it.

deleted_user 09/09/2014

I was a nursing student, and am hoping to get into a program here in Jan. From my perspective, yes, a lot of nursing teachers are tough. They encourage us to be tough, I guess to build boundaries. However, for anyone who has experienced the death of a patient, it is hard. It is important for the students to know it is ok to be sad, and ok to process their emotions. If you lose compassion nursing is meaningless. I still tear a little when I think of the first resident in the nursing home that died while I was there, it had a huge impact on me. You shouldn't feel foolish.

LoveAlice 09/09/2014

@lilyrising Whenever I am in the hospital and nurses are treating me like crap it makes me hate all nurses. I feel like nursing teachers shouldn't be encouraging them to be that way.

deleted_user 09/09/2014

@lovealice, I am sorry you have had bad experiences with nurses in hospitals. Nurses should never be mean. What I meant is I think often nurses concentrate on maintaining boundaries and emotional distance from patients so they can function on a daily basis, and to me in nursing school it seemed they were less emotional than I thought they would be. But none of them are mean. In fact, they encouraged us to make our patients feel as comfortable as possible, even including muscle massages and things like that for comfort. Mean is unprofessional and I think it should be reported. I hope you have better experiences next time you are around a nurse. :)

SunCloudJD 09/09/2014

Big hug for you Muji.... Humanity and caring should never feel foolish...x

mujicaptsd 09/09/2014

I was feeling like I broke my professional demeanor too early on day one. That if I was going to let it slip, it should be after they see I'm professional and can be trusted not to be just sentimental. But I appreciate what you're saying, and I am glad to hear you say it could do someone some good.

Thanks for caring to support me in going back to class tomorrow. I really appreciate it.

LeoX3 09/09/2014

muji, please please please, for me, for all good nurses everywhere, for all patients ever....

tell them these two stories after you remark, yes, i choked up yesterday....

because i know of a nurse (one of my inlaws) who became so good at detaching her heart from her work that she did not believe a patient was in pain, and she told him to walk to Xray.... and it turned out he had a broken leg. not merely a fracture, but a break that needed surgery. and her detachment from compassion meant he walked on that leg...and makes fun of ignorance of medical terminology....

and i know another burse... my mom.... who would stay after her shift to sit with someone whose family had let them down, or to wait with someone in grief until friends or fam arrived.... all off the clock, as part of her calling to heal.

Ask them which nurse they want by their loved one. Which they will be. ANd if they are the first? They may want to opt out of active patient care, and go for admin or one of those assembly line walk-in places....

Just sayin....

because i know which nurse i want....

IMHO.... there is no such thing as too much compassion.

yadlim 09/09/2014

I can't tell you how horrible nurses have been to me... I can't exert the emotional energy to remember - I just don't have it in me.

That your students could see that this is a sad subject I think is a good one...

arfie 09/09/2014

You make it sound like the lack of compassion in the medical field is a good thing. For me, it is sound motivation for letting my flight instinct take hold at the scent of antiseptic.

Knowing that a professor with heart is involved in a nursing program is the greatest hope I have had for the medical industry in a long, long time.

Maybe you can use this for a launch platform for a lesson on coping with the pain of caring as opposed to simply growing callouses on your heart?

So, or no, I remain glad you have the courage to have a heart.

CrazyCanuk 09/09/2014

You are not stupid, you are very caring and compassionate. Negative self talk will only make matters worse. There is nothing wrong with showing emotions, you are human after all. I think we are more guarded about emotions then others and when we loss control of them we see if as a failure. You are still a great teacher, you are still capable and you are still knowledgeable. Nothing has changed.

Give yourself a few minutes to explore the situation and feel what you must, then more forward. Everyone has a moment or 2 or 3 or..4 that they wish did not happen.

Breath and give yourself credit for holding it together, care about others and feel proud of yourself.

DeliAnnem 09/10/2014

I think the "too personally" thing is not related to incidents like this... I think those comments are made by narcissists who cannot take criticism. Those are the 10% statistics of teachers dealing with unreasonable people...

That being said, I'm sure YOU noticed it and thought about it a lot more than they did. I'd make it a teachable moment. Put it on THEM. Say that there will be times that personal issues will get in the way of the profession. Have THEM relate to a time when it was difficult to separate out that for them and have them discuss.

We are not robots and it's important to understand the like between being professional and being human. YOU got emotional, but still taught, right? Let them learn they can do the same as nurses.

nelliefay 09/10/2014

No need to feel foolish or 'soft' Muji. It takes great courage to stay sensitive and compassionate in this world. I see your tears as a mark of beauty and strength.

MillaSofia 09/10/2014

You do a rough job, my friend. I have had the honor of helping people cross over. It is amazing and a gift from the Infinite that we can do it, take it, and you, teach it. Be gentle with yourself. You are more human than they are, more aware of your feelings, of love, of caring. I like you just the way you are. Lower marks than you might have gotten? Who cares. It's still much better than "good" or "average," because you are much better than good or average. I stand with you in your shame; I stand with you in your strength. Much caring and many hugs.

mujicaptsd 09/10/2014

Went back and taught death and dying class today with your support. I didn't refer to my coming near tears the day before, just went forward. Routine class.

Then after class a young student came up to me and told me her dad, who is my exact age (56) had just told her he'd been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Then she began to sob standing there facing me with her back to her classmates, tears streaming down her face.

I cleared the room and told the next class of students to wait in the hall and give us a minute. When she had shed her tears and composed herself, we made an appointment for her to come talk during my office hours.

So I guess you all were right. There was some purpose to my being vulnerable so someone else who needed a shoulder could lean on me. I hadn't even imagined that, and then it turned around and happened so quickly from one day to the next.

A while back somebody here posted that poem Desiderata. These 2 days of class reminded me of that part in the poem about how I don't know what God's big picture is. I feel really stupid and like a real old fool, and yet good happens anyway. "And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."

http://www.ask.com/wiki/Desiderata?o=2801&qsrc=999&ad=doubleDown&an=apn&ap=ask.com

Guess so. Thank goodness.

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