I really don't think that you should go.

You said you will feel low if you stay and low if you go, at least if you stay, you have the opportunity to feel better sonner.

Going there would just make you feel worse and then make it harder to get better down the line.

Typical abuser behavior! Turn it around to make it our fault! If you take the time to think about all the ways they twist reality in any given day, they are really a piece of work! One day I finally got up the nerve to mention to him that I was tired of him putting everything into the laundry inside out. A few seconds passed, and he violently exploded (as usual) with"HOW LAZY CAN YOU GET? YOU CAN'T EVEN BE BOTHERED TO FIX THEM"/
I rest my case, they are a piece of work.

Please please please stop and consider what is best for you. You're already stressed and anxious. How much worse will the stress and anxiety be once you get there and he acts like this?

He couldn't even be bothered to read your heartfelt email but he wants you to consider HIS feelings. Do you see the hypocrisy in that? The lack of caring? You needed to tell him something and instead of listening, he took over the dialogue between you and made it all about HIM! How egotistical!

You deserve so much more, sweetie. You deserve to be treated with respect, to have your feelings heard and validated, to be with a partner who will listen and try to work things out. (instead of getting defensive because he feels you're attacking him/adding to his stress)

Please at least put off the move. Maybe even give him an ultimatum. Tell him that if he can't communicate with you and work things out before you get there, then you're not coming.

I can't tell you what to do but he is not respecting you or taking your feelings into account and you deserve so much more than that, sweetie.

*hugs*

don't go...he won't change...you don't need him.... why does he treat you this way its because you let him, he wouldn't treat his mates this way cause they wouldn't put up with it..... DON'T GO.... you deserve a happy life and life won't be happy with him.

if u do this, u realize that he's only isolating u from the place u kno. this will only make it easier for him to hurt u more. i agree with reconsidering. if he wants to be with u, why do u have to move?

Stayclear of this selfish excuse,stay where you are!!if hes like this re an email what monster is he in your company !!its all about him and NEVER you sweetheart i just left a guy after 22 years as he wont stop using drugs but at the moment im getting thetreatment for hepc and i know its my fault but this tosspot is jealous as im ill and told me he had to have his leg amputated to get sympathy !!!please dont be like me SARA

So we talked again last night and I wanted to have a decent talk. Somehow of course, we ended up getting into a fight. He tried calling me the other day and I didn't answer my mobile phone.(for once) I just needed to go for a drive by myself/get out of the house to think about things without disturbance. I felt like I was going crazy and had to get out for a bit alone. Then he later tells me that my story sounds so un believeable and he doesn't believe that I was really driving in my car. I'm so hurt once again. He has no clue how I feel. The stress/anxiety is affecting my body now. After fighting for awhile he later calls and plays the nice guy act. He's telling me how things will be better when I'm there, blah blah blah. Telling me what I'd like to hear. But of course I'm kinda falling for it again. I even feel embarassed to say that on here, that I'm falling for his **** once again. I think it's like I want him to listen to me so badly that when he actually is nice, I suck it up like a sponge. I told him that I have a book I'd like him to read on emotional abuse and he agreed to read it. I'll be surprised if that really happens. I wish I could just stop this cycle. I feel I'm addicted to him and can't quit, even though I know he's toxic. So that's my update. Thank you once again everyone for your support. I'm frustrated with myself for being so confused and still not knowing what I'm going to do. Thanks for being so patient and understanding with me in the meantime.

Angel, instead of being frustrated with yourself, tell yourself what you would tell any of us if we had posted your story. I'm guessing you wouldn't want any of us to be frustrated with ourselves. But instead, you would tell us being confused is normal and that it's imperative that we listen to what our gut is trying to tell us. That's probably where the confusion is coming from. Your head wants to believe him and wants things to work out with him, but your gut is screaming at you..."Be Careful. Don't do it.."

You really do deserve to be treated with love and respect and he isn't doing that. It's ok to not know what you are going to do. Please just listen to your gut and not him. Your gut will always tell you the truth.

Hugs!!!

Please, listen to your body and stay where it is SAFE.

I'm leaving in 2 days. I keep telling myself that if it goes awlful (or should I say doesn't get better) I can always leave. I have money stashed away for a ticket home if I have to. Yet even knowing that, I don't feel much better. I wish I could listen to the good advice I've got from everyone on here but something is still pulling me towards him. Why can't I listen? I feel so alone in my head. It's constantly the same thing again and again. I feel like I'm going crazy. I used to be so grounded and strong but everything seems so hard now. I don't know who I am anymore. I feel like I'm going crazy. How can I work on myself again and start to feel better?

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry. Unfortunately, the only way you can work on yourself is without him. What he has done to you is make you feel crazy, when you really are not. He has got you so off balance that you aren't listening to your body. Your body will NEVER EVER steer you wrong. It's going to be much harder to get away from him in a foreign country where you have no friends, no support and no legal rights. And you will not have any resources to help you work on yourself. Please, just delay the trip for 6 months. That will give him time to PROVE by his actions that he has changed and it will give you time to work on yourself without his interference. Hugs!!!!

Hugs to you- I hope you find the strength in the next 48 hours to stay home and NOT go, at least not yet. It is so hard when you are in a foreign country to find friends and support. Prayers and hugs.

Angel 2 words...Don't go!

I think you should listen to your intuition. It is talking to you. My abusive ex wanted to be looked after too, that was his main priority, that he be number 1 at all times. It didnt work, and the marriage was hell. I left a month ago after staying for 5 years with my two teens. I wish I had of listened to my intuition at the beginning when I saw he was an alcoholic. Dont ignore the signs you see. They could save you from a long time of going around in circles and maybe being hurt in the prosess. Good luck in your decision....it is hard to make and we know that. Remember many of us have been there too. ((hugs))

Where are you going? If it's South Korea, we should hang.