Personality Disorders Support Group
Personality disorders form a class of mental disorders that are characterized by long-lasting rigid patterns of thought and behaviour. Personality disorders are seen by the American Psychiatric Association as an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly from the expectations of the culture of the individual who exhibits it.
Hi I'm sorry if this post is long but I'm to this board (but not to DailyStrength) and want to tell my story, I just feel like I need to talk. I don't really know why it's taken me so long to join this community as I was dx with BPD traits a while ago now. I guess I didn't feel like I belonged here because I only have traits...not the whole disorder. I chose to join in the end as the traits I do have...do have an effect on me and my mood.
I'm also dx Bipolar and my pdoc has said that he thinks when my Bipolar showed itself between 14 - 18 slowly getting worse. That it's possible that it caused my BPD traits to show themselves also.
My traits that I suffer from are -
Abandonment Issues:
I don't have issues with being left alone or if a partner was to break up with me. I seem to have trouble coping with the idea that I won't always have my Mum. I'm not sure if it would com under this but it's the only thing I can think of putting it down to. My Mum is so supportive and understanding and I feel like if I didn't have my Mum, or when my Mum is no longer with me. I will just fall to pieces and won't be able to carry on.
Identity Disturbance:
Self-image issues, I suffer with Dissociation too which doesn't help with keeping reality in check. Everything seems...unreal somethimes. This is where the 'emptyness' comes into too. I also have peroids when I am 'confused' about my sexuality...I still can't be certain :S
Self Harm:
I cut when everything gets too much. It helps cope with suicidal ideations.
Mood Instability:
Obvious...mood swings which are not helped by the Bipolar. Severe depression, anger but with me I am unable to express it, so it stays locked away in me.
Anger:
Like I said...I do experience intense anger but instead of expressing it like most BPD people to...I can't...I just keep it all bottled up until I end up breaking down into tears.
So that's about it...anyway if you've managed to read all this...you certainly don't suffer with dissociation, lol. On a serious note...thank you if you have read this and are willing to reply. I just wanted to make myself an official member I guess so I can ask for and hopefully offer support in the future.
Thankyou
x-Bliss-x
I'm also dx Bipolar and my pdoc has said that he thinks when my Bipolar showed itself between 14 - 18 slowly getting worse. That it's possible that it caused my BPD traits to show themselves also.
My traits that I suffer from are -
Abandonment Issues:
I don't have issues with being left alone or if a partner was to break up with me. I seem to have trouble coping with the idea that I won't always have my Mum. I'm not sure if it would com under this but it's the only thing I can think of putting it down to. My Mum is so supportive and understanding and I feel like if I didn't have my Mum, or when my Mum is no longer with me. I will just fall to pieces and won't be able to carry on.
Identity Disturbance:
Self-image issues, I suffer with Dissociation too which doesn't help with keeping reality in check. Everything seems...unreal somethimes. This is where the 'emptyness' comes into too. I also have peroids when I am 'confused' about my sexuality...I still can't be certain :S
Self Harm:
I cut when everything gets too much. It helps cope with suicidal ideations.
Mood Instability:
Obvious...mood swings which are not helped by the Bipolar. Severe depression, anger but with me I am unable to express it, so it stays locked away in me.
Anger:
Like I said...I do experience intense anger but instead of expressing it like most BPD people to...I can't...I just keep it all bottled up until I end up breaking down into tears.
So that's about it...anyway if you've managed to read all this...you certainly don't suffer with dissociation, lol. On a serious note...thank you if you have read this and are willing to reply. I just wanted to make myself an official member I guess so I can ask for and hopefully offer support in the future.
Thankyou
x-Bliss-x
I did look up that book when I was dx but I found one that appealed to me more. It's called 'Lost In The Mirror'. It's a little hard to read because it's so detailed but I knew straight away...apart from the anger...it was me.
x-Bliss-x
I self harm also, most of it is hitting or biting myself. It does help what ever anyone says, but i know it's bad.
My moods are very unpredicatble, really anxious on minutes, crying the next, bouncing off the walls on a high the next.
I used to have anger issues, but not much now, most of that was aimed at my mother and now i live away from home it's not such an issue.
It doesn't matter whether you just have traits everyone is welcome here, hope i can be of some help to you in the future. I am a very classic BPD in all it's glory LOL
There's another book called "Skills Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder" by Dr Marsha M. Linehan. She's considered to be one of the foremost experts on treating BPD....I totally recommend this book.
PS: It's used by clinicians mostly, but most bookshops should be able to get it in
I can understand what you said about it being easy to miss-dx BPD for BP but that's definately not the case for me. I have all the symptoms of BP (frequent and very quick changes in Mood. I can go from being desprately depressed and suicidal at night and when I eventually get to sleep, wake up and be really bright...as you might read in my recent journal entries) There's no doubt in my mind that I'm BP with some symptoms of BPD and it was the same for my pdoc.
Thank you for the book recommendation, I will look into it :)
x-Bliss-x
I found this on http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/borderline-personality-disorder.shtml
"While a person with depression or bipolar disorder typically endures the same mood for weeks, a person with BPD may experience intense bouts of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last only hours, or at most a day." I think for BPD the depression and manic periods don't last long (hours unto 1 day) but for BP their depression and manic stage can last for weeks. I am just like you. I go to bed really really depressed and wake up in the morning and feel like nothing happened. Or I go to sleep fine and wake up in the morning with anxiety and depression. My mood changes within couple hours.
Sometimes I'm able to express my anger...but most of the time I just bottle it up too.
I did buy the workbook by Marsha Linehan and another workbook can't remember the exact title but it was "Skills for BPD" or something like that. I haven't started working it yet but at least I feel some hope now.
When I get angry I am either loud and obnoxious or I bawl and get suicidal.
I have bitten myself since childhood as well as hit myself. Sometimes I feel like a kid having a temper tantrum and heck I am 45 years old for goodness sake. My family cannot figure out why after seeing counselors and psych. for 20 years now that I just don't snap out of it. Well if they would actually look at the symptoms and compare them to me they would understand why.
Thanks for listening and sharing.
Thank you for all the support.
The close relation of bp symptoms and BPD symptoms is so confusing. I still trust my pdoc but I do think BPD is playing more a part of why I'm not stabilizing than my pdoc wants to admit. I know that BPD sometimes has a bad rep and people have said it's not cureable (which I know isn't true).My pdoc has been a therapist for over 25yrs and he seems to be suprised at the seriousness of my symptoms at such a young age. I think my age is part of the reason he tries to protect me from it all. But I'm not stupid, lol. I have my head screwed on even if it is wired wrong.
I guess none of us will ever have a certain dx. You could get 10 therapists in one room and they might all give different dx.
One day at a time and live for that day...that's all we can do.
x-Bliss-x
apart from saying that, welcome to the group =]
Looking forward to reading about you and others here.