This morning's meditation found me visualizing a nasty, detritus covered knot on my brother-in-law's grief thread. The knot has grown two labels. "Family Savior" and "Caretaker." Within my large (11 siblings) and highly dysfunctional birth clan, I was cast as the savior. I was smart one. Smart enough to save the clan from itself. Enter Spiffy Spandex and Snappy Super cape.

Care taking is not natural to me. Seems it mostly gives me time to design new family savior costumes which will need to be tested ASAP. Still, as Mom, Grandmother and Wife... Families need a caretaker on occasion. Methinks my beloved's life-threatening condition is one of those times and I am what is available for the job.

"Courage to Change" has been on a winning streak for me during this particular series of events. I keep a small, revolving collection of daily meditation readers so that I can keep my meditation stew well-stirred. Today brought me another winner from "Courage to Change." Again, softly edited to fit my circumstance of the day.

"Many of us enter therapy confused. We are so focused on our dysfunctional loved ones that we may not be able to see where they leave off and we begin. We've lost our sense of what is appropriate. How can we distinguish between acceptable and unacceptable behavior when we don't even know what we want or need?

"My daily inventory helps me discover who I am, what my values are, the behavior I'd like to keep and the things I'd like to change. With this in mind, I am working to establish new behavior that reflects my integrity and expresses my true values. Where in the past I have allowed unacceptable behavior, I can now choose a different response. I must consistently do what I say I am going to do. Today I have the courage and faith to be true to myself, whether or not others like or agree with me. I must remember that announcing my new ways to others is not nearly as important as knowing what my own limits are and acting accordingly.

"Today's Reminder
I will remember that knowing my boundaries does not mean forcing others to change; it means that I know my own limits and take care of myself by respecting them. The focus, today, is on me.

"He that respects himself is safe from others: he wears a coat of mail that none can pierce." ~~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow "

Thanks for letting me share. Methinks that typing it out here strengthens the meditative thread in my head... I have a challenging day ahead of me. Prayers -by whatever name- appreciated.