Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
Lee looked at me as I took off my coat and then slapped me in the face and asked me who the hall cut my hair. I tell him my mom cut it for me because it was getting hard for me to take care of and its still way past my shoulders. He started yelling at me about how I am suppose to ask him permission before I do ANYTHING! He told me he owns me and how I WILL obey him or else. I told him to go to hell and tried to walk away. He grabbed me roughly by the arm and his eyes were wild looking. He holds me with one arm and tries to get his belt off with the other and I get away. I ran to the bedroom and he followed me. The bed was against the wall and I cowered against the wall on the bed trying to get away and Lee starts hitting me over and over with the belt. I cowered covering my head as he hit me over and over again then he stopped, put his belt back on and went outside for a walk to calm down like always after hurting me. I stayed on the bed sobbing. I remember how bad of bruises I had especially on my legs after this. This is when he was trying to get a gun.
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Today (August 8) is INternational Cat Day. Don't click away! International DOG day is August 26! Both were created to raise aweareness and funds for the well-being of critters. We have many such dayts, to the pint that every day is like an old Catholic saints' day calendar: Take your pick!I'm home, obvs, and still ill. Left calf and foot not great after a tangle-fall, but i'll live. Just can't...
Hope healing happens here.
So sorry you went through that particular sort of abuse, AngelaJo, because I went through it weekly in my childhood home growing up. I was beaten with a belt like that, too, with my hands raised up to try to shield my face from the blows. It's an awful assault to endure, whether adult or child.
As for your mention of a gun, that resonated with me, too. In my case my abuser, my father, actually got a shotgun when I was in high school. He put bars on the windows of my bedroom, beat me there, and then put the shotgun in there, too. I feared he had a death wish he wanted me to fulfill, so that's when I left home at 17 4 months shy of my final high school exams.
It was scary to leave home like that because we were on the mission field where I grew up in deep southern South America by Argentina. I had to move 6,000 miles away as a kid to Missouri, where I'd never lived. The USA was my passport country, but not a country I really new. There was deep culture shock for me along with fear at being a minor all alone so far from any family at all. I don't know how I made it through those nights of PTSD anxiety all alone so young and so far from anybody I knew. I guess a Higher Power was looking after me.
Maybe there was one looking after you, too.
Mujicaptsd my therapist told me, knowing my belief in God, in her words, "I think God knew it was your life or your husbands and so he chose you and let your husband get in an accident and later die, if your husband had gotten a gun i have no doubt in my mind you would not be here today." I highly believe she is right on what she said and thank God everyday that i get another chance to get this right.
Aspie thank you
StrengthofMind i went thru abuse for 33 years i am 34 and right before turning 34 i decided noone was going to abuse me again i wont allow it. Not even verbally. I will walk away. Now to heal from it all! Noone knew i was being abused as a kid or they ignored the signs.
When I was 6 years old, my mother took a butcher knife to my 3 year old sister. I was standing next to my little sister, and just as the knife was coming down onto her I stepped in front of my sister and pushed us both barely out of reach. The knife came down into the mattress instead, about one inch away from me. I could hear the "swoosh" of the blade beside my ear and can still hear it today, at 71 years old as I write this.
Instead of apologizing in shock over her own evil behavior, my mother went about our room knifing our beautiful stuffed animals into shreds. My sis was just three and had accidentally broken a little vase that belonged to my mother.
After everything, my mother made me promise not to tell anyone of what had happened. At that moment I knew my sister and I were in grave danger, and that we had to stay as far away from the mother as we possible could.
Then, after that was done, she put us down for naps. When she came into the room later to check on us, I was awake and she began trying to explain her actions to me, but I cut her off and pushed her away, and told her firmly that what she had done was "very very bad" because I didn't have the language yet to tell her she was evil, and what she had done was an attempt to ruin our lives.
I remember feeling very good that I told mother in no uncertain terms that was I saw was bad. She didn't a word, and left the room silently. From that moment on, I released all emotional attachment I had to the mother, and stayed that way the rest of my life.