Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
So, on Nov. 29th my 8 year old daughter revealed to me that her brother (actually a half brother, but she doesn't think of it that way because he has been in her life since she was born - I have raised him since he was 5) had been molesting her. The best she and he can figure it has been going on for at least 2 years, possibly longer. If that isn't enough to make me sick, he confessed to his dad last night when his dad was visiting him in juvenile detention where he has been since Nov. 29th, that he also victimized a girl that lived next door to us before we moved 10 months ago. He says he just grabbed her butt (which is bad enough) but I don't believe that is all he did. He is getting nervous because he is about to be moved to a secure facility - a boys home type of place for teens who are in trouble for sex type problems. He has learned that they will do a polygraph pretty soon after he gets there. I was just starting to sleep again at night and had finally been able to put the pictures in my head to rest when this happened. I am back to square one. I have this sick feeling that more is going to come out.
I am trying to decide if I should go see him tonight. It is a visiting night. I haven't seen him except for 2 court appearances. I didn't get to talk to him at those appearances. I wrote him an 8 page letter in the first couple of weeks, but haven't written since because all I can think of to write is mean and hateful stuff. So, I write it but don't send it. The place he is supposed to be placed at either Monday or Tuesday is about an hour away. I don't think I will have the chance to see him very often (don't know if I even want to, except there will be family counseling sessions we will be expected to go to) So this might be my last opportunity to confront him and ask him all the questions that have been going around in my head.
I still don't know all of what took place, my daughter does NOT want to talk about it AT ALL. They wouldn't let me see or listen to the interview or view the tape. I may be able to request the police report now that it has been adjudicated but I don't know if it will tell me everything. I feel like I need to know what all happened so that I can understand what she went thru and so I know what kind of questions she will have as she grows up. She has already made mention of how she never wants to have kids, and about pregnancy and how there is a way to prevent it. That is not something we had discussed, she is only 8! I figure he must have said something to her. Should I find out what happened or is it better that I don't know???
Should I go see him tonight and ask him all the questions I have. I need to know if there are other victims and how many times he abused her with her little brother in the room?? and there are a lot more questions. My husband said I shouldn't go because I am going to lose control and yell and scream, I say, so what!?!?! What I really want to do is slap him silly. I suppose the security officers would stop me, so I probably won't.
Any advice or suggestions will be appreciated.
I am trying to decide if I should go see him tonight. It is a visiting night. I haven't seen him except for 2 court appearances. I didn't get to talk to him at those appearances. I wrote him an 8 page letter in the first couple of weeks, but haven't written since because all I can think of to write is mean and hateful stuff. So, I write it but don't send it. The place he is supposed to be placed at either Monday or Tuesday is about an hour away. I don't think I will have the chance to see him very often (don't know if I even want to, except there will be family counseling sessions we will be expected to go to) So this might be my last opportunity to confront him and ask him all the questions that have been going around in my head.
I still don't know all of what took place, my daughter does NOT want to talk about it AT ALL. They wouldn't let me see or listen to the interview or view the tape. I may be able to request the police report now that it has been adjudicated but I don't know if it will tell me everything. I feel like I need to know what all happened so that I can understand what she went thru and so I know what kind of questions she will have as she grows up. She has already made mention of how she never wants to have kids, and about pregnancy and how there is a way to prevent it. That is not something we had discussed, she is only 8! I figure he must have said something to her. Should I find out what happened or is it better that I don't know???
Should I go see him tonight and ask him all the questions I have. I need to know if there are other victims and how many times he abused her with her little brother in the room?? and there are a lot more questions. My husband said I shouldn't go because I am going to lose control and yell and scream, I say, so what!?!?! What I really want to do is slap him silly. I suppose the security officers would stop me, so I probably won't.
Any advice or suggestions will be appreciated.
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My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
Don't expect the boy to reveal everything. If he revealed anything, your lucky. But without knowing his age, not really sure.
I hope this helps, again I'm so sorry. This is a great place to vent. Lots of love from one mom to another.
Thanks so much, as always, for the support and encouragement. I am so thankful that I found this site.
Love to you all.
In my experience (I worked for a juvenile sex offender unit for almost 15 years), further disclosures usually do come out, but like Amygiiles mentioned above, it is like an onion, one layer at a time.
I agree that I would wait until I could speak to my therapist, my daughter's therapist and the treatment team at the facility before confronting and questioning him. There are so many emotions that it is so difficult and I think I would need that support.
It took my daughter about two years before she could talk more openly about what happened. She was mainly just so happy it had stopped and she no longer had to worry that she didn't want to think about it - she wanted to just be a normal little girl for a change. We are on year five now after disclosure and when issues come up, she is able to talk about them either with me or her therapist.
I am so sorry that you are going through this...it is true hell, but there are a lot of great people here on this group that will listen, validate what you're feeling and help support you through all the ups and downs.
Thanks for all the advice.
I too was obsessed with wanting all the details and then when i would get any I would get physically ill and emotionally even sicker. I'm not sure the right thing to do but just know all your feelings are normal and you will go through so many stages. This is an awesome place to come and vent and ask questions and get support. It has helped me so much, that and a weekly trip to the counselor and seeing my daughter get her life back.