I just wanted you to know someone has read this and I am praying things work out in a positive way. Stay calm and think before you do anything else. Hugs

Thank you Sandy. The thing that frustrates me is If it was my youth minister who called he/whoever really called lied to me. My YM told me he/whoever called wouldn't tell my parents. He/she went behind my back without asking me if he/she could tell my parents. I cried for an hour straight yesterday.

Sometimes adults think they are acting in your best interest. You are 18 and as you legally are of age your YM should have kept things in confidence with you. If you spoke to a doctor, lawyer, therapist or even a priest, anything you say would be be confidential.

Sometimes we make decisions and things don't turn out as we had hoped. We have to take a different course of action. Learn something from this and move forward. People with good intent can give advice but it is up to you to decide what is the best way to handle things. Stay calm and stay focused.

Don't let anyone hurt you or discount your feelings.The door is open and you will have to decide how to get through it.

You say you "found out" that you are "on the borderline of asburghers disease". Firstly, aspergers isn't a disease, it's a syndrome and so what if you are (I have several friends who are aspergers). Secondly, you "found out' how - because he told you? Told you what, and what are his qualifications to diagnose and if another diagnosed you and he kept that fact from you, what treatment has he given/proposed?

The aspergers seems like just another lie to manipulate you into feeling everything is in your head/your fault. And if it's not and he had a qualified diagnosis some time ago, you should have been aware of it and of the treatments you were receiving to lessen its impact on your everyday life.

As for your YM ... I wish I knew what to say, but yes, you've been betrayed by someone in the church. Are you able/willing to call them to find out? (If you're not willing, I don't blame you, but if you can it might be helpful for you to know where the problem lay - or else just avoid them altogether).

I'm sorry you were let down and betrayed again.

Hon -----

Sadly, many of us here
are anything but surprised
at this development and
are intensely sorry that
things have gone down
this road.

About the Aspergers question. . . . .

Did you "find out" you have
Aspergers through that calm,
quiet talk with your father yesterday
or after a battery of consultations
with one or more clinical
professionals? If it's the
first and not the second,
then it's not a diagnosis.
Even if it were the second,
a diagnosis after a battery
of clinical consultations,
STILL might not be accurate.


So, now you're under
increased surveillance.
I'm so sorry for all you've
been through.

I hope -- now -- you'll consider
reaching out to the counselors
at school. It's true that the first
thing you tried hasn't worked.
Most of us here had a greater
degree of confidence in the
probability that the counselors
at school have more training
and more experience in taking
actions that would end up
supporting and actually
helping you. And we hope
that, since you're still in
school, you'll try that route
at this point, since the first
attempt has not been effective.

Just curious. . . . what's your
boyfriend furious about?

Please take good care
of yourself.

Sending you hugs
and healing prayers.

p.s. -----

This:

He told me I wasn't being abused. I was fishing for attention from others. I overreacted and made stuff up.

This is a typical set of
defensive cover-up responses
used by abusers trying to
prevent the possibly-waking-
up-to-the-abuse target to
return to a state of believing
that the abuse is normal
and that the only problem
is that the target of the abuse
won't just shut up and take it.

The asbhurgers was diagnosed by my doctor. It's in my doctor report apparently. NotMyself1- I'm sorry for everything. And to everyone else I'm sorry. About telling you all this.

V
I was wondering why I barely heard from you in the last few days. Did your parents see your phone records of us txting? I am so very sorry.

Do not let them know of this site. When you're on it, remember to close out all windows and delete your history.

It's very typical for abusers to:

1. minimize your feelings - your dad did this by trying to convince you that you are fishing for attention.
2. Isolate you from ppl trying to help you and who will help you see the truth about your parents - he did this by telling you to cut off contact w me.

I agree with the others about the Asburgers "diagnosis". It's all crap if it came from your father - all of a sudden - out if the blue - coincidentally right after he was "bothered by" the contact of the YM.

I am here for you. And always will be. We will correspond via these messages so your family can't trace them.

We understand you were nervous and scared to reach out. And the YM was not the best option bc he has no legal binding rules for confidentiality. So, with his lack of knowledge on the dynamics of abuse, perhaps he felt he was doing what HE thought was best. Turns out, it wasn't in your best interests.

Please reach out to someone who WILL keep this confidential.

Ilene - are school counselors obliged to keep info they hear confidential?

V - we're here for you. And I'm not going anywhere. Reach out to me here if you want. sending strength and hugs. xo

You have nothing to be sorry about! Your family is manipulating you :(
Twisting things to MAKE you THINK you are wrong, and that you are at fault. IT'S NOT TRUE! IT'S ABUSE!

Please don't walk away at this point. You need to keep moving forward. This was a setback. Pick yourself up, and keep moving forward. You can do this. You are not alone.

xoxo

not ----

The answer to that
can vary, so it's hard
for me to give a
definitive answer.

There may be different
regulations in different
states and I'm just not
an expert on what the
case is where v.w.
lives.

Overall, I felt in the beginning
and I stand by my first position,
that almost any counselor in an
educational setting has likely
had more clinical background
in what to do when a child
comes in with issues like these,
than the people in a faith setting,
no matter how well intended
those people may be.

And when was this diagnosed by your dr? And why are you just hearing about it now? Sounds like a bunch of phoney to me from your parents. And yes your father talked "calmly" about it. Of course he did! He realizes you are one smart cookie and are catching on to their abusive behavior. He wldnt b dumb enuf to yell at you - and toss another red flag in your face. He will b on his "best behavior" to further cloud your judgement and make you second guess yourself.

Don't fall for it. But more importantly, don't let on to your parents that you're aware it's all phoney. Stay aloof and keep your distance.

"It's in my doctor report apparently"

Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. Don't believe everything an abusive person tells you. Even if it is, what's the diagnosis based on and why is this the first time you are hearing of it? And, I ask again, what has he done in the way of treatment for what he has called a "disease"? My asking again is not by way of putting pressure on YOU, but only in the hopes you will see that what he is doing is pure manipulation - I know that if MY child were diagnosed with something, I'd be looking for cures, therapies, treatments, whatever was relevant to the diagnosis, I wouldn't just wait until he "screwed up" (ie made me feel/look bad - and I say "he" cos my actual child is a boy) before bothering to mention it/do anything at all.

If you really were diagnosed with Aspergers (or borderline Aspergers), a discussion about how you "screwed up" by talking about your fears and your emotions, followed by a punishment for having done so, is not the time or place to talk about your diagnosis.

Your YM (or someone) did you wrong. But your father has added to that by not hearing or wanting to hear WHY you sought help, instead punishing you for doing so and hinting that because he says you had a diagnosis based on nothing you knew anything about ... well it's probly all in your head.

You know the truth, he's punished you for telling it. And that's not fair.

Your father is worried he will be arrested. He will cover his tracks to save himself. Walk on eggshells until you find a safe way out.

I know in my state the school reports to the parents regardless if they are 18 or not. A child can not even request that parents are not called. I found counselors are there more for academic advice and clueless to personal issues. Some schools have mental health advisers that counsel for discipline issues.

Violet: You may not want to tell anyone at school as most all are required by law to report abuse to social services. If they believe you and not your father they probably would not remove you from the home because you are 18. They will tell you that you can leave.

I know some of this first hand but different states may have different rules. Be sure and be careful before you make another move.

Thank you everyone.

NotMyself1: I was diagnosed by a doctor when I was little. I don't know when exactly. Yes. My dad saw our texts and said what I was doing is dangerous and I don't need to do that because I don't know who is on the other end.
Livn: I don't know when I was diagnosed specifically. All I know is it's in my 15 page doctor report. I can't remember why he brought the aspergers up.
Sandy: My dad said that the next step is child services coming and arresting my mom. and taking me and putting me in foster care. My dad said he'd have to quit his job to care for kids. I will be careful.
IIene: My boyfriend was furious because my YM/whoever called my parents went behind my back and called. They didn't ask if it was ok. If it was my YM then he lied to my face. He told me he wouldn't talk to parents without consulting me first but that didn't happen. If he called then he betrayed my trust. Should I be mad at him (or whoever called)? I feel angry, hurt, and taken aback because he/she called and never said anything to me first.

Everyone: While dad and I were talking he did tell me several times that he loves me and is proud of me. He said my mom loves me too. Sometimes it doesn't feel that way being called names constantly. My dad says it's just playful bantering. Should I call my YM and see if he was the one who called in? Or not? The thing with the diagnosis of aspergers has happened before, except it was my mild case of scoliosis my mom failed to tell me about until last year. She said I've had it for years and was diagnosed with it when I was a little kid.

Sorry that things have taken this turn, V.

If anything, at least it showed you that you can get some pretty good advice here, as most were warning you of getting the church folk involved over a professional that is trained in dealing with abusive situations. Live and learn, eh?

Tho' i'm sure whoever called thought they were doing the "right" thing, as "biblically", an "offender" should be privately confronted...which is what they were doing. Unfortunately, now you will be monitored with eagle eyes as far as your abusers are concerned.

All that the above fine folk have written is truth, and thoughts you should be memorizing.

Verbal abuse is NOT "playful bantering".
You are 18. You will NOT be sent to a "foster home". If authorities do get involved in the future, for whatever reason, they may decide that it is in your siblings best interests to remove them from your parents for a time. Your father would never have to quit his job to care for them due to your situation. He may, along with your mother, have to take some classes and pass an exam or two to earn the right to parent back.

Do your younger siblings face abuse also, or are you the unlucky target of their anger?

I find it interesting that your parents seem to hold back on giving you all of this medical info. about yourself until they need some way of making you feel "less than" or "screwed up". "Lying cowards" comes to my mind, but that's just me. ;)

Even if you do have a lil' bit o' Aspergers, it's really not that big of a deal. It's not something to be any kind of "ashamed" of or anything. My oldest gets on just fine! He's just a bit tidier than many his age! LOL! & REALLY good with machines! We call him a "technomancer".

& he takes NO abuse, from anyone, in any way, shape, manner, or form. Nor is he abusive towards any living being. :)

& neither should you. Take abuse, that is. I don't think you are abusive in any way.

IMHO, getting in touch with the PROFESSIONALS at the nearest domestic violence center/shelter should be your number one priority. Besides working and saving your $ in order to move away from some of this soul destroying crap that you're currently stuck living with.

Maybe you and your boyfriend could make it a joint field trip. You're both pretty young, and will (unfortunately) be running into abused humans along the way in this life in this realm. Maybe make it an effort to become GOOD sources of help and info.

Heck...you may wind up getting the proper education to become a counselor or therapist or advocate or lawyer or something yourself some day! "Knowledge is power"! :)

Just TC, and be careful around the homestead for a while.

{hugz}