Its a long road..I think it takes time ,time for the brain to realise its safe and what that means,
love,Loving yourself,a pet,a flower and lots of gentle understanding and forgiveness

.Your CPTSD may have you react in odd ways in different situations..

For me ,despite my best efforts that can happen in public I remind myself I am healing the best I can

.Forgiveing myself if I acted wierd and drew attention to myself and loving my wounded soul,...

I guess after all that boundaries are your friend..What you will and won,t tolerate...

Welcome to DS

Welcome;.

Quite a few of us have CPTSD. Honestly, healing is an ongoing process for me, and I do the best I csn. I can't do more, can I? What my "best" is changes over time. I'm much happier deciding that it's okay to feel stressed out/frazzled/triggered ----- so give yourself that permission. Weirdly, it makes it easier for me, at least, to remember my calming exercises, etc.

Just... remember that who you were isn't who you *are*. It's just part of you. One part. Not all of you.

hello again, rcl. it is good to see you are finding your way around.

i deal with my cptsd one symptom at a time when i can. one episode at a time when i can't remediate the early symptoms and they escalate into a full scale episode. leaning heavily on my therapy support network --of which ds is one of my more active nodes-- in sorting the phases and stages of my recovery. getting past the isolation is a major part of my own on-going recovery. it helps mightily to know i am not alone. it takes a village to live a healthy life.

but that is me and every case is unique.

steadying support while you find what works for you. be gentle with yourself and patient with the process. healing happens. hope it happens to you.

thank you grassisgreen. i definitely relate to acting in odd ways sometimes. but it’s not my fault. i didn’t deserve to be treated the way i did where i was forced to respond in a way that i was constantly on edge. i didn’t deserve to have my emotions and thoughts so severely manipulated that i felt like i couldn’t trust anybody. yes boundaries are very important but they don’t fix everything. i just want to feel safe and secure again.

Be aware of what provokes and causes PTSD trigger(s), and remove yourself from the triggering environment, and remove yourself from anyone and anything that is polluting your peace of mind...

Sometimes a denial of any type of reality can provoke PTSD, make sure you have a good therapist/couselor. The coping personal skills will be as a survival second nature and should be seen as normal in your daily life. Be confident you will overcome and share those triggers with gratitude for some good and willing days.

thank you leo. your words really mean a lot. i feel that letting myself be stressed & triggered sometimes is the best way to process and heal from the trauma as well. it’s almost as if i am letting myself reexperience something in order to help myself understand that my current thoughts and feelings aren’t something to be afraid of.

hello arfie. thank you. it’s been really hard to feel connected and supported. i appreciate the kind words.

hi confessions, i appreciate everything. i have a new counselor that i start seeing friday. i really hope to overcome all the triggers i can get through. i definitely have a lot of denial of my reality. it is probably fueling the ptsd. i’m in even in denial of the fact that i have some of these triggers and obstacles in the first place when in reality i should be in acceptance that they are my normal.

Welcome to the group rcl. Like you I have been through situations where it has felt hard to trust others. No one should have to feel that way in their normal everyday life. I have found that it took time for me to meet the right people and I am currently still trying to heal from trust that was broken in my past. It is going to take healing friendships and relationships that are kind, and understanding. I am still trying to find those people out there. My environment has been filled with people who did not have my best interest at heart. Therefore it will take time..

As for self doubt, it sounds like you have a horrible inner critic. Much of my inner critic I have found to come from people whom I thought I could respect, people from leadership positions but also my family. I have found that really working on identifying the positive qualities I have and focus on them. For instance, many people in my life doubted me when I was being stalked by my ex boyfriend. I often wake up telling myself, I know what I observed, I know what I heard. Alot of self doubt comes from a history of people doubting you, your abilities, and who you are. It is tough to get out of. Try to remind yourself of your best qualities. For me, I had to get professional help through EMDR to help build new neural networks/connections in my brain for me to start thinking in a positive way. Sometimes I still fall short.

In terms of feeling like you have no support or love, that is a dark place to be in. It hurts. For me coming home from work and hearing my cat meow to greet me at the door was the thing separating me from that darkness it brought love into my heart. It is something I look forward to everyday. So whether it is finding a cat, reaching out on ds, having a friend remind you of your good qualities. It can truly help. I am glad you have joined DS and it seems you have got a lot of support with the members here. We're here for you.

hi pineapplesun, i totally understand the part where you said you were doubted when you told people you were being stalked by your ex boyfriend. i went through an extremely similar thing with family members. i’m so tired of being unheard and not believed. i experienced narcissistic abuse with my own mother and my entire family it felt like was against me. no one at all could see who i truly was. i am still having a hard time bringing my true self to the light after the wringing of my soul that occurred due to the manipulation. literally all of my friends took advantage of where i was mentally and continued to do the same thing and disbelieve and damage me. thank you for letting me in on your story. it must be so nice to have a cat. i’ve never had a pet but i was considering one, except i can’t get one now because pets aren’t allowed on campus here at college.

Ugh, I hate those anti pet rules at college.

Your story sounds similar in that people took advantage of you when you were down. I've had the same thing happen. It feels insulting. It's also putting more damage in what you already have.

Yup, rclbeauty1010, I too have CPTSD. Sorry you have it, but you came to the right place, Glad you're here.

hi pineapple, yeah exactly. it’s been so long since i’ve been able to speak with people who want to lift me up instead of push me down.

hello muji, thank you for ur response. i appreciate the welcome.

You betcha. It's great to have you with us, rclbeauty1010.