From the 1999 breakdown:

Long is the battle of Us against Them.
Us thinks us has won. Once more. Then again.
Them still grows so fat
Us still grows so thin
Us tries once more
And still falls flat
Us cusses. Us moans.
Us is always alone.
Stuck in the mud Them make us suck.
'Till one day Us breaths in a Spirit of Trust
To find there is no Them.
There is only Us.

Warm supportive hugs while you deal with this arfie. I look forward to more humorous insights and honesty from you. You've had a lot to deal with lately so be kind to yourself. Challenge the paranoia by asking yourself how likely is it?

Thank you, looney. It has, indeed, been a challenging phase of family drama.

"How likely is it?" works well for me when I am grounded, but gets to be a challenge when I am caught up in delusions. I am creative enough to make a Martian Invasion look immanent.

I find myself compulsively fact checking today. Did I really write that poem in 1999? Etcetera, etceteri.

Thanks for the support, looney. Are there vertical farms in Australia?

Well, I isolate from "Them" because my trust is gone, and yes the election stuff is twilight zony too. Right is wrong, wrong is right, I give up...my brain wants to rant and that is not a good sign for me... psychosis/breakdowns I have avoided hospitals for some time, even the bus got dicey the other day...."no thank you" 2 nicely, then a firm "No" to someone got me..."you don't have to be snotty" said to me....geez it is called a boundary. Paranoia..I go to my brain games Alot....I pray Alot...find creative tv...I wish I had better answers arfie..and you indeed have alot on your plate, where I am alone with my trusty therapy cat. Support and Prayers to you!

Hugs Arfie you are unique, but aren't we all. I have been in classes learning the different influences that build a personality. All too often I cringe when the outskirts of some of the "abnormal conditions" were so normal for me.
I have to hear the sound of disbelief from my younger classmates that these kool-aid examples may be exaggerated, even thought to be made up for class effect. Hard to believe because they had the benefit of public laws and safeguards in place, that allowed them some semblance of trust. If not in their parents, in the public law system. Take away their cell phone and they cry abuse, as a nephew did recently. I hope for them they never learn my definition.

But in my childhood generation abuse was still behind closed doors and the authorities that exist now, didn't exist then. Children seen (often as much as a piece of furniture) but not heard was the rule and dare you say something, well ...better to hide in plain sight than to be noticed. Absence was just as noticed and punished as defiance, to be paid for.
So not being able to trust the ones that you should be able to trust, was a process not learned. It was easier to believe that ones existence was only to serve another's needs was as true as the sky is blue.

I can't remember when the tide changed to listening to the child or noticing the blank fearful stares, but it was later than I needed it. Though I was overly vigilant for it when my daughter was growing up. I stayed as long as I could in a marriage to stay with her. Not for the economic benefits because they were not mine anyway. I had learned nothing was mine that couldn't be taken in someone else's behavior long ago.

I stayed trying to believe the promises made of getting help for the anger her father felt okay to give me. So that I could be with the daughter who idolized him. While at the same time being a great father to his daughter, better than he had from his parents, better than most I had ever seen. He just couldn't do that as a husband with a wife.
Finally I had to leave with nothing, to live to see her grow up. My solace and strength I think came from so many experiences of starting over with nothing as a child. Nothing was a favorite anything, since all was so temporary all too often. Sleeping in a car was a luxury since I had slept in ditches and on church bathroom floors before. Food could be found in the woods or along the roads as we walked.
Those thought patterns are hard to break. I trust very slowly and friendships that I could consider to be true take a long time to believe. I am always fighting the feeling of being isolated watching from the outside where my control of comfort is easier. John waited and was patient, but I wonder often if he was a fluke, now it seems even more so. But I am coming up on his last days with me in daily remembrances of four years ago.
The lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. I start over again with what I learned in the inbetween's.

I see your poem,
Hugs J.
.

Wow, arfie, your poem took me back to the song "Us and Them" by Pink Floyd on their classic album "Dark Side of the Moon" to find a new layer of meaning in it. I saw Roger Waters in concert last October with Musicorps, that musical group of Iraq veterans with PTSD he works with. So I know Waters is very educated about PTSD and very involved. It looks like, whether consciously or not, he had your thoughts in mind about us and them when he wrote that song, too, way back when.

Not too many psych grad students are ready to comprehend my conditioning in the kiddie whorehouse, not even here in the 21st century. When I first started whistle-blowing in 1964 (10 years old), it mostly made me "fair game" to adult pervs of both genders while getting me stuffed into allot of trash cans on the playground. "We know where to put white trash whores!"

I like to think I was part of the change which helped promote the idea of listening to the children, but. . .

I was just following an old country tune: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpdBhlidicQ

I love your poem!!! ::)))

I haven't read anything rude from you, Sweetheart. I read something passionate! LoL And they were your feelings. I appreciate them. I appreciate you.

Just as Jewells says, You're unique. We all are. And that is why we are so special. No one else can do what we can. We just have to find OUR Superpower.

I crave learning. I come from such a horrific childhood, I had to watch TV to 'see' how parents/families were 'supposed' to act. When I had kids, that set a course for destruction and self-hate that I'm still dealing with. I just couldn't live up to it.

As a child it WAS me against THEM with regards to my family. The abusers abused, the enablers enabled and hid the abusers behavior. Frankly, I don't know why they didn't just take us out in the woods and shoot us. We were so much of an afterthought. Our presence was only recognized when they wanted to abuse. I never had a birthday, a Christmas, went on a vacation, or school field trip. I won't write a book but a lot of adult sexual activity went on around us like we weren't even there. And I hated every one of them for it.

Anyway, this site has kept me from severe depression since the day I found it and I am so thankful for it. I'm not perfect and sometimes I'm an ass. But I'm also one of the kindest people you'll meet. I'm very protective of people, especially one I think is defenseless. I'm also able to take constructive criticism, or even a good telling off. I'll love you anyway! I know what it's like to lose your temper and then regret something.

If I say anything that you disagree with, or hurts or pisses you off, Tell me! I want to know. I want to learn. ~Hugs