Personality Disorders Support Group
Personality disorders form a class of mental disorders that are characterized by long-lasting rigid patterns of thought and behaviour. Personality disorders are seen by the American Psychiatric Association as an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly from the expectations of the culture of the individual who exhibits it.
Hello everyone,
This is my first forum post. I was newly diagnosed with BPD after a mental health crisis this past November. That’s a long story, and I’d be willing to tell it for anyone who has interest.
What I’m really hoping you all could give me is some support with regard to feeling like an alien even within this diagnosis. Everything “fits,” but I hear so much about BPD being debilitating in terms of people not being able to work or not presenting well. I know in my heart that BPD explains so much of my inner turmoil and the things that send me into a “spiral,” but I feel very alone and confused. Every time I talk about BPD with my therapist or my boyfriend, I feel awkward even saying it -- like me harping on it is going to look like I want this diagnosis or am having fun with it or playing it up or something.
By all accounts, I am a successful young adult. And I think it’s probably a massive stereotype with people with BPD can’t have success or normalcy. Nevertheless, I feel like my “high functioning” label is just a way to undermine the legitimacy of my feelings and identity.
I’ve been reading about borderline subtypes and identify with aspects of them, but I guess the “discouraged borderline” is the best fit? But I know that these aren’t in DSM-5 and again that makes me question legitimacy of whether I'm just looking for a way to justify and rationalize my own inability to cope.
Some may say that it doesn’t matter, and I know it really shouldn’t, but I have a compulsive need to riddle things out. I’m highly logical and sometimes I wish I wasn’t, because it makes it hard to accept that sometimes there are no best answers. I just feel so illegitimate.
Does anyone else know anything about subtypes or levels of functioning?
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder 23 years ago, and the two diagnoses seem to feed off each other. Today I have a meeting with a vocational rehab counselor whom I hope will help me re-enter the workforce. I haven't worked for 15 years. I was a home health aide from the time I graduated high school until late 2002. I'd like to try that line of work again, except I forgot how to cook, which sounds really dumb, I know. I can do everything else well, except for dealing with the possibility of a client's death (the reason I left the field), due to my long-standing and deep-seated fear of abandonment, a criterion of BPD. My therapist suggested I read a book called "I Hate You - Don't Leave Me" which I thought was pretty good. It may help you.
Working through the challenges of BPD is where you will get a better idea of your personal definition of BPD. No two diagnosed with the disorder will be the same. Of the combination of aspects you read about in the DSM-5 , the ones you identify with will be your own personal subtype. From there you learn what type of management and coping skills work for you. Your high level of functioning helps to design the journey toward recovery based on how you use the skills. What it comes down to is allowing yourself to go through the process and find the right path for you. The process is to untangle and work through the feelings.
I am a high functioning adult who has been successful. In education and career. (Headed into retirement now!) I too needed to have things make logical sense and would try to rationalize everything. Sometimes, you just have to get out of your head in order to just feel. Feel the feelings, Trying to be logical or rationalize gets in the way.,(Trust me, I’ve been there, done that), only slows down the process. Easier said than done.
I hope this helps. Truth be told, the journey is not easy, but worth it. There is no exact timeline. Take one step at a time...whether it be forward or backward. Persevere.
DBT is also a great asset. Being borderline erotic/psychotic cannot be cured over night. This is a long term goal that I really have to be willing to achieve. Luckily I am in love with a person with a very special personality disorder, and having someone to remind me when I am "acting BPD " helps (although I can obviously become offended sometimes)
I try to ignore the stigma in the world. Everyone is their own case. I like to believe that I am hypersensitive with a history of abuse and therefore, extremely defensive at moments. My own BPD causes me to feel very small and put down easily, and very angry.
I just pay attention to my own personal qualities and try to grow and learn from my mistakes. Stigmas will only make it worse.
I would suggest to be aware of your triggers, and work with a therapist to know how to release the density of those triggers and how to react.
As a young woman with borderline personality disorder, I have to stay aware of my reactions. 99% of the time it is me 1% of the time it is the other person.
Stay hopeful, get thru the rough patches and build your character. We can be some of the most successful, creative people .
Anyone who has
Emotional Regulation difficulties
Or needs help with interpersonal skills
Or help with tolerating distress
Or not living in the moment (chronic turmoil, restlessness & anxiety etc)
Could benefit from:
Dialectical Behavior Therapy
Ilovedbt.com
&
DBT Peer Connections YouTube Channel