atec, I don't think you're being overly sensitive. It's about boundaries, is it not? When I came home early from a face to face

support group meeting to discover my marriage was over, I asked my wife to go to her sister's home that night. I gave her half of

our savings the next day before we even began divorce & property proceedings. That way she could get her place and I could

have mine so I could process with some space and without further incidents.

That she took her new beau, a co-worker of mine, later on to her mom's funeral and didn't even tell me about it did hurt me. It

was meant to hurt. Using her mom's funeral like that was designed for me to find out in public the hard way that he was more

than an affair now. But by then, because I'd been so quick to get her out of the house by giving her the money for her get her

place, we didn't live together, at least.

So I think overlap like this is painful and was, for me, to be avoided with boundaries, by putting distance between ourselves when uncoupling. That's just me speaking for myself from that experience of mine. Others may differ.

I have never been married or even in a serious relationship but my heart really hurts for you. I am so sorry you are going through this.

I wouldn't wait until January honestly. She has already broken the covenant of marriage so why stick to a ridiculous promise? Tell her to pack her crap and hit the road!

I'm really confused about the whole situation. I don't want to break my promise. I know her actions would justify me breaking my word, but where do I draw the line? I mean I'm only as good and trustworthy as my words and actions. Should I let her actions change me to be the person that doesn't do what he says he will do?

Three choices:

1) Live with it, it's only 3 months more. (I'm divorced...I'm not blowing off how difficult this is.)
2) Sit her down and talk. Instead of saying "I'm filing in Jan", say the marriage is Lasting until Jan. If you break vows before that...it's over sooner. The point is to clarify what you said.

3) File now. She's broken the marriage contract/ covenant...however you want to put it.

I'm for option 3. There's no telling the damage that she can do in 3 months. Putting it off was "kind" of you....maybe. But it opens you up to major damage. Far better for your long term relationship to make a clean break. But if you go for 1 or 2...make sure that you use protection if you're still having sex.

Arrggg

KICK HER DRUGGIE SELF OUT!

Divorce is hell no matter how you put it. But...better to rip off the bandage quickly, then a little bit at a time.

I say this although I HATED my ex for ripping off the bandage, but I've seen it done otherwise and it's just prolonging the pain. Many years later, my ex and I can talk. Even friends of a sort. When he came back from California he stayed here a couple of weeks...and it was even sort of nice. We played games with the kids together, ate together, etc. Not like a couple, more like cousins. He's off at his own house now, and it's nice to have my house back.

The damage in the divorce was minimal. He said some bad things I'll never forget. I said a few bad things too. The more time in limbo...the more of those things pile up, and the harder it is to just push them aside, as she's in your life through your son...for the rest of your life.

Anyway, JUST my 2 cents. EVERY divorce is different. My way was just my way. You'll find your own, make your own mistakes, and find your own strengths. Don't discount whatever you choose. It's not a race, not a comparison.

My biggest mistake? I sort of put on hold loving my kids for those 7 months. Those are months I can't get back. My kids are fine...it's my loss not theirs. I also quit taking pictures (at the time it was so painful). I'm fine without the pictures...but I wish I had them now. There's more... but this is your post, not mine. Point is...no one does it perfect, close to perfect. One day will come at a time, and you'll eventually find yourself through...

Hugs, Patti

I think we are having the same issues with divorcing that we did with being married a total lack of communicating with each other. We don't really listen to each other and misinterpret each other's meanings.

When to file paperwork (divorce) and when to set personal boundaries are two different subjects, entirely.

Stick to your boundaries, Atec. Better to be over-sensitive than stepped on.

Continued support while you ride out the storm.

So I was an idiot and had lent her the car prior to finding the Craigslist info on the computer. She took my bank card somehow and was able to get $140 dollars from my account. Now I'm not able to pay my rent and I'm completely f'd

First of all, wow, what nerve and i cannot believe she put you in this situation. There is a fine line in being an upstanding guy and enabling her. I think if you let her stay it is only enabling her. At some point she needs to look herself in the mirror and face herself. You made the promise but it is not your fault this promise is falling apart. A paper bag can promise to be strong but i am sorry, its not waterproof. She is no longer being dishonest, she is lying and cheating to top it off stealing from you. Get her out of there now. You made that promise because you are a good person, know you are a good enough person to be good to yourself. You deserve way better than this. No one deserves to be stepped on, used or treated like they do not exist. That is exactly what she is doing.

On the rent part, can your landlord possibly understand or maybe an advance from work given the situation, maybe even a payday loan?

Atec, please, understand that I say this out of concern for you and your child. Do not let that woman near you or your bank or car or possibly your town, okay? She's already left you. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but it reads like she is usin gyou as an ATM, and is going to self-destruct, and if you want to be safe, you have to get away from Ground Zero---her. I hate to be such a byotch, I do, but you have to save yourself. She's nto a mom, or a wife, or a friend, to you right now. Or possibly ever again. Grieve for that, we're here for you as much as we can be, but please, cut her off, cut her out. You *know* what mothers like her do to kids, right? Well, last I checked, y'all have a kid. Screw *her* and save *you two*.
My mom didn't. She made vows. She kept them. but we kids? Oh, we paid. Or, with my dad, went hungry, without heat in winter, etc., soooo.... My perspective? You're expecting her to be someone she isn't. Communicate clearly, please, tht she's *gone* and *done*. You can't use legal-ese. You can't use kindness. You have to put up a big neon sign that says Stay Out. OK? Save you, save your kid, grieve for the loss (b/c divorce is a loss) and file now. Then get your money into an account she can't touch, and make it clear that if she's poening herself up to disease, etc., worse, from "encounters", and you will not expose yoruself andyour son to that, okay?
Be good to *you*. Promise kindness to *you*. Please.

I agree with Leo on this. I haven't commented on any of your threads, but I've read them. It looks to me like no one but an abused child (you) could hold out hope or expect anything but disaster from that woman. I see no signs that anything holds her back from her swift ride to destruction. I am very sorry for her but the most important thing is that you save the only two people you can save. You owe it to yourself and above all to the innocent, helpless child you brought into this world. It's your duty to put him first and keep him safe.

Atec, I am sorry, but she has done this to you and your son before, I can not say it any better than what Leo, DW just said, please Cut her off Now! Last time she had a guy in the car, along with your son, nothing has changed for her, A promise goes both ways and she has broken trust so often, Please put you and your precious child First, we are here with Support!!