im sorry you are so depressed hun. self care is extremely hard when we are feeling so terrible but you do deserve to feel good.

numb can be a healthy thing but when it takes over and we cannot get back to feeling good is when we need to work harder somehow to get through the emotions. its normal for us to withdraw from people but i think its a good idea to be around them if you can. i make a daily routine and stick to it as much as possible trying to take them in small steps or breaking them down into little ones.

i do think one of the most important things is socialization. hugs hun, keep talking to us

Seems to match feelings I have felt. Feeling them today, as a matter of fact.

What I am doing is to force a bit of self-care on myself. Just a gentle bit. No shocks to the system. A candle light bath? A stitch or two in that favorite blouse I couldn't bear to throw away? An artistic doodle on the edge of the phone book? A self-assurance that I am worth the effort? A gentle reminder that I am worth the effort? A Nina Simone song?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6odkM5o038A

I can relate to this so much, BD. I became very aware not too long ago that my lack of self care, in every facet, was related to how I feel about myself. I'm trying to do things for myself, to simply take care of myself, but as in everything else - baby steps.

Feelings have rarely been safe for me as well, and it's all or nothing. It's still all or nothing and I don't even understand how people can be different than that, but I'm told it will come with healing.

I'm not sure I can tell you what you can do, bc I don't know what to do when I feel like this either, but I hope that knowing you're not alone will be the tiniest bit helpful. ((hugs))

blue, I had to journal myself out of waking up feel bad about myself concerning that exact topic today, too. Being here on vacation I've seen old high school friends with successful marriages (at least as seen from the outside) who make more money. As happens at class reunions, for example, the Comparison Olympics began, with me always the loser. You summed it up: "Self-care is hard because on some level, I don't think I deserve to feel good."

Fortunately, taking an inventory in my journal got me out of being down on myself and I was able to respect myself by the time I was done. People other than those here at DS PTSD can't imagine what we've gone through to get where we are. But I know what an issue it can be to feel unworthy. Hope you can get out of it, too, because I'm so grateful you brought the topic up. You're a good person who deserves all good things, my friend.

Hey Blue, the old me before I set fire to my cheerleading outfit would be dishing out all of the answers to a happy and wonderful life. Now that I am back on Planet Reality, I know exactly how you feel more than you would ever know. If I had a nickel for every time I thought I had this thing done and over with, I would be pretty wealthy.

Then for no rhyme, reason, or warning, I feel like I get blind-sided by an 18-wheeler. I would love to hear why the eff that happens, but it just does. It happened to me about 4 days ago for the umpteenth time and I am just now scraping myself off of the pavement and picking up the pieces again.

There was a thread on here about finding your inner-child earlier. I don't have to worry about that, I was never a child. Saves me a lot of time looking for it. For me, living is something that other people do, not me. I don't deserve to live and feel joy and all of that happy jazz. I hope to get there with a lot of gut-wrenching work, but I am far from it for now.

I know this is far from my formerly fake cheerleading self, but it's all I got. You got honesty. Just know that you are not alone, ok.