Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I have never actually dealt with what happens to me in the past. I have always pushed it out and it seems to creep back in. When I was younger my family was part of an apostolic Pentecostal church. So whatever the pastor said was okay. I have always thought I was selfish for thinking my issues were bigger than hers so I've tried to put it behind me. She was sexually abused and I was physically abused. I never knew it happened to her until my parents were divorced(my mother going away from the church because they don't believe in it). Everyday he would find some excuse to beat me with something leaving welts and bruises all over my body. My mother was terrified of him because the church had her thinking if she left her husband it was a great sin. I still have feelings as if I blame her but I understand more not to because of the situation we were all in. It was almost as if it were a scary horrifying cult. I am trying to deal with it now, I almost feel embarrassed as if it shouldn't matter anymore. Letting it out I believe is the very first step. If anyone has ideas dealing with self-help please share.
If you are not in therapy with a qualified trauma release therapist who has specialized training over and above what s/he got in school & required to obtain and keep a license, AND who understands the dynamics & effects of abuse, please seriously consider doing so ASAP. It's hard to release the trauma of abuse without help. And many therapists/counselors do not understand the dynamics & effects of abuse and many don't have the training to help. Talk therapy often just opens up the wounds w/o creating any healing. There are many other modalities, when combined w/talk therapy & CBT, create healing. We each need to find the modality(s) that works the best for us.
Also practicing extreme self-care is critical in healing. Here are two links to a thread that will give you some self-care suggestions.
https://www.dailystrength.org/group/physical-emotional-abuse/discussion/focusing-on-self-love-amp-self-care
https://www.dailystrength.org/group/physical-emotional-abuse/discussion/focusing-on-self-love-amp-self-care
and here is a link to some questions to ask a potential trauma recovery therapist.
https://www.dailystrength.org/group/physical-emotional-abuse/discussion/questions-to-ask-a-potential-therapist
Keep reading and posting here. This is a great group (altho a little slow since ds changed platforms) and sadly, many have walked in your shoes.
~healing hugs~
I dealt and still deal with some complicated feelings. I know that my parents and some church leaders were trying to do what they felt was right. Yet I also see now that perhaps many of them were simply unqualified to lead and unfit to be working with children. A few may have been very unstable themselves.
Also woven in the pain is the love of my family. It is hard to distinguish sometimes in distancing from their way of life, feeling the anger for their decisions, yet also loving them and wanting their acceptance.
Finding a few friends who genuinely care about my well-being helped me a lot. They showed me what real kindness and compassion look like.
Also, for some reason, I listened to a ton of personal stories of people from different walks of life, especially those different than me, or people I was taught to hate and fear. It showed me that our human struggles are quite similar despite the outer shell. It gave me hope that there is a way through adversity. I really needed that for a long time.
I'm new here too and this support group is pretty cool.
I can only say what helped me, but I don't really feel qualified to give advice for what is best for you.
I do wish you the best in your healing.
It was at that time that I realized that our stories weren't "competition" that one wasn't better or worse than the other....there was good and bad to both. (No fun watching someone die...but I did get to say goodbye, etc, etc.)
The same is true with Abuse...it's not a competition. One isn't "worse" than another. What I grew up with was 100% emotional...but it left me suicidal daily from age 5.
Ya know, it's just not a contest. I never really cared for Whitney Houston, but like the song goes...Learning to Love Yourself...really is the greatest gift. So, so easy to kids who've never gone through self condemnation; and oh so very, very hard for those of us who have.
Hugs, Patti
Sending healing hugs to you,
LindaKara :)
I can relate to what you wrote. I was physically and emotionally abused by my ex-husband, who was a sex addict and a porn addict. I felt like an awful person for wanting to leave him and eventually leaving him. Most people in the church treated me terribly afterwards (I stopped going once the annulment began) and really treated me like I was less than human. I didn't deserve their compassion or sympathy. It was a really hard time for me. So I get it, and I know it must be hard to not blame her because she stayed with him, when she could have left for your sake and hers. Ultimately you are out of that situation and don't have to deal with it anymore. It is in the past and we are living in the present. See what can be learned in your life out of what you went through. This really isn't about anyone, but yourself and your life. Love and light to you.