I do not think it is possible to hide these things from the people you live with. In my experience with taking people in, trying to hide mental health challenges typically results in miscommunication and hard feelings. It makes constructive compassion nearly impossible. It is all to easy to leave people feel harshly judged for the crime of trying to help.

They cannot be your therapist any more than they can change who and what they are, but some broad-stroke honesty might help get everybody singing from the same sheet of music.

Hugs Kat. Hope you find what works for you.

Sleep is the most important thing you can do for yourself. Either, go to a doctor and get a sleeping pill prescribed or figure out an otc one to help you. My suggestion is meletonin. It is a natural aid and if works wonders for me. Find a way to sleep. Then, some of the stress and depression will get lower. I don't know, but it might be a good idea to have a meeting with all the members of the house to talk about what is going on with you. No one can change what bothers you if they don't know it bothers you. Truth and honesty are always a good idea. And of course therapy. Talking to an expert might be helpful. I do hope some of this is helpful for you.

I want to second what arfie said from her experience, as it's my experience, too: "trying to hide mental health challenges typically results in miscommunication and hard feelings." With all the best intentions of the world to "spare" people from things going on inside me, trying to hide them made them worse. When there are gaps in out behavior, those around us try to fill in the blanks to understand. Having nothing to go on from us, sometimes they fill in the blanks by imagining things that are astonishing to the point of being almost comical, if it weren't that they led to misunderstandings that caused pain. That's how my experience seems to parallel what arfie says here. Hope that helps.

Sharing, like others have said, may sometimes be necessary to give those around us a sense of context.

For myself I've discovered that sharing doesn't have to be very extensive, or go into much detail for people to get the picture, It's like a weather report.

When I had an adult son wanting to understand I thought he wanted to KNOW what I was experiencing, but no, very TMI (too much information) and made him super anxious about me. Now I just give him weather reports.

I hope you find sweet sleep soon, and can start to regain the perspective which helps you feel centered.

To be quite honest, I do appreciate the sincerity that comes from being a member here. I agree to an extent to your words. But I have a contradiction:

Being honest with my family and those around me has never really made me feel free from my own conscious. Home was and has not been a home ever since I ever spoke up for myself and was honest about things that others found so profound or serious. Its funny when I write this because even then on thanksgiving, my mom was repeating how I've changed and how I have become a hateful person. Do you see where I am going with this?

I've been honest all my life(99% of the time) and yet, it has not gotten me anywhere with my own family. Everything I've done, in some shape or form, has brought shame or some kind of disgust/embarrassment on the family name.

I totally agree with not trying to hide things because it because one's worse for the person and the others feel guilty for trying to help. My problem is not that I want them to feel guilty for me, but I want them to know that I just can't be the same person anymore, not after facing almost-death in my own home, my own room. Truth is: ignorance is bliss. They still want ME to change and be happy or act like it, meanwhile every bone in my body and synapse in my head tells me to shut down or get angry or just pure disassociaton. I am tired of fighting battles I keep losing because I am not getting anywhere or I just keep falling into other ones, recognizing afterwards my mistakes. It's like, Who the freak am I? I don't know who she is anymore- my own image reflects a weight in my soul.

Btw, some only very few really know what's going on in my life. I feel like I am writing to justify my own feelings. I may have become somebody who is different, but I rather be different than act like if normal even exists in my world.

It sounds like you're going through a major change, growing, in a way that's different from those around you, your family. Sounds familiar. If so, this week dbpalm posted elsewhere on our site a great article on how to survive that kind of change. It helped me. Who knows? It may help you, too. It's called Finding Your Soulpod By JEFF BROWN Dec. 22 2010 Article dbpalm of daily strength ptsd recommended:

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/jeff-brown-delivers-weekly-inspiration-friendship/story?id=12460007&page=2#.ULDcQmd0q9s

If that's relevant, it would be great to learn now. If not, take it with a grain of salt and chalk it up to good intentions. In any case, the thoughts of many are with you. Be well!