Let's ask this... should a rape victim be involved in a rape scene? Better yet, should a rape victim WATCH a rape/assault scene in a movie?
I was thinking of the scene in the movie "hounddog" with Dakota fanning... very huge controversial scene... the rape scene was hard to watch...

Now, back to you ... a victim of assault, name calling, bullying...and so on,
Probably should not be playing a part in a show/movie doing what they've been a victim in..
I've never understood how 'hollywood' can ask things of ppl to do that is totally against what they believe is right.. (all in the name of money)
Desensitize from life to play very violent stuff...

Sorry, small rant...

If your son didn't want to basically relive that part in his life just for a 'play'... I think he shouldn't be pushed into it...
this is one of those times when being forced to do something you don't want to do shouldn't count.. not like learning to play the violin, or piano.. playing 30-60 mins everyday till your fingers are sore kinda thing... this is totally different...

But I also understand the wanting to have the lead roll too...

I'm not sure your son would be able to watch that scene.. whether he acted it or not...

This is all me, I only partly answered your question... sorry..

(Maybe I shouldn't had answered/responded.....

Notalone, I like your response, I was thinking the same thing. As I read warriormom's post, I was thinking, eek, that poor kid, at 5 years old it's not fair that he should have to participate in something so close to what happened to him; he needs to see and know that he'll be protected from things that feel troubling or unsafe to him (within reason--that relate in some way to the abuse; not things like doing homework or making his bed). Adults in Hollywood have had the choice, most often after therapy and meds, etc, to learn to block out memories, feelings or whatever to do their craft for their salary, or they can choose other parts. These kids have so much they have to learn to navigate in a positive and constructive way as they grow and mature. My heart goes out to this little one to have to deal with all these issues at such a tender age...

I thought that was great input, notalone00.

If your son were 16 and performing a similar part, he might be able to throw himself into the part with gusto and the understanding that he would be sublimating. I suspect it might be difficult for a five-year-old to make that distinction. Can he do something other than that role? Can he be the assistant director? That is essentially a role you and the director can create for him: making sure actors have copies of the script, taking attendance at rehearsals, making posters, etc.

You have given me such great advice and have been honest so I will do the same..I think 5is way too young to start exposure therapy,in a perfect world yes we should not let our kids avoid situations.But in reality you may have many more struggles that really matter,school,church,ECT.Let this one go.Of course you are the mom and I will support any decision you make,just as everyone here has for me,God knows you guys have given me opinions and I have done the oposite,but do you really want to fight with him to go to practice every week?You have so much on your plate I can't imagine dealing with another issue!

Thanks for helping to confirm my gut feeling, ladies. I will tell the director as soon as we get there to not have him read for that part while we read through the whole script. I will tell her the "why" is because the situation he dealt with was a very similar real-life bullying and that attempting to practice the part caused anxiety in him.

Luckily, she wanted him to read for one other part that is a lord. That is not at all triggering! I don't believe that the read through itself will be a problem listening to that scene because there are no props involved, i.e. knives, costumes. He will not have to watch it during the real show as he can be back stage. Also, his main concern was not calling someone names himself or playing the part of someone mean, like monster boy. He watched the whole movie of "Prince & the Pauper" and loved it! He wants to be in the show so we'll go from today and see how we do.

And as for exposure therapy, sadly, we have to deal with that on a daily basis due to our home/yards/siblings/the local church/the perp's car/etc. are all people/places that abuse happened/to. He actually has asked to do things that are exposure therapy...he's not your average 5 year old. He's literally a genius child who was talking in sentences at 1! We believe that's why he can remember the abuse so well even though he was so young when it happened! He's amazingly mature and strong for his tender age.

I'll let you know how it goes today.

I'm sorry I missed the age.. I was figuring about 10-12 yrs old... guess I missed that part... either way, my only concern is that if he's there listening to the part, either during practice or during the play, how's he going to respond.. will he shut down? Freeze? Will he be able to continue after that part of the play?

Being a dad of a 5 yr old, I'm not sure I would want my child (even without abuse background) acting that part..
to me that's a form of abuse, asking a child this young to act this way... then we spend all the extra time telling him not to be like that ..except during the play..
to me it's like holloween.. we spend all year telling him 'don't talk to strangers, never take candy from strangers,....' then one night a year everyone roams from house to house begging for candy...

Sorry, me spouting off again...

I support you, and sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders!

You're welcome here anytime!!

Notalone00,
Thanks for your insight. I really do appreciate it even if we might not see eye to eye exactly. We don't celebrate halloween...never have but more so now because sexual abuse happened during that holiday period. I grew up in theater and it actually helped me be a more stable and confident adult.

Anyways, UPDATE:
My little guy did great! The director was understanding although a little stressed at the last minute change. He was excellent at his lord lines! He had NO issues sitting through the read through...no triggers.
My older boys did great and had fun.
My daughter...
Oh, how I loathe PTSD! She loves drama, singing, these friends and yet 1/2 way through, she just shut down. She got teary-eyed, wouldn't read the script, refused to say the lines given to her...this is not her!

So, I finally took her outside and got her to communicate. She was in the blue zone due to an unrelated bad memory of monster boy that popped in her head. Nothing triggered it. She wanted to do the play and have a part with lines. So, I advocated for her. When the read through was over, after her demeanor went back to normal and she was smiling and brave enough to stand in front of the directors, she got a 2nd chance to say her lines. She did amazing! Best ever!

I did have to be more transparent with the director and share with her right hand Lady that was helping to cast. I shared that my daughter and my little guy have the worst anxiety of my kids, specifically PTSD in my daughter. I explained what happened during the rehearsal and they had no problem giving her a 2nd chance. I also shared that the last play we did she had had episodes during the play but still performed beautifully without a hitch; to reassure them of her abilities.

All my kids left feeling excited and happy about this new creative outlet.

I was crying and broken inside. The words of our detective kept haunting me...repeating in my head: " I want you guys to move on with your life. Let your kids just be kids and not think about the abuse."

I'M TRYING BUT THE ABUSERS STILL HAVE RESIDENCE IN MY KID'S BRAINS THAT EFFECTS EVERY DAY LIFE!

I pondered...will life EVER not be like today? I really don't think so...

UPDATE:
All my kids thoroughly enjoyed being their part in the show! They made tons of new friends, my oldest included! The show was a success...all 4 sold out shows! All my kids played "royals" except my oldest played both a royal and a ruffian from the pauper side. Everyone felt safe with the group and the parents did a great job keeping rules in place that ensured that! Nobody had anxiety during the show however throughout rehearsals we all had to confront our issues of monsteR, monster boy's older brother that had been my cancer-patient son's "best friend" while raping his little sister/my daughter, because there was a young man in the show who looked/talked/acted like monster! We were all able to get over our projections and view him for who he was and he was really a nice kid. By the time of the show, everyone was fine. 2 months of hard work completed!

Anyways, the best part was after the show was over, my kids brains are now functioning SO MUCH BETTER! We are finally doing all subjects of school every day and they are all excited to learn! My daughter even asked to do more math and my 5 year old is focused enough to straight up write notes to people! Theses two, a few months ago, could not even focus long enough to color in a picture fully! All in all, I'm happy we participated in the show also because it bonded our family in a positive way, unifying who each person is as part of our family tribe and infusing them with confidence, patience and hope that we all needed!

Sounds like a great program, doing the "classics." Sounds as if being treated like "royalty" was a healthy alternative to being the downtrodden characters. I'm so glad of all the progress you report!