I personally would not share any info that is not your own, the pastor should have and follow proper procedure.I would want it handled discreetly if it were my child.There are laws that even protect the perp and talking could jepardize any active investigation,but I do think all the families in that group should be contacted by church officials.

Give the pastor the phone number of your detective (I think you went to one, right)

Clearly already the pastor has declared himself as inept in handling this - as most churches are.
I'm sorry to rock your boat, but I saw this saying
"I I got raped at Denny's as often as children are raped in churches, every Denny's would be burned to the ground"
My husband got covered up both by my kids' Catholic school and also by his County affiliates. I don't think people are thinking Hey! Let's cover up the molester... I think people think "we're too perfect of an entity that one of us could have done thaaaat"
It's really just Narcissism

In my mind a "perfect entity" has zero tolerance for this stuff and acts quickly and swiftly... But most don't think the way I do.

I agree 96percent, I don't like to speak against a house of God but I am a little confused about the Catholic church.My inlaws are devout Catholics(my mother in law a previous nun) and they won't even acknowledge the sexual abuse problem.How are parents still sending their kids to Catholic school and how do the families attend services and support a church that writes off these victims.It's like they are saying "here are my kids"Anyway off topic,but I agree they should have a plan in place I volunteer at our church's vacation bible school every year and I have to say we have an orientation that includes procedures in the event that someone is violated.It is spelled out to a "T" so there is no question what to do.How is this offender still free?

Why isn't monster child in jail or a group home? He's 10 and there hasn't been enough evidence to convict him. Our detective said from the start that the system was not set up for such a young perpetrator.

Should the pastor let the whole Church know about the perp? Maybe except there is the whole violation of privacy of this 10 year old child as well as we have no control over what he does.

Should I give the pastor the number to our Detective? I could but the detective was very clear that he could neither deny nor confirm our stories relating to his church. Plus, our detective didn't take my children's stories about other kids being hurt seriously...remember he told me to not do anything. He didnt think I'did want "to stir up settled dust and not know where it would land." Of my own accord, I reported them to CPS as well as contacted the parents and pastor.

I do feel like it would be a violation of privacy to tell him any specific people who could be victims, even if it's just their family name. Some people don't want anyone to know! I also agree that I don't want to ruin anything legally investigation that could be opened in regards to the other children nor the perp.

Thanks for weighing in guys. I appreciate it.

So sad, even though this 10 year old is the perp he obviously learned it somewhere which means he was probably violated and may still be,So sad.

The things he was doing though, imagine him in a few more years if he doesn't get any help. I can't imagine the things he might do when he's going through puberty! I just don't see how these families and this church aren't kicking this family out on their butts!

I also agree it isn't your place to tell. You did enough by letting this pastor know. The rest is up to the individual families. Let's not re victimize these kiddos by having everyone know.

Agreed ladies. Our worst fear is not IF he'll hurt again but WHO he'll hurt when he gets up the courage to re-offend! We are especially scared of what will happen when hormones hit! I'm afraid that we live even just a few exits from him or that he continues to be near my home through these church functions! He's the kind of child who will kill someone and not bat an eyelash and pull of that innocent "I'm too little to have done that" look. I still don't know how my daughter is alive with all the knife scars on her body...she could have bled to death!

As for learning it from somewhere, I whole-heartedly agree! My 4 year old keeps talking about "boys marrying boys" and I addressed it with him today and he shared that this little boy used to play dolls with him and have the boy dolls get dressed up to marry each other, kiss each other and that he'd tell my then 2 1/2 year old son "it's o.k. for boys to marry boys and girls to marry girls, God says it's o.k." (Aside from anyone's personal beliefs) this feels like a grooming tactic especially because this same concept was shared with my other 2 children: "Girls can see girls, boys can see boys and sisters and brothers can see each other but boys and girls can't see each other naked." This tactic also leads me to believe that whoever has been perpetrating on this monster boy is either a religious leader of some sort OR hides behind a religious facade to get away with what he's doing to hurt monster boy. I asked my little guy what he felt when this kid made the boy dolls kiss? "Scared." He has SO much more to disclose...*sigh*

Moms instincts are quite often right. Ugh.

Just reading this whole thing... My mind is going towards that priest...
1: he shouldn't be using the church members to play "spies" with each other..
2: his additude when presented with this info shouldn't be.."give me a heads up if you see it again"
Number 2 leads me into this thought...
The priest is probably thinking... "Give me a heads up" 'so I know where you saw me doing this'.
I believe he is more behind this than anyone.. If he was a true priest, he would be concerned about his members more than 'give me a heads up' line.
If it's another child, first give a stern warning... Sit down and talk, no jokes, do your own digging, (not asking members to do it) maybe suggest therapy.
If nothing is done in like a week. Pursue other means.
Most real churches have things set up for the safety of their members, and the proper ways.

Something didn't strike me right when I read the original statement..even before I read the comments.
Yes, that kid has been hurt in one way, something tells me he's probably seen porn/violence maybe not just tv, or in person.. Maybe both. Someone has been grooming that kid, probably with the additude " it won't hurt him, I use to watch crap like this when I was a kid, I turned out ok'. I've heard that line to many times, always been a red flag to me..


Sorry for being an 'outsider' if I've offended anyone, I'm very sorry. That was not my intentions..

I'll stop now..

Notalone00

You didn't offend me, Notalone00. Asking parishioners to "tattle" on each other is really lame at best, and undermines trust -- we expect confidentiality when dealing with the clergy.

I'm not at ALL offended! But I feel I need to clarify the situation even further.

First, the monster boy's family is not technically a part of Church A, the church where the children's group meets. Neither is our family but my mom IS a member there. She is the pianist. However monster boy's family attends the children's group there as well as an ethnic church's special functions that meets on the property of Church A. Church A rents its' facilities out to 3 or 4 various ethnic churches during the week.

Monster boy's family attends Church B but his mom is like a butterfly dropping her kids at all different places to keep them "spiritually busy" in hopes that they won't be as much trouble when she's in charge. So monster boy and his siblings also attend youth group at Church B as well as youth group at a Church C. His dad is one of the more respected men in the very large church and ironically, monster boy's parents participated in a documentary about godly marriages a couple years back. I'm not saying their marriage isn't GOOD but there's TOO much that they as a couple live in denial about. I too agree that it's possibly a pastor of some sort but I believe it is from Church B, NOT Church A.

I'm going to share my original emails with the pastor from Church A just to clarify the various views that could be taken on what he said. You can take it at face value or read between the lines.

MY Email:
"I wasn't sure if you were aware that the other family attends the [ethnic] Church at [Church A] sometimes. Specifically, per an eye-witness friend, they were all there on Sunday and the child of concern was playing out in the courtyard without parents. We thought maybe you might want to speak with the pastor of that church to have him on the same page as you. Just a suggestion.

Also, as for anonymity, the other family has already told the [children's group] leaders that they know, that we allowed them to stay at the group and can't be there if they are. (Which is partially a lie.) My mother was told by a concerned leader so she now knows which family we struggle with. I never had planned on this. I'm starting to accept that we have little to no control over WHAT is said and to WHO.

We just wanted to update you."

PASTOR Email:
"I'm sorry that has happened. We really can't do anything about what they say. I'm sorry it got back to your mom. [We] were committed to total confidentiality.

I received a call from [probable victim's dad that moved East]. Would you please let me know if you are going to contact anyone else at [Church A]l? They will most likely contact me, but I'd like to be prepared and be praying as well. Thanks!

I will contact the [ethnic] pastor and let him know."

MY Reply Email:
"I understand you can't change what people talk about. Please don't think I was asking you to! I simply wanted you to be aware of where the rumor mill was in its run.

As for sharing with you who else we've contacted, with all due respect and understanding where you're coming from and after seeking council, we feel it would be a betrayal of confidentiality to the other families. If these probable victims are truly victims, they deserve the choice of who they share their story with. Not to mention the fact that we shouldn't be discussing anything that has an open investigation; we are not in contact with any families after we share our initial eye-witness accounts about their child so we don't know what the other families do. My husband said we can share that as far as we know, there are not any current [Church A] attendees that have been victimized.

I'm sorry that you have to carry this burden. Please know that I had no idea or knowledge of the [probable victim's] family's plans to contact you and they did that of their own accord. As we had spoken about, educating is half the battle in situations like this so we have begun sharing with friends a small portion of our story as well as encouraging them to speak with their children about body safety by sharing that book we had talked about.

If you would like to speak more in depth or have further questions, please call my husband at [details].

Thanks for being willing to speak with the other pastor. Thank-you and I pray that God will give you the wisdom and strength that you need in dealing with this God-ordained situation."

We HAD shared with him in our original 1 hour disclosure that another child HAD been harmed on the church's property and that we had planned on contacting them. He had asked at that time to tell him who and we told him we didn't think it was our place. He accepted that. The interesting fact is that the other victim's dad is a military guy and he called only 1 week after we shared with his wife. Remember, his wife is an ex-social worker and had planned on setting her daughter up with a therapist right away. She also had planned on telling her husband in the next couple days. So all of that must have happened in this one week! I did speak with our mutual friend and just asked about the dad's personality and why he might have "hypothetically" called Church A's pastor She said he's the kind of guy that wants all the facts before he makes a decision so he probably called to get more info. Our mutual friend's husband also used to be the youth pastor at Church A so she gave me insight into the pastor...he's not the best communicator and forgets to respond to stuff sometimes, but not on purpose, just because he's so busy. So I totally don't think he's avoiding me or anything especially because we haven't pursued getting his attention any more.

I hope this helps everyone see a clearer picture! ;) Thanks for your insight. Gotta go post another subject of this mess that is bugging me...

Maybe I'm still missing something, though this is what I'm thinking.. (Again, really not trying to argue, or upset anyone...sorry if I do, or it come across that way)

Even if the pastor isn't in charge of anything at 'church b' or he is 'forgetful' or any number of other things... He or this whole thing still sounds fishy.
If it's his building, he (and the building insurance) is still on him. If a person is dealing drugs while 'church b' is or isn't in session, he IS still responsible... (All hypothetical)... Let's change over to drugs instead of sexual abuse..just for a min...
Let's say trouble kid is dealing and using drugs anywhere on the property, and IF he or any one else would get hurt while doing what ever drug it is.. (Doesn't matter if in service, youth night, or 3am...) it still falls on the insurance. And if it's determined that 'oh, this happened at church'... (Sorry if I repeated a little) it STILL falls on whole ever owns and runs the building...

That pastor is an idiot if he thinks this won't fall on him...

And everyone knows sex abuse is a bunch worse than drugs...
It really sounds like he really DOES know something, and trying to 'play dumb'...
People of the church tell the pastor EVERYTHING. So I'm thinking he already knows who, what, when. And is either telling himself or just everyone else, that he can't do anything, or its on them (church b' or any other lie he's telling trying to shift blame..

If you really feel he's not doing everything, (including calling the police...even knowing that there might be abuse if any kind going on in his building and he doesn't call??!! (Sorry))
Contact the elders, or the diocese of your area.. Say something to them, they may try to brush you off...sadly, but don't stop. And keep us posted.. If you want..

Hang in there..

Notalone00

Notalone00, Church B is at a completely different location not at all controlled by this pastor, even a separate denomination. He didn't even know that Monster boy's family visited the ethnic Church sometimes; he only knew they came to the kid's group which is technically not an offshoot of the church, even though for problems like this the pastor becomes involved. I did tell him that our detective said that if he called the police they could neither confirm nor deny our accusations of things happening at his church. It's all verbal he-said, she-said. He does have a lawyer which I'm guessing he might have spoken with by now, after the most recent victim contact. I do agree that to allow the kid to stay doesn't make legal sense but he's wanting to help the child learn moral truths in hopes of reaching his heart...he told us as much. Especially because the kid is only 10, people still can't fathom the depths of depravity a mind takes when committing this type of serial abuse against other children. And to be fair, he might have taken our suggestion and asked a parent to stay with him the whole time of the kid's group. We aren't in regular communication with him because he's not our pastor. His youth program leader DOES know about it too so I'm sure she'll keep it in mind if the family tries to enroll this kid in any other kid's programs at their location. This abuse is also from 2012-2013. It's highly possible he will call the police in regards to the other family's case. I only know the small amounts i hear from others or from the 1 email and in person talk with the pastor. Our case is a dud because my oldest son was also an offender so throws too much reasonable doubt in even though it was only his sister, never his brothers, and we have confirmed cases of abuse by the other child when my kid couln't have hurt my 3 children because he was stuck in a hospital bed puking up his guts due to chemo. Oh well.