Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
I haven't been here in a few months. Life is so busy with two teens, trying to go to school myself and support us all. I wanted to send this message mainly to let each and every one of you know that I am never far away. I think of you all and wish I could be here more and help more. We are close to 5 years from disclosure. We are all doing okay and we are living and not unhappy.
It is still hard sometimes. My daughter (16 now) has started to consider dating, but no matter the guy is just not ready for a relationship. As a mom, I am both very glad of this and also worry that too much of it is that she is avoiding relationships. For now, I don't want to worry too much or to push...so I'm giving this some time.
We still have a tenuous relationship with his family. His mother is still in denial and likely always will be. I do my best to understand she is a mother and it's not easy for her. I stand by my boundaries on what is acceptable and not for her to communicate with the kids. Now, they are getting old enough that if she says something inappropriate, they usually call her on it themselves...so I don't have to worry as much as in the past.
This IS a life long process. None of us will ever just "get over it". We are all learning to deal with it and to learn to live happy lives despite the abuse. It's not easy, and it won't ever be easy.
I do want to share with those of you who are in the early days that it does get easier. It does get better. Hope and faith are amazing. After five years, we have rediscovered a new normal for our family and we live it. We are happy.
Things are hard because it is never easy being a single mom, trying to better my education and make it all happen. Things are hard because still, we get mad as hell. We have times when the ex-mother-in-law will say something stupid like "he's having problems with high blood pressure and depression". And you all I know understand that we want to commit violence when we hear such stupidity. Yeah, I suffer from high blood pressure too...but I'm not in prison and I don't have health insurance. So, I suffer, do my best to manage it naturally and do a lot of praying that I can continue to provide three meals a day and roof for us!
I hate hearing that he plays guitar in the prison church group and such b.s. It must be nice since I sure as hell don't have the time or money to pursue much of a hobby!! I still worry each day that my daughter can have some kind of normal life. That she won't be so afraid to have a relationship that it never happens...and we just don't know yet. I still hope that my son grows in to a strong young man that puts respect for others above all else. So many worries, so much to get through, work through, deal with...
I really wanted to send out a message of hope tonight, but to be realistic...it is a journey, a life long process of healing and dealing and praying. But, put one foot in front of the other, believe, love, keep faith. After five years, I can say that we don't think of this everyday. Most of the time, we are a normal little family just making it the best we can. We have learned a lot, do our best to share our knowledge with others and the best thing my daughter ever said from so many years ago "I will never be silent again"....we talk, we share our story and do our best to help others.
My thoughts and prayers, as always, are with each and every one of you. It will never go away, but it really does get easier. One day, you can take a breath again...just keep faith.
Hugs...K
It is still hard sometimes. My daughter (16 now) has started to consider dating, but no matter the guy is just not ready for a relationship. As a mom, I am both very glad of this and also worry that too much of it is that she is avoiding relationships. For now, I don't want to worry too much or to push...so I'm giving this some time.
We still have a tenuous relationship with his family. His mother is still in denial and likely always will be. I do my best to understand she is a mother and it's not easy for her. I stand by my boundaries on what is acceptable and not for her to communicate with the kids. Now, they are getting old enough that if she says something inappropriate, they usually call her on it themselves...so I don't have to worry as much as in the past.
This IS a life long process. None of us will ever just "get over it". We are all learning to deal with it and to learn to live happy lives despite the abuse. It's not easy, and it won't ever be easy.
I do want to share with those of you who are in the early days that it does get easier. It does get better. Hope and faith are amazing. After five years, we have rediscovered a new normal for our family and we live it. We are happy.
Things are hard because it is never easy being a single mom, trying to better my education and make it all happen. Things are hard because still, we get mad as hell. We have times when the ex-mother-in-law will say something stupid like "he's having problems with high blood pressure and depression". And you all I know understand that we want to commit violence when we hear such stupidity. Yeah, I suffer from high blood pressure too...but I'm not in prison and I don't have health insurance. So, I suffer, do my best to manage it naturally and do a lot of praying that I can continue to provide three meals a day and roof for us!
I hate hearing that he plays guitar in the prison church group and such b.s. It must be nice since I sure as hell don't have the time or money to pursue much of a hobby!! I still worry each day that my daughter can have some kind of normal life. That she won't be so afraid to have a relationship that it never happens...and we just don't know yet. I still hope that my son grows in to a strong young man that puts respect for others above all else. So many worries, so much to get through, work through, deal with...
I really wanted to send out a message of hope tonight, but to be realistic...it is a journey, a life long process of healing and dealing and praying. But, put one foot in front of the other, believe, love, keep faith. After five years, I can say that we don't think of this everyday. Most of the time, we are a normal little family just making it the best we can. We have learned a lot, do our best to share our knowledge with others and the best thing my daughter ever said from so many years ago "I will never be silent again"....we talk, we share our story and do our best to help others.
My thoughts and prayers, as always, are with each and every one of you. It will never go away, but it really does get easier. One day, you can take a breath again...just keep faith.
Hugs...K
annholly
Thanks so much K. Your insight is very much appreciated. You sound like a beautiful faithful woman and I am so greatful for your encouragement! Isnt that the kicker that prisoners get healthcare and we dont? I cant wait for God to make this world right!! So we plug along and do the best we can. Hugs to you and your lovely family. H
Caramel33
Thank you Raniagale. My daughter still too young to start dealing with this in any serious way- so much ahead of us, I get frightened sometimes. Love and kisses back- please look in sometimes, we all need to hear some good news stories. So hard to keep strong. I look forward to the day that my daughter can talk about this with us. At the moment, just pushed so far underground- but I know she is a strong person. I struggle with anger every day- for the lack of resolution. I am seeing a counsellor, but sometimes wonder if it is making much difference....
deleted_user
It's good to hear from you again Ranigale! I'm glad things are going well. I know that is a point that seems too impossible for those in the beginning stages. I'm still not there, but I see it ahead. And to know that it can eventually be reached is another weight lifted. I pray for you and your family as you continue this journey. I'm so proud your daughter is not keeping silent. I wish mine was at a point where she wasn't so ashamed of what happened to her. She is so strong, but can't see the strength inside herself. (((Hugs)))
Bandmom5
Thank you so much, K for your encouragement and insight, and I have you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. My family and I are entering a very scary time, and all the advice and support on these boards are becoming invaluable to me.
deleted_user
Thank you so much, Ranigale! This was great!!! I am so happy to read this!!
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